How does one counsel a non-Catholic but Christian friend against cohabitating?


#1

Hey everyone. I am friends with an older lady who is almost 60 years old. She is going to be cohabiting soon and I want to do a spiritual work of mercy by counseling her against it since it is a sin but I don't know how to go about doing this. Also, I am afraid that I might offend her in some way if I do counsel her against this. She is a Pentecostal Christian and I think it'd be best if I could somehow show her from the Bible or by logic that she should not do this. If anyone can offer some advice on how to counsel her, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd also appreciate any prayers that God would give me the wisdom to do the right thing and for her that she would reconsider cohabiting.


#2

Are you sure she is going to be cohabiting meaning living with and having a sexual relationship ] and not just house/appartment sharing for companionship ?

Many older people prefer not to be living alone.

A pentecostal Christian usually has a strong sense of right and wrong and certainly among the young pre marital sex is accepted as being wrong.


#3

[quote="Holly3278, post:1, topic:302988"]
Hey everyone. I am friends with an older lady who is almost 60 years old. She is going to be cohabiting soon and I want to do a spiritual work of mercy by counseling her against it since it is a sin but I don't know how to go about doing this. Also, I am afraid that I might offend her in some way if I do counsel her against this. She is a Pentecostal Christian and I think it'd be best if I could somehow show her from the Bible or by logic that she should not do this. If anyone can offer some advice on how to counsel her, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd also appreciate any prayers that God would give me the wisdom to do the right thing and for her that she would reconsider cohabiting.

[/quote]

You don't do anything.
Do you know all of this woman's life circumstances?
Could she beliving with another, just to help pay the bills and have some companionship with someone of her own generation?

To be quite honest, unless I brought it up, I would be quite taken aback if a younger person called into question my living arrangements because they didn't think what I was doing was "christian" enough.


#4

Wait a minute. I never said she was committing a mortal sin or anything. But there are two spiritual works of mercy: Admonishing sinners and Instructing the ignorant.


#5

I also want to say that I was unaware that cohabitation meant living together with someone and having a sexual relationship at the same time.


#6

What part of this is not your business do you not understand?!

You are talking about a grown woman, who is not Catholic, who, I am guessing, has not asked for your opinion.

Why do you feel that by telling her that you think co-habitating is wrong, your are doing something "spiritual"?


#7

[quote="Oneofthewomen, post:6, topic:302988"]
What part of this is not your business do you not understand?!

You are talking about a grown woman, who is not Catholic, who, I am guessing, has not asked for your opinion.

Why do you feel that by telling her that you think co-habitating is wrong, your are doing something "spiritual"?

[/quote]

Okay, you are right. It was none of my business. I had no business in asking about this. I apologize for offending you and anyone else. Please forgive me. :blush::(


#8

You have not offended me. To be honest, things like this make me very angry.

I have no right to imposed my ideals on another person.

If your friend asked you what you thought about her living arrangements, then I say go ahead, tell her what you believe, then leave it at that.
If you were not asked for your opinion, then you absoultely have no right to call into question what this woman is doing.


#9

[quote="Oneofthewomen, post:8, topic:302988"]
You have not offended me. To be honest, things like this make me very angry.

I have no right to imposed my ideals on another person.

If your friend asked you what you thought about her living arrangements, then I say go ahead, tell her what you believe, then leave it at that.
If you were not asked for your opinion, then you absoultely have no right to call into question what this woman is doing.

[/quote]

I apologize for making you angry. I did not realize I was doing anything wrong. :(


#10

Putting it another way Holly

If I were that lady and you came and counselled me about 'cohabiting' I would be furious and ask you just why you think you have the right, as a much younger person than me, to talk to me about my decisions .

If I wish to have companionship - that's up to me. If I wish to have the companionship of a person of the opposite sex - that's up to me.

If I wish to have the companionship and have a sexual relationship with that person - that is also MY decision and I'm adult enough to have thought about it and made an informed decision.


#11

[quote="Holly3278, post:9, topic:302988"]
I apologize for making you angry. I did not realize I was doing anything wrong. :(

[/quote]

You didn't make me angry- this topic does. :o:(:mad:
Spiritual/Corporal works of mercy are so misunderstood, and used many times as an excuse for self-righteous behaviors.

I am sorry if I was snippy.

Peace be with you! :)


#12

[quote="Oneofthewomen, post:11, topic:302988"]
You didn't make me angry- this topic does. :o:(:mad:
Spiritual/Corporal works of mercy are so misunderstood, and used many times as an excuse for self-righteous behaviors.

I am sorry if I was snippy.

Peace be with you! :)

[/quote]

Oh, I thought you was angry at me. :blush: I apologize if I came across as self-righteous. That was not my intention. Also, I accept your apology. Thanks for responding and may peace be with you as well.


#13

[quote="The_Idiot, post:10, topic:302988"]
Putting it another way Holly

If I were that lady and you came and counselled me about 'cohabiting' I would be furious and ask you just why you think you have the right, as a much younger person than me, to talk to me about my decisions .

If I wish to have companionship - that's up to me. If I wish to have the companionship of a person of the opposite sex - that's up to me.

If I wish to have the companionship and have a sexual relationship with that person - that is also MY decision and I'm adult enough to have thought about it and made an informed decision.

[/quote]

Yeah I understand what you are saying. I should have respected her decision and left it alone.

I also apologize if I have offended you.


#14

I just want to apologize for all who I may have offended by this thread. The whole situation with my friend was none of my business. I am going to stay out of people's business from now on and only give them my opinion if they ask for it. I also apologize if I came across as self-righteous.

I did wrong by posting this on these forums even though I did not realize that I was doing wrong when I first posted this. I realize now that I did do wrong. To be honest, I thought that maybe I was evangelizing if I counseled her about it.

I wish to thank all of you for having criticized me on this. It was a truly humbling experience. I am very poor when it comes to being sociable with other people. Please pray for me that I would learn better social skills and be a loving and kind person.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.