How do you bring up exclusivity?


#1

I'm thinking of asking this girl I've been seeing to be exclusive. How do I bring it up? I will be spending some alone time with her - would that be a good time to bring it up? I don't want to scare her off, either.

If you don't mind sharing, how long did you date before you decided to become exclusive? Also, who did the asking? And how did that person bring it up?

Thanks in advance.


#2

Wow. All of your post on CAF have been about asking her out, first kisses and such This is intense.

Just relax and enjoy the company.

If you want exclusivity, don't ask any other girls out. She'll make her own decision. Don't be smothering.


#3

Don't be afraid to be shot down. If you feel it then act and ask. Stop putting her on a pedestal and worrying what she thinks about everything. Stop craving her approval. Of course I know that this is easier said than done. But you should bring up the difficult subjects without worry of what her answer will be or whether she will like you.

This may sound harsh, but just be a man of integrity. You need to test her just as she needs to test you. Many times a young man is so focused on measuring up to what he thinks she wants that she no longer sees him as a man she can trust to lead her.

You seem in to be greatly under the influence of infatuation. This is akin to a drug like cocaine. Maybe she is the one and maybe not. Just do the best you can. Realize that she may be similarly "under the influence." If this is the case, you have great latitude to bring up subjects such as exclusivity. Listen to her answer and roll with it.

Don’t forget that every man older than you has also experienced this. Also “You got what it takes.”


#4

I second the other poster's comment that you seem to be very obsessed with this girl and are posting about her a lot. If I remember your other posts correctly, you've only known her a couple of months, right?
If you bring up exclusivity too soon, she'll be scared off. Your obsession with her will become apparent. Truly, the best thing to do is just let things happen naturally. If you enjoy her company and she enjoys yours, go out to movies and dinners and just get to know each other. If your love was meant to be, you'll find out soon enough. Don't rush into a relationship just for the sake of it. :)
Then again, my husband and I went exclusive on the third date and talked about marriage soon after. We were engaged at 5 months, married at 1 year 1 month, and pregnant at 1 year 3 months. Sometimes things happen very quickly! :D


#5

I've always just said "do you want to make this official?"

If it feels right just do it, don't worry about a time line. If I remember correctly your first post about this girl was 3 weeks ago, maybe 4? I would say it's time to make things official.


#6

Thank you for the responses. She's now officially my girlfriend.


#7

[quote="ThereIsThisGirl, post:6, topic:216378"]
Thank you for the responses. She's now officially my girlfriend.

[/quote]

I am glad for you! I think it is sweet to see folks in the happy, nervous, anxious stages of crushes, girlfriends and the 'in love' feeling coming along!

By the way, though the point is moot now, I remember the following converstiaon:
"Are you seeing any one else at all?"--Him

"No, I am not"---Me (heart pounding)

"I'm not either. How about we keep it that way?"---Him

"I'd like that"--Me (heart bursting)

"Me too. Whew, glad that is done. I was nervous...Glad you're my girlfriend now"--Him

Grinning like a fool---ME!

That was YEARS ago and I still remember it!

Taben


#8

[quote="taben, post:7, topic:216378"]
I am glad for you! I think it is sweet to see folks in the happy, nervous, anxious stages of crushes, girlfriends and the 'in love' feeling coming along!

By the way, though the point is moot now, I remember the following converstiaon:
"Are you seeing any one else at all?"--Him

"No, I am not"---Me (heart pounding)

"I'm not either. How about we keep it that way?"---Him

"I'd like that"--Me (heart bursting)

"Me too. Whew, glad that is done. I was nervous...Glad you're my girlfriend now"--Him

Grinning like a fool---ME!

That was YEARS ago and I still remember it!

Taben

[/quote]

Thanks! Haha, that's very sweet! Ours went something like that, too. I had my arm around her and her close to me when I asked, so hopefully that helped. Don't know if her heart was pounding, but mine sure was, LOL!


#9

I cannot remember every having exclusivity ever coming up. I did 'steal' a girl away from another guy - though I was not aware of their 'relationship'. It must have been my dashing good looks!


#10

This is a strange thing, exclusivity in relationships.
I only ever see this in american films or programs.

It baffles me that you can cheat on each other until one of you mentions this.

Well, my advice is tell your partner what you feel when you feel it.


#11

I must disagree that she'll be scared off if you ask so soon. Nonsense. My boyfriend and I have been dating, like, a month, if you don't count one date back in April then nothing in between. And when he mentioned that he feels like 6 weeks is when he can call it "goin steady" I had no problem with that.

I also don't think you necessarily need to make an event of it. It may just sort of happen


#12

[quote="ThereIsThisGirl, post:6, topic:216378"]
Thank you for the responses. She's now officially my girlfriend.

[/quote]

congratulations!


#13

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