How far is appropriate?


From what I’ve heard I was told to put yourself in a scenario like this…
Let’s say you know your future husband/wife is going to a different school that’s across the street from your school. You see your future spouse with a date from his/her school. How would you feel if you saw them making out? What should he/she do differently to make you feel more comfortable?

Just put yourself in that kind of situation, and usually that’ll give you a good idea on “how far” to go.


[quote=StratusRose]Imagine that Jesus is standing in the room. That should definintely help. I have a rosary in my bedroom to remind me that he’s everywhere.

This about sums it up. And just think, you don’t need to imagine it!!! He is really there, um, here…you know what I mean.


you should definitely read "Love in Courtship" by Father Lawrence G. Lovasik...i think it's available in most caholic stores. It covered pretty much everything for me, and is suprisingly specific. I was 21 and confused, and it really helped me out a LOT :) God Bless.

actually here's a link to it online, read to the end-


p.s: based on your question, chapter 3 and 4 would help you out the most i think..


Imagine that Jesus is standing in the room. That should definintely help. I have a rosary in my bedroom to remind me that he's everywhere.

That didn't stop me or my ex:(. It's hard especially when you are waiting and you make it to your 20's and you are still a virgin. But try always to be faithful to God and you will do good.


Lets be realistic here:

First of all, well done on realising that there is such a thing as too far. To have come to this conclusions despite the hormones raging through you shows an impressive level of maturity for a teen and you should be commended for it.

Secondly: Dont feel ashamed or guilty of your attractions and burgeoning sexuality. Also dont feel ashamed of feeling an attraction for someone you are close to.

Thirdly: From your opening post you mention that you know that intercourse and oral sex are unacceptable and you are correct. What remains is subjective (people have lots of opinions) What was mentioned here which is a good idea is the bathing suit rule. All Im gonna say is that this is a good rule of thumb. Dont go under the bathing suit, but you can decide if its going to be a one piece or a two piece.

I just wanna wish you best of luck, keep to your faith!

Incidentally if this wasnt a teen asking then thats a bit wierd


I would advise avoiding “occasions of sin”. If when you date you find yourselves alone in a private place with no chance of being seen or heard, you’re in danger of nature getting the best of you.

On the other hand if you go to places where you’d feel embarrassed getting “hot and heavy” with your date, you’re probably safe. Examples, a restaurant, a play, a concert, going out with a group of friends, going for a walk in the neighborhood, walking in a park in daylight, skiing, swimming at the municipal pool, going to a hockey or other sports game, playing tennis, etc.

There are plenty of things to do where you’ll be safe and get to know each other better. Surely a venue to talk is important too; one needs to exchange ideas, hopes and dreams! Dinner in a quiet restaurant is great for this, or sitting on the porch at home (when the house is occupied…). Also, get to know the potential in-laws, make them feel confident that you will respect their daughter or son. After all when you marry, the in-laws are part of the baggage, so you may as well start off on the right foot with them!

Avoid secluded parks at night, the house when there’s no danger of anybody being home for hours on end, parked cars in secluded areas, etc.

Somehow, most of our parents, pre-sexual revolution (at least mine were, as I’m a child of the 50s) managed, for the most part, courtship without sex, and were generally heavily chaperoned. They understood the meaning of “occasions of sin”.


Perhaps we should just let this thread die, considering it’s from march and the OP is no longer a member of these forums.

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