How do you carry your heavy long-term crosses just one more day?


#1

Whatevergirl’s thread got me thinking…

How do you carry your crosses just one more day, knowing it’s going to most likely be for a long time, or even the rest of your life?

No matter how hard I try to get better, something else comes up and I’m even sicker than when I started. I have more chronic physical/mental health issues than I can count on two hands. Same with medications. I’m either at a doctor or a therapist several times each week. These issues have no cure, I’ve had many since birth, others I developed in my childhood, and all of them I will have the rest of my life.

We are infertile, and adoption/foster care are pretty much out of the question for a variety of reasons. It’s looking like indefinitely.

No matter how hard my DH tries, his work is always demanding and he’s gone long hours most days and many nights and weekend. This work is essential to cover my health care needs. Our time together is very limited. :frowning:

I’m alone whenever my DH is gone at work. I can’t get out in a car, but for the most serious of needs, due to my medications (they make me very tired and not very alert at times.) My family is two states away and I have no friends (save DH, and a few online.)

I keep trying to live life as a “normal” wife. But I fail. I can’t be “normal”. I am beginning to realize that this is going to be the basic outline for the rest of my life. A basic rhythm of sickness and recovery. Most of the time I will be enduring this cross alone. The other time will be spent with my DH taking care of me. Doctors, hospital stays, tests, medicines. Sickness and recovery, loneliness and pain. Repeat.

Why does God create people like me? Born only to suffer in this life? Sometimes I’m humbled, as I know that many could not endure what I do and still have faith. That God blessed me with faith that strong is amazing. Other times it seems endless, the road of suffering before me and I just don’t know how much farther I can travel it. I know the key is to take one day at a time. But I know that tomorrow is gonna be just as hard as today, maybe even harder. It’s hard to go forward knowing that. But going backwards is just as hard. :shrug:

I need prayers. But I’m also asking, humbly asking, for advice. How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?


#2

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How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?

When I used to pray the Rosary in the earlier part of the day it helped me get through the rest of the day.

Regular confession, going to mass weekly also help.

Knowing others are worse off then me, and knowing that whatever trials I might be going through Christ is with me.

Reflecting on how Jesus carried his cross to his death and knowing that all I have to do is find some faith that God will see me through.

I like going to charismatic healing masses. I have found great benefit from attending them. I've also gone to prayer events where someone has prayed over me.

Last evening I attended a charismatic healing mass, and what was said in the homily concerned forgiveness and how things such as bitterness, unforgiveness can be a blocker to healing. And I have found that to be very true. I am also almost finished reading a book by Gabrielle Amorth, Rome's top exorcist, and I found some of the stories quite interesting in that some mentioned people who couldn't get well, couldn't get pregnant, had physical health issues that couldn't be explained by the medical profession and how many of these people found some relief and healing by being blessed, and in some cases exorcised. Not saying you are possessed, but I personally have found that I've had physical issues that appeared to be spiritually related and there are various forms of spiritual attacks described in this book. I'd get negative thoughts, become despondent, at times suicidal, physically ached, and as I allowed Christ to heal me, as I worked with Christ in my faith, as I allowed the Holy Spirit in more, I felt better, things improved for me. But there are stories of what some saints have had to endure, and many were able to be happy with their suffering. Personally speaking I have trouble getting my head around that idea. I like to focus on how Christ is a healer, and how he can if we work with him, heal us spiritually. In Fr Amorths book he says the devil fears us going to Confession more then he does an exorcism, and so I reflected on my journy with Confession and there was a time I had to go every two weeks during Advent, but it did help. If I miss a weekly mass I can feel it impact on me negatively, and so have decided not to do that again. These two sacraments help me.

I work in the disability field and have decided that I might at times become despaired with my trials but there are nothing to what I have seen others experience, or read about. Not so long ago I read about a woman who lost both arms and legs in an accident, but still managed to finish college and become a doctor, and when I am down I often reflect on that story because she found a purpose in her suffering and disability, and she had such positive thinking that it got her through. I like positive thinking because I used to be such a negative person, and negativity belongs to the realm of the devil and so I try to be more positive and count my blessings, and it is hard at times, and it does take some work, but there is joy there now, even during trials.

I try not to look at suffering as a lifetime experience. I just focus on that day and if Christ can get me through today then he can get me through tomorrow and the day after that.


#3

[quote="prolifewife, post:1, topic:183095"]
. . . . . How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?

[/quote]

By becoming a 'sacristate' contributor (offering your innocent sufferings up - for the benefit of some worthy cause). Many graces come thru innocent suffering, and are not to be wasted. Even Mother Theresa employed such members to 'back her cause'. There are many worthy ministries out there seeking persons such as yourself - please look them up. Innocent suffering is one of the greatest forms of reparation for sin - see the video at familyland.be/en/message-of-hope.html

-G


#4

[quote="prolifewife, post:1, topic:183095"]
Whatevergirl's thread got me thinking...

How do you carry your crosses just one more day, knowing it's going to most likely be for a long time, or even the rest of your life?

No matter how hard I try to get better, something else comes up and I'm even sicker than when I started. I have more chronic physical/mental health issues than I can count on two hands. Same with medications. I'm either at a doctor or a therapist several times each week. These issues have no cure, I've had many since birth, others I developed in my childhood, and all of them I will have the rest of my life.

We are infertile, and adoption/foster care are pretty much out of the question for a variety of reasons. It's looking like indefinitely.

No matter how hard my DH tries, his work is always demanding and he's gone long hours most days and many nights and weekend. This work is essential to cover my health care needs. Our time together is very limited. :(

I'm alone whenever my DH is gone at work. I can't get out in a car, but for the most serious of needs, due to my medications (they make me very tired and not very alert at times.) My family is two states away and I have no friends (save DH, and a few online.)

I keep trying to live life as a "normal" wife. But I fail. I can't be "normal". I am beginning to realize that this is going to be the basic outline for the rest of my life. A basic rhythm of sickness and recovery. Most of the time I will be enduring this cross alone. The other time will be spent with my DH taking care of me. Doctors, hospital stays, tests, medicines. Sickness and recovery, loneliness and pain. Repeat.

Why does God create people like me? Born only to suffer in this life? Sometimes I'm humbled, as I know that many could not endure what I do and still have faith. That God blessed me with faith that strong is amazing. Other times it seems endless, the road of suffering before me and I just don't know how much farther I can travel it. I know the key is to take one day at a time. But I know that tomorrow is gonna be just as hard as today, maybe even harder. It's hard to go forward knowing that. But going backwards is just as hard. :shrug:

I need prayers. But I'm also asking, humbly asking, for advice. How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?

[/quote]

youtube.com/watch?v=3O1QnoAkhQo
(Archbishop Fulton Sheen on the Cross... its really good)

peterkreeft.com/topics/suffering.htm

I would also recommend the problem of pain by C.S. Lewis

Pray the rosary ( the sorrowful mysteries really help me in times of suffering)
Recieve the Sacraments... offer up your suffering to Christ. It seems to me that there is alot of comfort in knowing that God is always there in all your sufferings.

Of course I ( as well as many of the good people on this site) will be keeping you in my prayers. I know by experience how hard it is to go through what seems like endless suffering. But in the end it will seem like nothing when compared to the glory & joy that will be revealed to us :)

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted" Matthew 5:4

Your brother in Christ,
Zachary

Your br


#5

Not knowing how serious your health issues are, it’s hard to advise. I think you should make hanging out with other people a priority. Since it doesn’t seem like you can go out, have you thought of taking up a multiplayer online game like Lord of the Rings or World of Warcraft?


#6

Prolifewife:

"How do you carry your crosses just one more day, knowing it's going to most likely be for a long time, or even the rest of your life?"
--I sympathize. I too have some burdens (which I consider heavy), and which will likely last a while. One day at a time is all we can do.

"I'm alone whenever my DH is gone at work."
--We are never alone. Jesus walks beside us each day, each moment, of our lives. Our Guardian Angel walks with us too. Perhaps you may take some solace in that.

"Why does God create people like me?"
--Each of us is beautiful, objectively, and each of us is beautiful in our own way. And each of us has some part, even if a small one, to play in the beautiful music of life.

An analogy might suffice. The person whose "one note" on a bell, which adds the finishing touch to a symphony, has nonetheless added to the symphony. We just may not know when we are ringing our bell & adding to the symphony; we only find that out later. Perhaps you were "made", just as you are, for your husband's benefit, to get him closer to God...or perhaps to be a perfect inspiration of determination for some doctor who treats you, and who also suffers from feelings that what (s)he does is not worthwhile, and who might think of you in a moment of their own lonliness...or perhaps you were created for the benefit of someone, as yet unknown to you, who you will say something profound to, for 30 seconds, and change their lives forever, 5 years from now. Perhaps the blind man is blind because his blindness makes someone else, who he never knows, think about He who made the blind see.

I pray your burdens are made lighter.

--VdT


#7

People who are paralyzed write books and take classes.

You can push yourself beyond what you think you can do, and find something that will get you out of yourself.

Buy one spool of nylon twine for $10 and make rosaries for soldiers.

Knit or crochet blankets for your SSVDP society.

Get involved, if it is only one week each month, get involved with something.


#8

Prolifewife, my heart goes out to you. There is lots of good advice on this thread.

I feel the same way, dealing with situations (relationships, emotional things, not physical), that I know will never end, over which I have absolutely no control.

I keep going by finding purpose in my life. By deciding each day to put some good in the world, even if it's to smile at a tired sales clerk and wish her a genuine good day and pray for her as I drive home. With the internet, we have a wonderful opportunity to reach out to people who need encouragement. And as others said, there may be other things you can do at home to help others.

I keep going by living the best life I can with what God has given me, by seeking His guidance in what He wants from me. I try to look at what I DO have, rather than what I don't.

I think a lot about the saints. I wish I knew the name, but I remember reading about one saint, a servant who had many physical ailments and deformities, was much maligned by the family she served, slept in a barn... yet she prayed and loved God, with such fervor that she is a canonized saint. That story shows me how much value every one of us has, and how nothing can limit our love for God and our eternal joy.

I feel I'm finding some understanding of the saints and martyrs and God's sense of humor, through the events of my life. The difficulties here are turning my mind and heart more and more to God and Heaven, in a good way, I think.

I reflect on the parable of the tapestry-- the idea that our lives here and now can seem as ugly and knotted as the back of a tapestry, but when we reach Heaven and God turns the weaving around, we'll see it all from a different perspective, and see why each of those things was important and necessary in creating something beautiful.

I like to think that by offering it up, I have helped and am helping people, even though I can't see it now.

The last few weeks have been pretty rough for me, and I have just had the second person in a week tell me they're waking up in the middle of the night with a very heavy burden to pray for me. It was a great reassurance and reminder to me that God is watching and listening, and is right there beside us, and I hope it can be a comfort to you, too. Please know that I will be praying for you, and I hope you'll do the same for me.


#9

Remember the words of Christ:
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Remember the words of the Psalm:
“They who sow in tears will reap in joy.”

Those who suffer in this life, this valley of tears, will be closest to Christ, the “man of sorrows”, in the True Life, after the passing vanity of this world has passed away.


#10

I am retired on disability due to bipolar disorder and PTSD. I have had many physical symptoms due to anxiety. I am also not able to have children due to issues of mental illness. Here are some suggestions:

My first suggestion is to make sure you get enough rest. But make sure it is actually restful. Sometimes sleep is not restorative and medication may be needed. Also when dealing with emotionally difficult issues, resting in the daytime may help.

However, also, exercise is important to me. If I am very sedentary, I start feeling really uncomfortable, like I can't sleep well or I can't really use my energy. I walk the treadmill - it is not a super-intense workout but it is something.

If you live in an area with nice weather, try to sit outside for part of the day, such as while eating breakfast or lunch. The sunshine may cheer you up. Also make sure your house has a lot of natural and artificial light.

There are online classes you could take if you want to learn more about a subject. They are not necessarily as challenging as going back to school.

Accept the fact that you have major losses in life, including infertility and the loss of what is considered "normal" health due to your conditions. Those losses may require grieving. If that is not done, it is possible to suppress the emotions you have about your situation. When I have suppressed emotions, I have found it to be exhausting.

If you have a history of physical or sexual abuse, or neglect, talking it through in therapy (at a safe pace) may help you feel better, b/c flashbacks and body memories often go away when these topics are discussed directly.

If you don't feel well enough to read, maybe audiobooks would work.

Some sort of involvement in the disability/chronic illness communities on the net may help. There is one site where the theme is "but you don't look sick." I don't remember the address, but they talked about illness.

Maybe your local parish can help find drivers for you who will take you out on errands, and even fun trips, when driving is difficult.

Pets. I don't know if you have them, but we have three cats and they add a lot to our lives. they are also low-maintenance.

Consider plotting out your use of energy, if it helps you. For example, imagine that you have 100 units of energy per day. Beyond that, you end up exhausted/in pain. How will you "spend" your 100 units so you don't wear yourself out? One day it may be important to do the dishes, which may take 20 units. Another day, folding the laundry might be important.

Finding doctors who are good listeners has helped me a lot. Many of my problems were from a trauma history, and doctors (regular ones, not therapists) who were sensitive about that have actually helped me need less in the way of regular medical treatment. I have been able to discontinue allergy shots and asthma medication b/c I realized that what I thought were allergy issues, actually came from PTSD anniversary reactions and anxiety. My allergist is sensitive and a good listener, so that is how I came to that understanding. He explained it to me so it all made sense.

Prayer might help. Praying the rosary or other contemplative prayer. Also I find sacred music to be very inspiring. I listen to some Christmas music on and off all year. There is other sacred/classical music that I like a lot.

I have found peace of mind through stopping work. I became very ill the last couple of years I was working. I have learned to adjust to a slower pace. I don't feel that I'm not contributing anything, b/c I am working hard on treatment and doing volunteer work. I think too often, people who don't work, or who see themselves as "not productive enough" may feel embarrassed about it. But God does not judge us that way.

this is all my 0.02. I hope some of this helps.


#11

Try to make it to Adoration if you can. I also find that lighting a candle and watching the flame as I pray the rosary helps. Somehow, watching that little light flicker back and forth makes me feel hopeful as I pray.

I struggle with this every day so I am still learning. But I find that praying the rosary and reading the Bible, even just a couple of verses a day, really helps.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212


#12

Loneliness is so painful, I know. I have two ideas. One was already mentioned by SilentStar--getting a pet. A cat would probably be easiest since they're independent and you don't have to walk them. The other is see what kind of social groups your church has. I realize you may not be able to get out much, but you might make some friends you could talk with on the telephone. Message boards are geat, but still there's nothing like hearing the sound of a friendly voice.


#13

Just to add a bit: Perhaps your parish priest knows of some other parishioners who are homebound or lonely. If so, he might be able to introduce you all so you can be phone friends.


#14

am praying for you


#15

[quote="prolifewife, post:1, topic:183095"]

Why does God create people like me? Born only to suffer in this life? Sometimes I'm humbled, as I know that many could not endure what I do and still have faith. That God blessed me with faith that strong is amazing. Other times it seems endless, the road of suffering before me and I just don't know how much farther I can travel it. I know the key is to take one day at a time. But I know that tomorrow is gonna be just as hard as today, maybe even harder. It's hard to go forward knowing that. But going backwards is just as hard. :shrug:

I need prayers. But I'm also asking, humbly asking, for advice. How do you carry your heavy loads just one more day?

[/quote]

**Your post certainly caught my eye. Please know that I will keep you in my prayers and Masses. I have asked myself a similar question as you do in this post concerning my sufferings. Yet; at the risk of being perceived as insensitive, which I am not. I have studied suffering for a number of years. There is NO secular meaning to suffering. However; in much of my travels in life and seeing how Jesus during the end of His earthly ministry, when He spoke to Peter making a prophecy as to how Peter's life would come to an end saying:

John Chap 24: 15 When therefore they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter: Simon son of John, lovest thou me more than these? He saith to him: Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee. He saith to him: Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again: Simon, son of John, lovest thou me? He saith to him: Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee. He saith to him: Feed my lambs. 17 He said to him the third time: Simon, son of John, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved, because he had said to him the third time: Lovest thou me? And he said to him: Lord, thou knowest all things: thou knowest that I love thee. He said to him: Feed my sheep. 18 Amen, amen I say to thee, when thou wast younger, thou didst gird thyself, and didst walk where thou wouldst. But when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and lead thee whither thou wouldst not. 19 And this he said, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when he had said this, he saith to him: Follow me. 20 Peter turning about, saw that disciple whom Jesus loved following, who also leaned on his breast at supper, and said: Lord, who is he that shall betray thee? **

In particular I bring emphasis to Jesus when He said to Peter Amen, amen I say to thee, when thou wast younger, thou didst gird thyself, and didst walk where thou wouldst. But when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and lead thee whither thou wouldst not.

I believe Jesus could say this to all His children who follow Him devotely.

The Cross of Christ is always before us. We can choose to avoid the Cross of sufferings, but eventually one day all of us are faced with suffering.
For me I have to ask myself; Do I embrace these sufferings in vain or do I join my sufferings with Christ on the Cross? Of course the later is the answer. Do I carry my Cross on my own power? No; because in humble submission I have no power.

I once read in a book written by the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen who said;

Which is easier to believe? That Christ did suffer and die a horrible death on the Cross? Or to believe that we who suffer humbly actually Hang on the Cross with Him.


#16

prolifewife,
My heart is heavy for you. Being in pain (physical, spiritual and/or emotional) is discouraging and does wear on you.

What would you say (or post) to someone that said they are feeling as you are? I don't know you, but I bet you would let them know how sad it must be for them to feel so alone and discouraged. Would you tell them to not be so hard on themselves and would you acknowledge that they have been given more crosses to bear than most people?
Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to have the compassion and understanding that you would give to others.

You are in my prayers.


#17

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