How far is appropriate?


#1

I’m just wondering, how far do you think is acceptable to go in teen dating situations? This has been touched on before, but I’ve never found a really satisfying answer. And I do know that sex, oral sex, and the like are right out. It’s more along the lines of making out and such that I’m curious how far is too far. And links to other threads are welcome. Thanks in advance.


#2

You need to avoid not only sin, but the near occasion of sin. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. I know you’re looking for specifics, but it really depends on you (both), on what would cause too much tempation to go further. Be careful not to decieve yourself about what you can handle.


#3

Well, first off, no touching anything a bathing suit would cover.

I also like thinking if I would be comfortable calling the girl’s father and telling him what we were about to do (this works both ways; when I’m being a total gentleman and treating his daughter like gold I’d want him to know, lol).

Stay away from the heavy duty make out (especially horizontally) because lust is inevitable in these situations. When you make out, your body gets in sexual gear and this is only for marriage.

If you stick to simple good night kisses, holding hands, and a little cuddling, you should be all right. Oh, and no sleep overs (sleeping in the same bed, even if nothing happened).


#4

Although we’ve all asked the question “how far is too far?” is this really the question we should be asking? Should we be asking how close to the brink of sin are we allowed to take our significant other? The more chaste you can be the better. If things even start getting close to hot and heavy its time to shut it down.


#5

[quote=Arwen037]This has been touched on before, but I’ve never found a really satisfying answer.
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I just thought this was funny:rotfl: considering the question…:smiley:


#6

[quote=Genesis315]Well, first off, no touching anything a bathing suit would cover.

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A one piece, non-thong type–and don’t go tracing the edges and thinking that’s okay…:wink:


#7

[quote=Genesis315]Well, first off, no touching anything a bathing suit would cover.

I also like thinking if I would be comfortable calling the girl’s father and telling him what we were about to do (this works both ways; when I’m being a total gentleman and treating his daughter like gold I’d want him to know, lol).

Stay away from the heavy duty make out (especially horizontally) because lust is inevitable in these situations. When you make out, your body gets in sexual gear and this is only for marriage.

If you stick to simple good night kisses, holding hands, and a little cuddling, you should be all right. Oh, and no sleep overs (sleeping in the same bed, even if nothing happened).
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oops…


#8

Also remember forgiveness applies to sexual sins as well. People seem to continually fall to sexual sins, especially these days when sex is so overwhemlingly prevalent in society. If you go overboard, remember to seek forgiveness. This may actually help you with getting out of further situations if you really let God’s forgiveness work with you. This is no license to sin either. You do need to avoid sin and its near occasions at all costs. But people do get struck down sometimes. Just remember forgiveness is there. Do NOT despair if you fail.Your own conscience guided by Church moral and ethical teaching should be enough to keep you safe, though I do agree with the above members who say cuddling, light kissing, and not much else should be the limit.


#9

What if your little 4 year old asked, “Mommy, how close can I stand to this Pitt bull that is unleased and hasn’t eaten for days?”

A questioner like the one in the first post is not really interested in guarding their purity. They want to “get away” with as much as possible.


#10

“Lord, make me chaste…but not yet”
-St. Augustine


#11

[quote=Arwen037]I’m just wondering, how far do you think is acceptable to go in teen dating situations? This has been touched on before, but I’ve never found a really satisfying answer. And I do know that sex, oral sex, and the like are right out. It’s more along the lines of making out and such that I’m curious how far is too far. And links to other threads are welcome. Thanks in advance.
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teens are not in a position to marry, so they are not in a position to date if it means getting in situations where physical intimacy of any kind is possible or probable. A closed mouth kiss goodnight and handholding is the limit. Definitely no touching of any kind that involves disturbing the clothing, or that touches parts of the body covered by clothing even if the clothes stay on. It is called a near occassion of sin, and it is sinful in itself to put yourself in a situation where doing a sin is an expected outcome. I’ve been a teenager, raised teenagers, and teach teenagers. This is good advice. Ignore your friends, MTV and what your sex-ed program at public school teaches, they are lying, and the lies come from Satan who is the father of lies. Doing these actions has nothing to do with love if they occur outside of marriage, it is pure lust.


#12

Jason Evert is a guy who goes around doing chastity talks to young people with his new wife Crystalina (sp?). The talk is called “Romance Without Regret”. He makes a good point on the “how far is too far?” question. Why do you want to do whatever it is you want to do with this other person who is not your spouse? Is it because you like it, because it makes you feel good? If so, you are not really loving this person or treating them with the dignity of a human person created in the image of God. The “how far…” question is a very selfish, self-centered way to think about your relationship with someone. You should think about them first. Try thinking of it this way. This person you want to “do stuff” with is SOMEONE’S future spouse. In essence, they already belong to someone. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s not. Think about YOUR future spouse being is this situation with someone that you don’t know right this very minute. How far would you like them to go, knowing that this person has been set apart for you? That’s a good litmus test, I think.


#13

Imagine that Jesus is standing in the room. That should definintely help. I have a rosary in my bedroom to remind me that he’s everywhere.


#14

Think about YOUR future spouse being is this situation with someone that you don’t know right this very minute. How far would you like them to go, knowing that this person has been set apart for you? That’s a good litmus test, I think.

I agree on the principle, but one surely wouldn’t enjoy seeing his or her future spouse even holding hands and saying sweet words to someone else in a romantic context, knowing it were his or her own future spouse.

Jesus in the room (because He actually is in the room…) is a good principle, too.

Some people will say that having an exclusive romantic relationship with someone is too far. It’s a very popular view among Catholics on these boards, but to keep my conscience clean I have to oppose it. Restricted Polygamy is worse than Serial Monogamy in my eyes.

You have to pray a lot and resort to your conscience. Preferably stick to people who believe in chastity. It’s going to be extremely hard if the other person doesn’t because it’s already hard with even both believing. Know your limits, know your emotions, talk to your Priest, ask his advice.

I would also suggest not seeking romantic relationships and not trying to be in a relationship and just waiting for such feelings to develop on their own. Also, being romantic with someone one knows one doesn’t ever want to marry is problematic.

I would strongly suggest having friends and hanging out with them on a friendly base until you actually fall in love with someone (or at least it seem so). This is also why I insist on romantic gesture or words being exclusive even if for this reason alone that out of N persons, N - 1 one already knows one isn’t going to marry. Not knowing who is going to stay and who is going to be out doesn’t change this. For someone being romantic with 5 people, there is 80% chance that he/she is doing romantic things with someone he/she isn’t going to marry. Plus, it’s polygamy. Restricted but still polygamy. I suggest having friends and strictly friends (doesn’t mean one can’t consider more than one for courting and later marriage) until one falls in love. Then I suggest waiting for some time to check if it’s a massive but short crush that quickly fades away or if it’s something closer to the real thing. If it looks like the real thing, I suggest going exclusive and discerning if the person is a good candidate for future spouse (if not, out). Jesus in the room principle is a good one at this stage and also remembering that both persons involved may well end up married to someone else.

I just don’t buy the stuff people say about holding hands and kissing with multiple people being harmless. How is someone who does that supposed to behave in marriage? How is someone who already cheats on his or her fiance(e) supposed to stay faithful in marriage? Cheating is wrong even if there has been no vow before God and it’s too far.


#15

One of the things I decided years ago is that dating and courting are simply unnatural. No matter what, merging your life with that of another of the opposite sex is just really, really confusing. In a sense, having one’s brains filled with “DON’TS” because one’s blood and genitals are filled with hormone-driven “DOS” is simply a mess.

Teach your teens wisdom. Explain to them that the sex toward which they wish to grope (heh-heh-heh) is a God-created, God-blessed thing, that is intended to take place in the context of two folks perpetually committed to one another, in public marriage (administered by God’s Church), with the intent and wherewithal to set up their own “fort.”

Tell that that thinking or striving for a goal short of that is sinful.

Then tell them, “Good luck” and “I’ll say a prayer for you.”


#16

[quote=Arwen037]I’m just wondering, how far do you think is acceptable to go in teen dating situations? This has been touched on before, but I’ve never found a really satisfying answer. And I do know that sex, oral sex, and the like are right out. It’s more along the lines of making out and such that I’m curious how far is too far. And links to other threads are welcome. Thanks in advance.
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If you can have a deep sense of true love for your girlfriend or boyfriend in your teenaged years I’d say that hugging, holding hands & compassionate kisses are appropriate. Remember that having respect for your loved one & your own personal respect & love for God will keep you safe from going to far. Self Control.

Your best bet is to not try to take your relationship advice from movies or television. :wink:


#17

[quote=BibleReader]One of the things I decided years ago is that dating and courting are simply unnatural. No matter what, merging your life with that of another of the opposite sex is just really, really confusing. In a sense, having one’s brains filled with “DON’TS” because one’s blood and genitals are filled with hormone-driven “DOS” is simply a mess.

Teach your teens wisdom. Explain to them that the sex toward which they wish to grope (heh-heh-heh) is a God-created, God-blessed thing, that is intended to take place in the context of two folks perpetually committed to one another, in public marriage (administered by God’s Church), with the intent and wherewithal to set up their own “fort.”

Tell that that thinking or striving for a goal short of that is sinful.

Then tell them, “Good luck” and “I’ll say a prayer for you.”
[/quote]

If dating and courtship are unnatural, then what do you propose? Arranged marriages? That seems to be the only option you leave. How can a couple enter the sacrament of marriage if they do not truely love each other, or even want to freely marry each other? Please explain.


#18

I was watching Bishop Fulton Sheen on EWTN once he talked about courtship. He said it’s like looking through a gardener’s catalog and then picking out which flower is most beautiful to you. I think dating is the only real way to see what kind of a flower someone is. Dating is just spending time together to get to know one another. When it becomes apparent that marrying the person you are dating would be bad, then it is time to break up. The purpose of dating should be to find a spouse. Dating for the sake of dating is what is unnatural in my opinion.


#19

I think the best rule is whether or not you would want your parents to know what you’re doing. If your father or mother walked in on you, would you be embarrassed? Because in truth, our heavenly Father and Mother are watching every moment of our lives. Not only that, but they can read our intentions. So it is important to keep our actions and our minds pure. So next time you’re doing something with your boy/girlfriend, just picture your father walking in. If you’re truthful about it, that rule can’t fail.

jp2fan


#20

[quote=StratusRose]If dating and courtship are unnatural, then what do you propose? Arranged marriages? That seems to be the only option you leave. How can a couple enter the sacrament of marriage if they do not truely love each other, or even want to freely marry each other? Please explain.
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Hope. Prayer. Communication. Struggle.


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