How does one go about dating?


#1

I’ve never dated before and I really want to date this guy i’m close friends with. I know him and we’re both devoted Catholics and we go to weekly Mass together. I’ve developed an attraction towards him and I really think he could be the one i’m called to marry but i’m praying about it and keeping myself open to anything God may be telling me. I know he likes me quite a bit too and I know we’re going to end up dating at some point in the future.

I know him real well already and i just want to know how to go about dating him when we do. Nothing against the teachings of the church, of course. like i said, we’re devoted Catholics. What do you do when dating? Or how did you go about it when you met your future spouse?

Thanks in advance and God Bless :slight_smile:


#2

I’m not married, but I do have a boyfriend. We both use a wheelchair, so we do laps around the track together and just talk. He works downtown, and I see him at work when he gets off. He often escorts me to my place. Sometimes, he stays to talk or for a cup of coffee.

On occasion, I make him breakfast or lunch.

We go out to a vegetarian restaurant nearby that we both really like.

We go to some events together when he performs, and I watch him practice wheelchair dancing.

Sometimes, we go to church together.

We watch videos on my computer.


#3

One very good thing is not to always go out alone, which is kind of isolating. Go out with another couple or go out with a group of friends.

Look for free or inexpensive things to do, like picnics in the park (well, maybe not right now ;)), plays, lectures, bowling, ice-skating, museums, historical sites,…


#4

A lot of times, the newspaper will have local events in, say, the Friday paper, often also cheap or free events.


#5

If you are already friends, there are probably a number of things that you know you both enjoy. Do one of those things together.


#6

If you have a local university, they may have events as well.


#7

What about going on a retreat together?


#8

No kissing, no prolonged hugs if you hug at all, nothing that will tempt you to lust, and constantly talk about Jesus and God’s Love. Talk about God’s will together. That’s how you should go about it. Just talk about God together.

The Holy Spirit is with you. He will help you. Ask Him for help all the time. He may or may not will this for you. Ask Him to make it clear to both of you if He does.

Be careful not to lust or do anything sensual.

Satan will tempt you. God is on your side.

If you really seek to be an instrument of God’s will for the salvation of souls, He will use you for that purpose whether you are called to get married or not. You will gain merit with God, souls will be saved from Hell (literally - saved from eternal fire) and you will be closer to Him in Heaven with many rewards waiting for you. Imperishable rewards. Just one reward in Heaven is better than all of the pleasures of Earth combined.

You two are very rare in this world. Satan is aware that you are fighting to be faithful to God, that you truly to know the one true God and that you are in the Church He established, and he is going to try to tempt you, confuse you, and deceive you. You are everything he hates.

Keep waiting for the Lord. He will help you. He Loves you and has a will for you. If you do His Will, souls will be saved from eternal fire. You will literally see them in Heaven.

God loves you


#9

Done that already. Steubenville and fall retreats at our youth group. each retreat it seems we get closer which is exciting. :smiley:


#10

Thanks. we do this already actually and have either hung out at my house or his house with mutual Catholic friends we grew up with and just have a game night. And when we date i dont plan on starting out with anything alone with him until things look promising and then on those it would be in public places so we won’t be tempted :wink: and i would love to do a picnic one day


#11

Thanks so much! This is great insight that i didn’t even think of. Very lovely and inspiring (i teared up some actually), :thumbsup: God bless :slight_smile:


#12

sounds to me like you two are dating already, but “unofficially” as neither one of you has actually expressed your desire to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

what you’re doing is dating. getting to know eachother, and first becoming good friends. this is healthy. You’re finding that he isn’t leading you away from God, but towards Him. A good partner and eventual spouse is someone who makes you a better you and vice versa. But if you find yourself straying from God, then that’s a red flag.


#13

This seems a bit unrealistic and to be honest, stilted. You cannot just sit around talking about Jesus. Time to get out and have fun. Cheap places that both of you like. Talk about everything. It is important that you get to the heart of common value systems. Eventually when things get serious…(not now) talk about children, expectations of family life, money, starting a home. But all that comes a lot later. Right now just have fun together and with friends. Be sure to meet his family and start feeling safe in dropping by. But the best advice is to have fun in the friendship and see where it goes naturally. Being close to Christ is a must, but true faith is part of a full life, more like the air you breath rather than a plastic raincoat which can be awfully sticky when worn in the full sun of life.


#14

Well you could try being subtle and when you stand close to his side you could brush your hand against his, might need to do that a couple times because boys can be a bit slow off the mark,see how that goes,I’m sure if it registers in his mind he should think of asking you out,I was really slow off the mark at 16 ,I was a typical dorky shy type,had no idea,
Be interested how it goes,:slight_smile:


#15

Yea i know. After the first few times we started doing Mass this friend of his from doing this Catholic camp thing for middle school boys does Mass on a daily basis i think and he had asked us one time after Mass if we were dating. My friend told him that we were just really good friends but he kind of hesitated for a second and gave me a quick glance before telling him we were good friends and had went to the same Catholic school for 9 years. :smiley:

I also found out a few weeks ago that he’s protective of me. He picks me up for Mass and one morning as we were getting on the main road from my neighborhood and we almost got in an accident. He accidentally pulled in front of another car and it almost hit us. I had brushed off this incident and completely forgot about it. After Mass though we got in his car and he just started apologizing and saying he felt really guilty about pulling in front of that car. It took me a while to realize what he meant and then i just started laughing and told him it was fine. I’ve noticed since then his driving has been more cautious with me and he won’t turn onto that busy street unless the cars are at a very good distance. :slight_smile:


#16

I’ll keep you updated :slight_smile: I’ve kinda have been doing that already. ive been kinda brushing our shoulders a little during mass occasionally when kneeling (I am focused most days and try not too but sometimes i cant help it) but i dont do that a lot. I have been trying to give more eye contact instead though and smiling. Most of the time its uncontrollable anyways ;). We’re both more on the quieter side though so it’ll probably take him a little longer which i expect so I’m fine with waiting until he’s ready to ask. I’m a bit more daring though so if push comes to shove, I’m just going to tell him sometime that if he ever asked me out on a date, i’d say yes. Still gives him the opportunity to be a man and ask me out and relieves the fear of rejection. :wink:


#17

You could read St. Faustina’s Diary together! Have you read it? It is Church-approved and will help you greatly if you want to be holy, do God’s Will, and save souls from eternal fire together. That Diary helped me understand a lot about how we play into God’s plan for the salvation of souls. It also helped me understand what is happening in the spiritual world.

Ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate your mind as you read. He is with you. He loves you.


#18

Thanks. I am certainly trying to get close to Christ and have faith. This week has been a big test on that for me after my grandpa passed on Wednesday. Just got done with the funeral today and I got through it with yet a joyful and thankful heart. It’s hard on my family though which is why I had prayed for some strength and a positive outlook.

I’d love to get to know his family better. I rather really enjoy his family right now actually. His mom used to be my teacher in the 2nd grade and his younger brother I remember when he was very little too. Often when I’m going to his orchestra concert or plays I’ll talk with his dad afterwards and have some neat discussions.


#19

I’m not married but I’ve dated before and I hope that what I say is helpful to you.
Being attracted by a godly man is a wonderful thing, continue being friends and see when this brings you. If at some point you exit from this “probably more than friends but less than couple” stage and start dating there are a few things that you should keep in mind:

  • Think about the future but don’t focus too much on it: it is a wonderful thing to think about marriage and dating should be a way to discern if you two are called to be husband and wife but the risk of it is assuming too soon that you are gonna get married: seeing a guy not as a boyfriend but as a “probable future husband” causes a huge heartbreak if things don’t work out, because you loose not only him but all this future marriage you started daydreaming about.
  • don’t overspiritualize things: he should draw you closer to God and you two should help each other grow in faith and holiness, but this is not enough: the spiritual aspect is fundamental but the human is too: I mean, he could be the holiest man in the country but if you find him boring, if you don’t like being with him, if you don’t have anything in common, then he is not the men for you. Your husband should be a holy best friend. :grinning:
  • avoid sin but don’t be obsessed by it. You seem a very godly girl and from what you say he is a godly man too but even godly girls and guys get tempted. We are all humans. So it is important to understand that some situations need to be avoided (like being alone at home late at night). You should set your own boundaries based on the knowledge of your weaknesses (there isn’t a “one size fits all”). That said, physical attraction and love are very different from lust; in this area it is a good idea to trust your confessor: talk with him about your doubts and weaknesses.

I really hope this helps and if I made some mistakes I’m sorry, English is not my language


#20

Your English is fine :wink: Thank you for thesse tips. we hang out a bit outside of church and youth grouup with mutual friends of ours. We go to school plays together and hangout at my house or his with a bunch of friends. Thanks for the first tip especially. thats probably the only major thing really that i need to work on. I try not to think to much about him being a probably husband but I have gotten carried away. I once dreamed we were married and just had a baby girl… I’ll pray and work on it


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