How do you tell a girl to keep her hair longer?

So I’m seeing this girl. And a short while ago, she cut her hair. It wasn’t that long to begin with, but now she looks like a tomboy. I think I cried a little inside when she first told me on the phone. She had longer hair before, but it’s been getting shorter and shorter. She says longer hair is harder to manage, but I like longer hair. Would it be selfish of me to ask her to keep her hair longer?

Yes, it would be selfish.
She has to take care of it, not you, so IMHO, you should have no vote.

That said, what attracted you to this girl, who she is or her hair?:shrug:

[quote=AllSeasons] How do you tell a girl to keep her hair longer?

You don’t.

You could say that you really liked her hair a bit longer. I think it’s fine to do that, as long as you don’t sound too critical and demanding. We girls don’t like that :slight_smile:

There’s nothing wrong with pointing out gently that you liked her hair longer. Maybe when you see a picture of when her hair was longer, you can say “I really liked the way you wore your hair that day.” Of course, the more closely connected (ie fiancee, husband), the more direct you can probably get away with.

That being said, **do not **say you don’t like her hair the way it is now, **Do not **mention anything about looking like a tomboy. **Do not **make it the main topic of the conversation. Do not, in any way, infer that you have a “vote” in how she wears her hair.

Good luck.

You can simply tell you that you loved her long hair, offer it as an opinion and nothing more. It is her hair and she will keep it how she wants it. However, if she is interested in you, she may take your opinion into consideration when weighing the options between how she likes the look, the ease of styling, all of the things that go into deciding on a hairstyle. But ultimately, it is up to her. I like to know how my husband feels about my hair, ultimately, it is my decision.

Shorter hair is actually much harder to care for, you have to style it every day, while long hair can be kept up if you need to. That’s just my opinion.

I agree with the others.:thumbsup:

Its funny this topic comes up. I have always been attracted to curly long- haired irish women. That is, until I met my girlfriend… Just before she met me, she had cut her shoulder length straight brunette hair down to a “tomboy” cut for lower maintenance. I still think she is darn cute.:smiley: Her personality really is the best thing I love about her, so when it comes to her hair, I could really care less, because she is quite feminine with or without it. A priest told her before we met that in order to attract " a good Catholic man" she should grow it back out. Hahaha, guess she didn’t. :stuck_out_tongue:

Yea, I know. It’s her decision, and I shouldn’t tell her what to do. But, she used to have long blonde hair, and now it’s really short blonde hair, which is meh.

Depends on the hair.

Some long hair is a delight to care for–beautiful silken strands that move like a flowing waterfall.

But then there is MY hair–imagine long strands of dry, crinkly shredded wheat!

When my hair was long, it looked and felt just like witch hair. If you’ve ever seen the old Addams Family show on television, you will remember the character called “MaMa.” THAT’S what my hair looks like long. Icko.

But of course, my husband still sighs for me to grow my hair long again. He doesn’t remember “witch hair.” He has some kind of memory (false) of me looking like Farrah Fawcett, with long, flowing golden locks. I think that men’s brains are wired this way, to see long hair on women as gorgeous even if it looks like a straw stack or a tangled skein of greasy yarn.

I’m amazed by some of the replies. Honestly, it does feel like a knee-jerk reaction.

If we go to extremes like “he has no vote”, then it’s only fair to point out another extreme: he has no obligation to like what he sees or keep being attracted or keep acting like he is when he is not. He is also free to disagree as to the due proportion between style and comfort and, for example, look for someone who will put “looking pretty for my man” above “easy to manage”, which is actually a healthy attitude (if an emotionally well adjusted man hears that e.g. his girlfriend likes him in suits, or pressed slacks and button-down shirts, he doesn’t exactly go with jumpsuits from that point, either).

Chances are also that the girl is discovering herself right now, including a new side to her personality and that side is gradually taking over (i.e. the tomboy thing). Both of them are free to act as they see fit as they are not married, which includes his option to decide that he’s no longer interested just as much as it to includes the girl’s option to disregard his opinion.

In turn, and I am aware I am stirring a hornet’s nest with this comment, if they actually were married, he would be in one unlucky place if he were expected to live with the rules that his opinion doesn’t matter, well, screw opinion, but his feelings don’t matter, his reactions (what’s attractive to him and what’s not) don’t matter, being attractive to him is not important, even actually less important than just getting stuff easier to manage (stated reason). And that he’s supposed to force himself into the same reactions as before (which would be lying to himself), and generally to be attentive despite himself being disregarded. I’d regret being married if that happened to me.

The other side of the same coin is that it’s your decision whether you want to be with her or not, and people can’t tell you to be or act attracted to something to which you are not, or to accept a certain attitude or prioritisation which you do not find acceptable. You may need to make a choice: accept where things are going or go elsewhere. Unless you somehow manage to communicate and solve the issue without either one of you becoming defeated, sinking into resignation. (Because a guilt trip is likely to force either you to act like everything’s okay or her to try to look more attractive to you while resenting you for it. Results don’t cut it here, what happens inside a person is important.)

Oh, no, if you want longer hair, you shouldn’t worry about offending her. You should go ahead and grow your hair out as long as you like it! :smiley:

When it comes to her hair, though, if she wants your opinion, she’ll ask. If you give your opinion and she doesn’t want it, she may take great exception to that.

The correct answer, when a woman asks you about her looks is this: “If you pushed me, I’d say my favorite is X, but the most important thing is that you like it. I’ve always heard that what looks the best is what makes you feel you look your best. You’re going to look great to me no matter what you put on.”

OTOH, it is OK to choose a partner who happens to like the same kind of look that you like, both in your clothing and hair and in hers. It’s not a big deal to overlook differences in that front, but IMHO agreeing is a lot more fun. The final decision about her looks needs to be hers, though. Resentment is not pretty, and boy can it simmer and fester, out of your sight, only to strike later…never forget that! If she takes your “opinion” as controllling, that can really come back to bite you, even if you meant no such thing.

Personally, I’m not attracted to women with short hair. O:

It does depend on the hair. If she wants to have really short hair like the female main character from the Korean drama “Coffee Prince”, then it’s grounds for an objection.

Seriously, don’t. Or you’ll be balding early. I barely dodged it. The barber lady warned me in time. (Unless you have strong hair.)

When it comes to her hair, though, if she wants your opinion, she’ll ask.


What is he, a subordinate employee or house service? Seriously, with all due respect, that crosses the line. As much as I like you as a person, I need to be honest with you about how it sounded.

If you give your opinion and she doesn’t want it, she may take great exception to that.

In which case you may gain valuable data prompting you to reconsider your association with her.

The correct answer, when a woman asks you about her looks is this: “If you pushed me, I’d say my favorite is X, but the most important thing is that you like it. I’ve always heard that what looks the best is what makes you feel you look your best. You’re going to look great to me no matter what you put on.

The correct answer is a truthful but considerate one. Not a set of disclaimers that a police negotiator dealing with an unstable man with a gun would need to use. That’d be demeaning to a woman, actually, as pre-judging her to be unable to control and process her emotions like a responsible adult being. Actually talking to people like that only encourages them to act like a bunch of dynamite waiting to erupt spontaneously from a cigarette lighter. It teaches them those reactions. This is especially a problem in male-to-female interactions in the post-feministic era but not only.

Especially the bolded part would basically be a lie if said despite believing otherwise.


The OP needs to be very, very careful whenever the dangerous topic of her appearance happens to crop up. :o.

There is no need to court trouble. Just relax and and enjoy spending time together. Everything will eventually sort out, to mutual satisfaction, without charging into minefields.

If that kind of thing creates a problem for the two of you, then I guarantee you’ll see larger problems yet. At any rate, if looking attractive to you is not a priority for a girl who knows what you find attractive, such as if she knows that you like long her and don’t like short but still decides to go and cut because she thinks it’s easier to manage while what you like is less important than that, then you need to find a different girl. Not because of some details of appearance but because of how little respect she has for you, your low placement on her list of priorities, and the noticeable absence or weakness of a desire to please you, which speaks volumes about the relationship.

You raise salient points. :slight_smile:
Having short hair can be beautiful and all, but it depends on the hairstyle.

You have every right to tell her how you feel. Modern notions of individuality are very strange. Yes, people have the right to dress and groom themselves as they please. But they don’t have the right to do so reaction free. Other people are allowed to have opinions. Sometimes, choices have a cost. If I wandered around with holey shoes, because they were particularly well-broken in and comfortable, I would suffer social consequences. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Still, tread carefully. We shouldn’t have to consult our girlfriends/boyfriends before we make what may seem like relatively minor decisions. If something minorish (like length of hair) is really important to one person, then they ought to have communicated that early in the relationship, so that the other person could weigh the costs and benefits properly.

Should it really matter if you love her? Regardless, I vote for just telling her that she looks pretty with long hair. But understand that a lot of girls would rather have short hair because it is easier. She may prefer things on you that you might not like, either. You may not want to open that can of worms! :blush:

Indeed…maybe she likes men who have a 6-pack…should you then go to the gym 5 days a week and live on a diet of whey-protein and steamed vegetables?

By all means, tell her you like her hair long. If she isn’t very concerned about your preference, maybe it’s an indication of where your relationship stands? If she does care what you think, then I think it’s valid to let her know, provided, as above, that you’re prepared to reciprocate. Either way, be careful what you wish for…maybe it’s worth letting it go until your relationship builds a bit more?

It’s her hair, she can style it however she likes, but you might say something like “I liked your hair when it was longer,” people say that to me all the time, I ignore them, of course, but it’s a way to make your feelings known without being dumped faster than Friday’s garbage.

Despite what some may think, women actually don’t style their hair solely to look attractive to men (or attractive in general).

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit