These questions will likely reveal just how immature and ignorant I am, but I don’t care. I just need some feedback from faithful Catholics who can offer some personal insights.
I’m 47, a single mom (son’s 11), and am free to marry in the Catholic Church. Son’s dad left Church over 25 years ago and is now “spiritual, not religious.”
I recently decided to be open to dating and marriage – not that I have dated, but I did sign up for a membership on Catholic Match and have exchanged messages with a number of men in the past few months. Nothing’s come of any of that so far, haven’t even had a phone conversation or met anyone in person yet.
In the midst of that, I suddenly developed a horrible crush on a friend I met in April. I say “horrible” because it was unexpected and completely took over my brain for a couple of weeks. I’m used to being the professional, strong, in-control, mother-type who does not allow emotions much say in my life… or so I thought.
Anyway, the object of my crush (who didn’t know of my feelings at the time) kept reminding me that we should seek our happiness in God alone, that our consolation ultimately comes from God and He alone should be our strength, our hope, our comfort, the one we seek. “Perfect detachment” from the things of this world, including relationships with other humans. At the same time, he mentioned that marriage can be a beautiful thing. This just seemed inconsistent to me :shrug:
I’m a very contemplative person spiritually (two years in the monastery discerning I didn’t have a vocation there), so his words spoke to that monastic (one with God) part of me. I should be content to simply seek God alone, to view my singleness as my cross, and a lonely old age as my path to holiness, right? On the other hand, lately I just really want to be open to the possibility that God could call me to sacramental marriage.
I tend to overthink things, and now I’m completely confused.
What’s the point of marriage for someone past childbearing age? (pretty much beyond child-bearing, let’s be honest – and please don’t start bringing up those one-in-a-million women who conceive after age 50!)
Would getting married in mid-life really be choosing a spouse over God?
Shouldn’t I be seeking to belong to Him alone, using my singleness in His service?
Or can I serve Him through starting a marriage at my age?
And what’s the point of marriage if we’re just gonna die and belong to God alone in the end anyway? (my cousin’s wife just passed away, and it’s got me thinking…)
And how can you be married, and practice detachment from your spouse, from their love for you, from your love for them?
I feel like these experiences of being “open to the possibility” of marriage, and of being infatuated, are just signs that my love of God is not what it’s supposed to be. :bighanky:
A little perspective from you married folks would be most helpful.
(lots of people say that name makes me seem like an old woman in her 80s - but that’s not my real name, and I assure you I am an active mom, DIY home re-modeler, goofy friend, and hyperactive elementary school music teacher :bounce:)