How do you deal with friends who are fallen away Catholics?


What do you do? Does it affect your friendships?

I have to say I find it quite difficult. I have a few friends who do not know what the church teaches, have never grown in faith and don’t understand how people can take it seriously. I don’t appreciate their comments and I feel uncomfortable with their lifestyles. I have lately found it tiring to socialise with them and have stared looking for excuses to visit those who live together with their boyfriends. I really try to be a good friend but their attitudes to faith are becoming a serious issue.

Any advice?


May sound stupid… but What Would Jesus Do? :shrug:

Jesus ate and drank and spent time with sinners.

Sometimes it’s not about what YOU can gain from a relationship, but how you can bring Christ to others through your example and love. Does this mean that you need to bond with your friends by participating in the same sinful ways as they do? Of course not! But that doesn’t mean you should isolate yourself from them. Sometimes maintaining friendships that are challenging are charitable works. Love them, be there for them, and be an example of Christ to them.

God bless! :slight_smile:


We have some friends who both went through Catholic grade school with my husband. I would say this is my husband’s closest friend…they have been through a lot of adventures together. My husband was the best man at their civil wedding. The woman had gotten pregnant in high school, then divorced. She remarried and then her second husband was killed in a horrible accident. Then she and Ron married. They went through a lot to get her previous marriage situation straightened out and had their marriage blessed in the Church. Their kids went through First Communion and then they dropped out. :confused: I don’t know why they would do that after all they went through to make things right, but it has been a great disappointment for us. How do we handle it?? We continue to invite them to church and church functions. We love them and try to encourage them to come back. But, it hasn’t damaged our friendship. (Of course, they aren’t living immoral lives either!)



Yes, I agree that being loving towards people is the only thing what we can do.


I don’t have too much trouble with it, although sometimes I have to reign in my mouth. I’m the person they come to with questions about the faith because I won’t browbeat them with it. I made that mistake once and lost the friend. Now I just try to be open to them when they want to talk and open about my own faith and let it go at that.


Keep it in friendship.Talk about things that are not church-religious related issues .I have found out the hard way, that when it comes to religious issues .Keep my mouth shut .


You’re certainly not required to be friends with people who make you feel bad. Do they ridicule your faith? Put you down for believing? If those are the reasons you feel uncomfortable, maybe you should meet different people.

On the other hand, if you are simply bothered by the fact that they are sinners, you have to ask yourself why that bothers you. Is it because you fear for their salvation, or because perhaps you resent how easy they have it compared to you?


How easy they have it? What? If they are truly friends, then continue with them and do the things your faith requires. If they ask you to do something you know is wrong, just tell them you’d rather not. A friend of mine asked me if I went to see a certain movie. I said no. When asked why I didn’t, I said I don’t think it’s a good idea to see movies like that.

I also recommend talking to a priest.



Just a thing I notice, sometimes people are upset by the fact that others can cohabitate, use birth control, divorce and remarry and they cannot.


Quote: *On the other hand, if you are simply bothered by the fact that they are sinners, you have to ask yourself why that bothers you. Is it because you fear for their salvation, or because perhaps you resent how easy they have it compared to you? *

I think you are on to something here. Yes, I am bothered by the sinful lifestlyles but perhaps alse see myself in them. I used to be a cafeteria Catholic until a year ago. I once lived with a boyfriend for a few months, used contraception, etc. I now look back onto all that and feel awful about it. I guess I am a true repentant and therefore feel strongly about it when I see the same kind of attitudes in friends.

A friend of mine has just moved in with a man. She is very excited about it but when she told me I just couldn’t speak. I didn’t want to lecture her on Christian morality, and of course could not say how happy I was for her. I refuse to lie in order to make my friends feel good about themselves but find it very hard to openly express my views. Perhaps I am ashamed to do it because they remember me from before when these things were not a big issue for me.


I had a lot of similar issues with my secular friends. I came to the conclusion that it is pointless, and even counterproductive to lecture people on Catholic morality. The only thing it achieves from my experience, is a stronger negative attitude toward the Church on the part of the people. (Like they’ll say “that’s crazy”, and dismiss it.)

I don’t think you have an obligation to do it. And the best way to represent your faith is to be a good example of a faithful Catholic, lecturing people about the immorality of their decisions doesn’t lead anywhere good.

I think as long as your friends are not insulting you for your beliefs, you should just focus on the good aspects of their friendship.


I love them like crazy! I should pray for them more as wel.

I have dear friends who are lasped catholics (as I am sure we all do) and I either ignore religion, or we’re just polite about it. Never, ever, do I preach to them about stuff they might do. I like them as friends and don’t want to lose them!


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