So my problem is… not only am I stuck on ‘sqaure one’, but I have no idea how I would go about getting off square one. Well, I think I know the first step actually, which is to meet a / some nice Catholic girl(s). Over the last few years I have met plenty. And that’s where I get stuck. I have tried things which I didn’t think would work (and didn’t work) out of frustration with not knowing what to do, and in some cases I have just tried doing nothing, and that didn’t work either.
PS just for some reference I am a 20 year old guy, not likely to get married in next 3 or 4 years since I gotta finish uni first. But I would like to start a relationship with someone, and try to make it last till we’re ready to get married.
The more common situation where I want to start a relationship with someone is where I am already friends with them and see them around. There’s a different starting point, I suppose, where you meet someone for the first time, talk to them and decide you like them and try and start something from there. In some ways that is a bit easier because at least you can ‘show some interest’ by asking them for phone number or some other way of contacting them, and then actualy calling them. You don’t really have this option with someone you are already friends with (eg, commonly for me, I might know a girl from a youth group) because you already have their number and it in no way indicates you might be interested in them. However I’ve met someone, anyway, just talking to them by phone or over the internet doesn’t really get anywhere… well, we get to have a nice chat and that’s as far as it goes.
So, what to do to start something? You could just tell her you like her (I have actually tried this before, didn’t work). But that is considered very tactless (she might even be offended by you saying that) and besides, how is she supposed to respond? A good Catholic girl is probably demure and wouldn’t say something like “Oh, I like you too” or anything…
You could just ask someone out. But where to? Tell them you want to go out and ask them where they want to go? But that is also, well sort of tactless or uncomfortable for the girl especially if she is demure. You are the guy and meant to be making the move, shouldn’t you say where? Ok then. Say you ask them to a movie or lunch or something. Again, very obvious what you’re doing but I guess if she likes you (sadly this is not common for me) then she will go. But, (you would think) a good Catholic girl wouldn’t go out alone with a guy without a chaperone. But I wouldn’t feel right about bringing that point up… she might never have heard of that idea before. What with all different cultures, how am I supposed to know her approach to dating? Also, if I just ask her out alone then what does it make my motives look like? I’m definitely not trying to get a 1 night stand but does she know that? Even though, whoever she is, obviously I know her if I like her, but that doesn’t always mean she knows much about me (and I wouldn’t want her to have a negative view of me).
Okay, what about going out in a group? What kind of group? A group of others who are also dating? A group of my friends and hers? If they are different groups of friends, then one, its very obvious what I’m doing, and two, why would her friends want to go out with a group of mine? Very strange situation. If it is the same group of friends, how does that differ to just seeing each other as friends normally? Does what I’m trying to do even get across?
Any other approaches? I’m sure I thought of plenty in the past but can’t think of anything off the top of my head. Anyway, whatever I might have tried to do in the past, it didn’t work.
Part of it might be that I’m not that attractive, but surely there is someone who might like me. Part of it might be I always do things very slowly… I don’t normally call someone the next day after meeting them or anything like that… I guess I give people too long to forget me or something. Even with someone who is already a friend, I guess I don’t make enough of a point of trying to talk to them as much as I can in a short space of time. This is just the way I do things though, I don’t really like to be too forward anyway (you wouldn’t think it from some of the things I talked about above, but sometimes I act in frustration).
I have never had any relationship get off the ground. I have known girls who I would have loved to be with and they have just disappeared out of my life and it looks like that’s going to happen with a few more soon. If you can help me with the first / next step it would be appreciated… and I’ll be back to ask about the step after that (-:
Why can’t we have arranged marriage like in the old days?