How do you deal with Game Players?


#1

It seems there are a couple people in my life who play mind games with me… & it happens too often to NOT be mind games. For example, they say they are going to do soemthing and then they don’t… when it would be no big strain for them to do what they said they were going to do… & i never asked them to do it in the first place…

should i X these people out of my life? (meaning: just pray for them, decline to be involved other than that)

Your stories would probably help a lot…


#2

Dear Distracted, you ask a very interesting question. There have been people in my life who, for lack of a better way to say it, presented certain occasions of sin. I distanced myself from these folks and, in one instance, totally cut off communication. The thought used to cross my mind “did I abandon so-and-so when I cut off communication?” Was what I did a virtuous action (in avoiding the occasion of sin) or a sin in turning my back on another child of God? Conclusion: I pray for that person adn leave the rest to teh Mercy of God.

About your game-players. They sound hurtful. Did you ever ask them why they are acting that way?

My God Bless you.


#3

I think the most common sense answer to this question might be the obvious: stay your distance for awhile, pray about the situation, pray for them, pray for yourself, if approached then be kind and charitable but not gullible, and then assess after a proscribed period of time. Rinse and repeat.


#4

thank you for your understanding and compassion… (refreshing after just having dealt with SOME posters on CAF :rolleyes:)

I have struggled with this thing u speak of… On the one hand, i feel like ditching certain people who do this kind of thing (& do it over and over)… When they do it over and over again, you kinda have to face the fact that its game-playing… & that they are hostile against you for whatever reasons…

i get this feeling i should dtich this one guy (not a boyfriend but someone i’ve known for many years… We used to be close but he couldn’t handle the enthusiasm i had / have for the Church…)

but then something always makes me hesitate. I tried to figure out why i was hesitating about X-ing him out completely and what occurred to me is… well, those words from the Our Father… As it is in heaven, so let it be on Earth… (paraph)… In Heaven, there is no “ditching” of others… no "im over here, you stay over there… " so maybe the Holy Spiirt was/is telling me that it is not Christian to do that??? :confused: But on the other hand, i get depressed (not to mention unproductive) dealing with these kinds of people who… frankly, may be somewhat “sold out” to the devil (long story why i say that… you’d have to know some of the things this person has done/said…)… Feelings are just feelings, though, and i am very much leaning toward cutting this person out forever… I have given him cahnce after chance to change, to apologize, to get “real”. or whatever… It is bewildering why a person would act like this to someone who tries hard to be a good friend… tries hard to be a good Christian… and have done nothing that i can think of that would… well… make him hostile… except, as i say, he doesn’t like my Catholicism… He is very anti-Catholic, though he denies that (and a hundred other things!)…

Before i started studying the faith and getting “enthused” about it, we got along…

Anyway… i don’t think its a sin to let go of these kinds of abusive relationships… I think that to stay in them is to (for one) enable the other person to sin - by repeating the abusive behavior… because some people just… that’s all they seem to know… is abusive interaction with others…

the bottom line for me seems to be that i have better things to do than “babysit” this person… as it were…


#5

sounds good…

only problem is: How many times do you have to “rinse and repeat” before you realize that… well, as i just posted…

I have better things to do than “babysit”… ??

To me there is no excuse to abuse another human being who is not hurting you in any way…

I’ve lost several close relationships because i got into studying (and being very enthused about) Catholicism…

Strange… you would think that peole would be thrilled to hear the kinds of things i have been telling them about…

but then… Jesus said that there are “few who make it” onto the road to eternal life… so why am i always so surprised when people don’t want to be directed onto that road???

Sad… but that’s the way things are on Planet Earth in 2009… :frowning:


#6

Dear Distracted… It may be helpful to remember that Jesus Himself acknowledged that the Gospel and belief in Him would be divisive as He says in His prayer for the Disciples to the Father: “I gave them your word and the world has hated them for it.” (John 17:14)

Read Jesus’ beautiful discourse on the world’s hate also at John 15:18-27 and John 16:1-4. There are some people living difficult lives and making others suffer. Some of the “game players” are sick and do not know better. They manipulate and dump on others in a quest for relief. Other game players are what I call “pawns” of the evil one. They are the lukewarm souls mentioned in St. Faustina’s Diary whom Jesus said “disgust” him. They are amoral, giving in to temptation easily. So satan has a field day with them and uses them to afflict and discourage good people.

Finally, some game players are intrinsically evil. They knowingly cooperate in, enjoy and promote the destruction of others and they hate goodness. The late psychiatrist M. Scott Peck wrote a book about them called “People of the Lie”. And guess what - these people look like ordinary folks. They are schoolmates, fellow employees, PTA parents, even “pillars of the community”. Yet they sow pain and confusion wherever they go.

What strikes me about your situation is confusion. I believe confusion that persists, especially in interpersonal relationships, is a hallmark of an unhealthy situation. Could you maybe reframe the issue as having to avoid the unhealthy situation and let Jesus deal with the soul of the other person? Don’t judge the other person, but take care of yourself by avoiding the unhealthy encounters. And pray, pray, pray. Just a thought, offered in love.


#7

wow… this was enlightening… even though i have read that book by Peck - yrs ago… had forgotten it… maybe i need to read it again? But I gotten a little negative about him when learned he was pro-abortion… but he may have repented of that by now… it seems he was on a spiritual journey and so, maybe he rrealized abortion is murder… God knows?

anyway… i don’t know which category my “friend” falls into… seems he falls into all of them… :eek: but in any case, i have cut him out of my life because i don’t really care what category he falls into… He just doesn’t do anything for me… and i find myself not being very productive in the Christian walk when around him or when communicating w/ him…

When i became enthused about the Catholic faith was when he started getting hostile toward me… That’s all i really need to know…The strange thing is, he calls himself a christian… :rolleyes: His behavior is nothing but diabolical though…( All evil originates w/ Satan… )… and ends with us listening to him…

I guess i should pity him… I’ll pray some rosaries for him…

The Bible says tht even the just are “barely saved” … so i guess i shouldn’t be so… negative about the guy… or whatever you call it… i just hate that kind of behavior and see no excuse for it when the person is supposed to be a believer…

THAT is the weirdest thing about it… You can expect non-believers to act tht way… but not a beliver…

well, actually… he ISN"T a beliver… because Jesus said it was those who DO the will of God who are His… not those who only hear it… and he doesn’t even seem to hear it anymore… except whne he wants to have me listen to some anti-Catholic preacher… He does seem to want to listen to that kind of preaching…
:rolleyes:
anywya… I have no qualms about “ditching” this person…

I do kinda wonder about other people in my life, though… Until i figure out exactly waht to do i"m going to do what i feel is best: avoid anyone who seems to be playing senseless games with me. I am an honest person & don’t believe in games… I believe in Say what you mean and mean what you say… so i guess i should find others who go by the same rule… to be friends with…

in fact, now i think about it, the Lord has recently revealed to me in a very strong way that I can only be “close” to those who believe, pretty much exactly, as i do… It just isn’t going to work tryign to be friends with people who don’t…

As the Bible says “How can two walk together whne they disagree?” and “What fellowship hath light with darkness?” etc…

God bless… :slight_smile:


#8

hmmm… nobody’s going to jump my — about this? say it is un-Christian…(to “abandon” someone)?

:hmmm::coffeeread:


#9

Hi “distracted” This is a good topic, for discussion. I have several people in my life… who would seem to fall into the category of “Game Players”. Some are close family… and some are friends.

It is especially difficult, when this happens with a close family member (brother, sister, parent, spouse). Unfortunately… I don’t have any pearls of wisdom for you. But thankfully, the others did. Their responses were helpful for me, too.

But please know… that you’re in my prayers. I think it’s a great idea for you, to keep them (the “Game Players”) in your prayers. In this way, you’re living out Our Lord’s commandment… that we love one another. And that you do “good to those who mistreat you”.

May God give you peace and courage.


#10

Less is more. Give it over to Jesus and move on. Be advised that the impulse to pray for this person may indicate a continued, unhealthy attachment. With all due respect, may I suggest to discipline yourself and “fast” from all thoughts about this person. It is difficult at first, but empty yourself, prayerfully make a single act of giving him to Our Lord and don’t look back. Otherwise you are perpetuating the very thing that troubles your soul. Turn your face in a new and holy direction. This is not cruel. You are demonstrating confidence in God’s Mercy to heal the person in question. Without your involvement.


#11

thanks…

Let me guess… You are a devout Catholic Christian? :smiley: (“you will be hated by all…”) :frowning:

But please know… that you’re in my prayers.

Thanks… i need all the prayers i can get… :slight_smile:

I think it’s a great idea for you, to keep them (the “Game Players”) in your prayers. In this way, you’re living out Our Lord’s commandment… that we love one another. And that you do “good to those who mistreat you”.

i do… but thanks - needed a reminder because sometimes i tend to “neglect” them… not intentionally but jsut because, well, that’s the way the mind works… shuts out unpleasant “things” & … goes elsewhere… but i do try to pray the rosary every day for “everyone” so i guess the gameplayers are covered… :slight_smile:


#12

hmmm… i kind of do this… except that i feel i can continue to pray for someone without getting involved with him… and i also feel that God would want me to… People who do this kind of thing are in (i feel) grave danger of Hell… From waht I’ve heard about Hell, I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to go there… and, of course, neither does God…

If my prayers cause me to get re-involved, then i would agree with you that i should stop praying… (you probably know about the foot causing you to stumble…?) but at this point, i know getitng involved is NOT going to happy… I’m truly fed up this time…

thanks…


#13

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