How Do You Deal With A Bokenheart

Hi Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I have posted before that I was doing a talk on Christians and their Emotions… The night before my talk, something hurtful happened to me. An ex of mine who I’ve been praying for to come back to me msged me asking me to go back with him and that he still loves me. But as the our chat went on, I realized that it wasnt him who was chatting w/ me but was his new gf. (I didnt even know he was seeing anyone.) I spoke to him later and told him what his new girl did and that I wanted him to explain to me why he was still telling me that he has feelings for me a week before while he was already w/ someone else. Anyway to make the story short, he chose her over me.

I feel betrayed and I feel like I was manipulated by the girl and him. What’s worse is that he has been telling me about his monetary problems before and I felt bad so I sent him an ‘allowance’ every month. So now I am just thinking that maybe he used that money to spend it on her. Or maybe he didnt really love me but was after the money.

So the night before my talk, I didn’t get sleep and I actually took 3 huge gulps of cough syrup just so I can sleep but didn’t work. I rose that morning thinking i really couldnt do the talk. I mean who am I to talk about emotions when I can’t even control them myself.

But with a lot of prayer and strength I managed to do my talk. Praise God! I was open about how my difficulties on acting as a Christian and shared what i went through the night before.

Right now, I am still crying and I have a lot of panic attacks. I don’t eat much either, I lack sleep andn I am overwhelmed with jealousy. The girl that he chose over me has a good body. And now I am having trouble looking at my body and accepting it. I feel totally ugly and I feel like it is my fault that our relationship did not work.

So guys I just want to know, what do you do when your heart has just been broken? Do you guys have any advice for me? Thanks!

Your Sister in Christ,

Yes, you were betrayed and you were manipulated. What they did was horrible. Both have problems. You have to see this for what it is. Both have a cruel streak, he’s disloyal and told things you told him in confidence and they are liars. Don’t let them suck you into a vortex of their craziness.

You prayed that he would come back to you. You got an answer as to what kind of person he really is. You don’t need this. As hard as it is, you must see you are free now to get on with your life.

My dear friend

They were horrible to you for sure. The best thing you can do for yourself and them is to pray for them. Resentment makes us sick and the way to get rid of it is to pray for the offenders who cause it. It will go soon enough. Don’t give them the power to hurt you anymore. Wipe the dust off your feet and march on. Don’t let this effect your self esteem or make you feel like your less than you should be. They don’t deserve this power over you. Don’t give it to them. You are Gods child and loved insanely by God. That’s all that matters. If people don’t treat you as you deserve to be treated and with thegreat dignity you desrve you don’t want to know them, except maybe to help them. Your friends sound sick and really need your prayers in my opinion. Only give God the power to make you feel good or bad - only He can be trusted to never abuse this power.

May God bless, console and comfort you:thumbsup::slight_smile:

Dear Juris,

I will share my story in hopes that it could help you.

I have just recently experienced the worst heartache of my life, and was physically ill for days from the grief of it. To make a long story short, my husband and I were adopting a newborn through an agency. We drove 500 miles to get our baby who was to be born by a scheduled c-section. We spent the whole day of the c-section waiting to hear when the baby was born, when we could meet her, etc. etc. The agency couldn’t get in touch with the mother. At 6 PM that day, we got word that the mother never went to the hospital. She’d had the baby the week before, and not only did she not tell the agency, but she led the agency and us to believe that the c-section and adoption was still a go for the following week. She was a scammer working the adoption system so she could get paid for being pregnant. My husband and I lost $14,000 as a result, but that was NOTHING compared to the pain of losing the baby. It was the worst grief I have ever endured.

Just prior to this incident, I’d heard a homily in which a priest said that one way to handle people who hurt us is to forgive them and pray, “Lord, grant them happiness in this life and the next.” So that’s what my husband and I did. We didn’t feel like forgiving this woman, but we chose to do so. (Forgiveness, like love, is a choice, not a feeling.) Very shortly after choosing to forgive and praying for the birth mother, the grief and the anger just vanished.

When someone hurts us, we will have to live with the consequences of what they’ve done. It’s up to us whether we live with those consequences in slavery to bitterness, or in the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiving someone else doesn’t let them off the hook; it let’s US off the hook.

I hope in addition to forgiving these people, you will re-read what John Russell and aicirt wrote and not give this ex and his girlfriend the power to make you miserable. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” God has someone or something better for you. One day you will understand that breaking up and separating from this ex-boyfriend for good was a great blessing.

God had something better for my husband and me, by the way. Just days after the adoption disaster, we got word that another baby had become available and would be born the next day. We now have a wonderful, healthy baby girl.

Congratulations on Lily!! May the three of you continue to be blessed by God. Terrible experience. Glad it had a happy ending. How blessed is Lily!!

I am not doing well at all… Constantly I have been toying with the idea of suicide. I have severe panic attacks that I really can’t control and it disables me. I have also been recently doubting God, I know that he has a higher purpose to things but I just don’t understand why life has to be this hurtful. I am ashamed w/ myself and I am out of control. I feel so betrayed. God said he won’t give anything that I can not handle. I don’t think I can handle this one.

Juris if you’re having suicidal thoughts, you need to get help. There is a hotline you can call 24/7 which will refer you to a crisis center near you: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

You need to get help if you are having suicidal thoughts.

The most important thing to remember is that there are folks much better for you than the folks who let you down. Not everyone is a skum bucket, and IF you give up now, you will never meet the person who is right for you.

It is far better to break things off now, than have to live with a creep for a much longer time. Just think, if you were still with this guy who mistreated you badly, the right guy may have come along and you would have passed him by.

Do not focus on what you loss or what you THINK you loss. It sounds like you did NOT lose very much. IT just feels like you did. You need to loolk at this much more objectively. The guy is skum, move on. It would have been a very bad relationship anyway.

Your EX and his girlfriend sound like creeps, better to forget and move on. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and go out and find the nice guy that you really deserve.

Find someone with class and character, you will be much better off and he will love you for yourself and not for what money he can extort from you. Pray and Our Lady will send along the right guy for you. This EX boyfriends was most certainly the wrong one. He is not worth crying over and most certainly not worth you doing something you will most certainly regret.

Don’t waste any more time or money on this CREEP and his beau. It may be hard to imagine now, but a few years from now you WILL be much happier without him.

If you are living alone, you should consider going home for awhile. Take a break and get away from the situation. Check with your doctor about an antidepressant. Stay away from anything depressing…like videos or books. Pick comedies and stuff that will make you laugh. Force yourself to go out even if it is just for 30 minutes or 15. A loss of a relationship is a grieving process. This is going to take time but all is not lost. There is someone out there for you.

Dear Juris:

As aicirt said, this is going to take time. I know because I’ve been there. My husband of fourteen years left me for another woman on Father’s Day in 1982. He had been having an affair with a woman at work for six months, and I never suspected a thing. He had even taken our two children to her house! :mad:

When he told me, all I could think of was the big butcher knife on the counter in the kitchen. Then everything went black, and I woke up on the living room floor. He was gone. A therapist told me I blacked out so that I wouldn’t kill him. God was protecting me from myself. I felt like a used kleenex. He blew his nose on me and then just threw me away. I even tried to commit suicide by taking some of my mother’s Valium pills and downing them with a large drinking glass full of wine, but I just woke up with a bad headache. Suicide is not the answer, dear one. I continued to go to therapy, and to pray and pray. I also had many others praying for me.

One thing the therapist told me that has always stuck in my mind is the old cliche, “Time heals all wounds.” She said if she could put time into a capsule, three days per capsule, and have me take three capsules a day, soon I would feel much, much better. But, she also said, that is not the way life works. With God’s help, with must live each day at a time and rely on His love. I felt as if I would never smile or laugh again, but about a year later I suprised myself by laughing out loud at some silly joke, and I knew I was getting better. :slight_smile: Don’t, however, hold on to your anger. Your anger will only make you sick, and it will do nothing to your ex or the girlfriend. It took me eight wasted years to let go of my anger, and I only hurt myself by hanging on to it so long. The day I gave it up, I felt incredible! I felt clean and new and out of this world! :extrahappy:

I think one of the reasons my husband’s leaving hurt me so badly was that my mother always taught me and my sister that it was a shameful thing to be “an old maid.” She always told me that having a good man in my life would fix everything. It took me 17 years to finally figure out that I had always had a good man in my life, and His name was Jesus. Jesus is the only man in my life now (there were other human men but none of them were “good”), and I am so grateful He is here. He loves me beyond any love that a mere human man could give me, and He always has. I finally applied for an annulment, and Praise God! it was granted. I’m 62 years old now, and in October I will enter a semi-contemplative convent to become the bride of my Lord and Saviour! :nun1: Praise His Holy Name! He never forgets us; He never leaves us. HE is always there.

Now, my dear, take a look in the mirror and know that to the Lord Jesus you are the most beautiful woman alive! He will never leave you! He loves you and He always will.

I will keep you in my prayers. Take care of yourself, go to therapy, forgive, spend time with other believers, and do good deeds for those in need. I promise you, one day you will be surprised when you hear someone laughing . . . and you realize it’s you! :console:

I do understand the incredibly difficult pain you are experiencing! She posted (above) just what I most want to say.:console::crossrc:

Your best years are ahead of you!! Do not let a manipulative loser and a stranger take them from you, they are not worth your notice. :slight_smile:

Last week my daughter Stacey, who was 11 weeks pregnant, lost her baby due to a miscarriage. Somehow it seems like there needs to be a better term than “miscarriage” to describe a death in the family.

My son has made me a grandfather twice and I love being a grandfather. Unfortunately he lives in UT and my daughter and I live in the Triad area of NC so I don’t get to see my grandsons as much as I would like.

When my daughter told me she was pregnant it was joyful news to the family and of course she and her husband. Stacey has wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for years as a life time goal.

Even though I never knew this child I believe I will meet him/her in Heaven, I already love this baby and was day dreaming about the baby growng older and running through the forest in my backyard with my puppy Tobey, among other day dreams.

The doctor says that, for one thing 20% of all USA pregnancies end in miscarriages, not that this helps. And he said they need to wait for 6 months before trying again. I know there will be another baby but that doesn’t help now.

Sorry about any typos but I don’t have the energy to carefully read this prior to posting.

A grieving father. :frowning: (Sad)

Follow-up is occurring offline.

Thanks to those who offered help and prayer.

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ACTION: Thread Closed

Please continue to pray.


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