A couple years ago, I was really stressed about my vocation like I always am, and in a fit of desperation and anxiety in Adoration one day, I said “God, I need you to speak to me.” I decided to look online on my phone for a random Bible verse generator and I got the verse where St. Paul says it is better to remain unmarried. This has caused me extreme anxiety for the past couple years because I am afraid that was God telling me I need to become a nun. But I also don’t know if that was even a right practice, and at this point I’ve ruminated about this incident so many times I’m not even sure I’m remembering it 100% correctly. Also I have ocd and scrupulosity so that confuses everything so much more. I don’t want to be a nun, but if that’s what God wants I’ll do it. I just don’t know if He wants it or not. It’s this something I should take as a sign from God, our should I disregard it?
I just want to point out that remaining unmarried does not mean having to become a nun. If you don’t feel called to the vocation of marriage, nor to the vocation of bring a religious (a nun), maybe you’re called to a life of being single and celibate.
In any case, I would suggest you continue to pray about which of these three vocations is God’s will for you. Also, find a priest, deacon or other spiritual director to help you discern your vocation.
The process of discernment is rarely done through signs and wonders. Discernment is a process of building a relationship with God. Discernment may start with you spending time with God looking at the various experiences in your life, your talents, your temperament, things you enjoy, etc. It is wise to share your discernment process with a spiritual director help bring things to light. Discernment takes time. Many saints have written about the process of discernment. Check out St. Ignatius, St. Francis de Sales, Thomas a Kempis, etc.
God’s not the author of confusion but the opposite, actually, the God of peace, order, and harmony… If He were to give you a sign it would be clear and He’d do it knowing that it wouldn’t leave you wondering and in strife; it would simply get the job done; He knows you better than you know yourself after all. Only the evil one would be interested in having us dwell on thoughts such as these. Leave it where it came from.
One of the indications of a vocation is that the person themselves want to follow Jesus, for some good reason.
This dosen’t sound like that, because what you said was, " I don’t want to be a nun,…"
Think about it. Maybe later on if you change your mind.
“Longing for light, we wait in darkness, longing for truth, we turn to you.” (hymn)
If you have ocd and scrupulosity you will probably think everything is a sign (positive or negative). We cannot give you the answer. You should talk to your priest.