I can tell you, as a recent convert from Buddhism primarily, you’re simply falling into the same trap that is keeping much, if not most, people away from God, and His Church. The problem is twofold. The first obstacle is the philosphy of relativism that is so natural to us, who were raised to believe there is no ultimate authority, so if we are comfortable with some moral code or other, and, (on the face of it anyway),. It does not seem to infringe on the rights of, nor seemingly harm others, then we tend to believe it’s okay to practice. This philosophy makes your own version of the truth supreme to you. This leads to the other problem in the twofold dilemma, and that is the inflated self-importance that is derived from relativism. Our egos lead us to believe that we can actually create truth for ourselves. That there is no singular authoritative moral code that we should be in supplication to. You can see, if you meditate and pray on that idea, with a sincerely open heart and mind, that this idea does not hold up to much scrutiny.
It is difficult to allow our ego’s to embrace the concept of objective moral truth. That concept does not allow us to justify our actions against our own internal learned or conditioned value system. Frankly, it’s unappealing to modern man. There is, however, universal truth. The primary values of universal truth are held by most religions and secular philosophies to some degree. Do not kill or harm your fellow man. Be kind to your fellow man, if you are to expect kindness, Do not steal from or cheat your fellow man, etc. Pretty much, the 10 commandments, with subtle modifications in different faiths.
The Catholic faith was the farthest thing from my mind for most of my 1/2 century here on earth, and I was blessed with one of those ‘amazing grace’ type of spontaneous conversions as a VERY direct, and real intercession by the Holy Spirit. My head is still spinning after three years. My conversion was so complete and so sudden that I am still having to learn much about the faith that I was told by God to adhere to. I accepted my Catholocism on blind faith. There was little that RCIA could have told me to turn me away. In my conversion I surrendered my will. And this is the key, I believe. Rather than me continuing to try to make religion conform to all of MY whims and personal philosophies, God finally told me to conform to the philosophies of the Church. I had to scramble to find out what many of those were, but it mattered little.
The simple fact of the matter is, unless we are willing to supress our ego, free our faith, and sacrafice our personal and subjective beliefs to our God and our Church, then we will not be fully at home, and will continue seeking some ideal church that is in actuality only ideal to one single person. This has led to the creation of so many different churches it makes the head spin. You’re never going to get two strong ego’s to agree completely on something so vast and all encoumpassing as a religion. So large groups of people peel away from the Church, who believe they are in synch with each other about everything, and form their own Church. This is all well and good, but it’s not long until that new church has a group of people within it who find they disagree on 2 or 3 issues, so they in turn leave THAT church and form yet another one. This can go on and on. It IS in fact going on and on.
If it weren’t for the fact that God told us that His Church would prevail against Hell itself, one could become very disenchanted these days.
From study and experience, I can only recommend the one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. To be fully at home however, you will have to be the one who flinches in the great game of chicken with God. You’ll need to conform yourself to the Church to be fully happy and satisfied, rather than trying to find some unforseen church which will be willing to conform your menu of beliefs.
When you participate in the Mass, the creed, the Eucharist, you are saying ‘Yes!’ to God, and His Church. You are agreeing to ALL of the teachings of the Church. Just as when Mary said ‘yes!’ to God. It is faith. I will pray for your conversion, and for your heart and mind to be open to the will of God, through your love of His Son, and the intercessory action of His Holy Spirit.
Yours in Christ,