How far do you go?


#1

There is never a good answer to this question… How far can you go with your boyfriend. I know you can’t have sex before marrige but what else can’t you do? Also if you are doing things for love and not lust does it make if different? thxs for the help


#2

Aaaah… If you are asking “how far you can go” you have gone too far.

Love is from the neck up.

No passionate kisses, no long embraces, no cuddling, you can leave it at handholding.

You should also be open to dating others and not dating exclusively.

Exclusivity comes when he gives you an engagement ring. And even then the rules don’t change a bit.

Does all that sound old-fashioned? yes it is thank God. We are not here to do what others around us are doing. They abort, they contracept, they dress immodestly, they fornicate.

We are bound to a higher law. But if you both follow the rules of xian dating you will have a great time and if you break up it will be without all the huge emotional baggage, those who break God’s law do.

see www.godofdesire.com for tips on xian dating and courtship. Dave Sloan, the author also writes for Godspy, has been on EWTN and gives cruise ship seminars on xian dating/courtship to Catholic singles.


#3

“Don’t touch anything a soccer uniform covers”


#4

I agree with the “love is from the neck up” statment. Also, consider the effect that your physical contact has on each other. If what starts out as just expressing affection ends up making you very tempted to go too far, then maybe even that level isn’t safe. Not only do you not want to end up giving in to temptation with your boyfriend, but you also don’t want to leave each other so tempted, that once alone either your thoughts (or actions) go too far as well. And remember that usually, guys have a harder time with this than girls, so be kind to him and don’t push him to his limits.

Now about doing something for love vs. lust: Real love does not harm another person, or cause them to sin. So while you may have real feelings of love for this person, and while your attraction may be deeper than lust, getting too physical is wrong no matter what. The fact that you truly love someone should make you restrain yourself MORE because you love them. If you give in to your physical attraction and “go too far” you are betraying your love.

Sex is not a truly loving act unless it is done within marriage. It is impossible for it to be really about love if you are not bound by the sacrament of marriage and are open to bringing life into the world. That is the only way you will really have unity with the other person. So while you may love your boyfriend, sexual actions are still done out of lust.

God bless.
TKC


#5

Never thought of it that way. I think that when people have sex it is because they want to be as one with each other because the share a great bond and want to be as close to the person as the can. Also the fact of having children because they want there love to grow into a family. I thought ture love when you are married provides sex without lust because it is not for the feeling but the being of the person and the children.


#6

Trinity,

This would be a good site for you to check out. pureloveclub.com/ It’s apparently sponsored by Catholic Answers.

I think most of us have learned as a part of growing older why our parents do what they do. I’m also betting a good chunk have us have uttered the words “I would never do that to my children” and done EXACTLY that to our children. Once again, if you’re not comfortable doing it on the couch with your parents seeing, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.


#7

That answers that question. Thanks for everyone’s input.


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