Whatevergirl’s thread got me thinking…
How do you carry your crosses just one more day, knowing it’s going to most likely be for a long time, or even the rest of your life?
No matter how hard I try to get better, something else comes up and I’m even sicker than when I started. I have more chronic physical/mental health issues than I can count on two hands. Same with medications. I’m either at a doctor or a therapist several times each week. These issues have no cure, I’ve had many since birth, others I developed in my childhood, and all of them I will have the rest of my life.
We are infertile, and adoption/foster care are pretty much out of the question for a variety of reasons. It’s looking like indefinitely.
No matter how hard my DH tries, his work is always demanding and he’s gone long hours most days and many nights and weekend. This work is essential to cover my health care needs. Our time together is very limited.
I’m alone whenever my DH is gone at work. I can’t get out in a car, but for the most serious of needs, due to my medications (they make me very tired and not very alert at times.) My family is two states away and I have no friends (save DH, and a few online.)
I keep trying to live life as a “normal” wife. But I fail. I can’t be “normal”. I am beginning to realize that this is going to be the basic outline for the rest of my life. A basic rhythm of sickness and recovery. Most of the time I will be enduring this cross alone. The other time will be spent with my DH taking care of me. Doctors, hospital stays, tests, medicines. Sickness and recovery, loneliness and pain. Repeat.
Why does God create people like me? Born only to suffer in this life? Sometimes I’m humbled, as I know that many could not endure what I do and still have faith. That God blessed me with faith that strong is amazing. Other times it seems endless, the road of suffering before me and I just don’t know how much farther I can travel it. I know the key is to take one day at a time. But I know that tomorrow is gonna be just as hard as today, maybe even harder. It’s hard to go forward knowing that. But going backwards is just as hard. :shrug:
I need prayers. But I’m also asking, humbly asking, for advice. How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?