I apologize for the length, but this has been causing me serious distress and would like some advice and thoughts before I continue.
To try to make this quick, my father is in an immoral relationship with a woman while his wife, my mother, is in an irreversible coma. He knows how we feel about it. However, as I live away for college, when I come down, I make try my best to put disagreements aside so that I can don't lose another parent. He has just about fully integrated this woman and her children into his side of the family while keeping her a secret from my mom's side of the family (for obvious reasons, though my sick grandfather, her father, found out recently).
Anyways, this is where I have my question. We will be going on vacation for a few days after Christmas. The city we will be going to is where my mom's brother (my godfather) and his daughters (my cousins, one of them my own goddaughter) live. I rarely get to see them because of the distance, especially now when I am away in college if he does visit, I'm away.
My mom's side of the family is small and generally older (all except her and her brother). She was the glue that kept everyone together so now that she is in her condition, the family just lost touch and we don't all hang out together anymore.
I love my godfather and cousins dearly and hate that I never see them. After talking to my dad, he said (and I didn't argue at the time because I wanted to keep the peace) that I was to post nothing of the trip on Facebook or tell my uncle that we will be going. Why? His "girlfriend" and her children will be with us and he doesn't want my uncle to find out or cause trouble or make it uncomfortable for his girlfriend.
Though now that I think about it, I don't think it's fair that he can dictate to us not to see our relatives whom we barely get the chance to see just because his girlfriend, who we have serious problems with because of their relationship, is coming. After all, he asks us not to make him have to choose her or us when it comes to family events or stuff. It is only fair to ask him not to make us choose between her or my mom's side of the family (my mom's side of the family wins every time).
Would it be out of bounds to talk to him before he goes to spend the night at her place and say, "Dad, I'm sorry, but I love Mom's side of the family. I love my uncle and my cousins that I barely see and because I love them and barely see them, I would like to go see them when we are there. They won't have to go to the theme parks with us, but I will drive over to their house to spend time with them. They are my family."
Is that out of line?
How far do I have to take the 4th commandment of honoring my father and my commitment and love for my family?
Honestly, I try to be nice to his girlfriend and stuff because I am sick of fighting with him over it and I want to have a relationship with my remaining parent, however, I think there comes a time where I need to at least stand up for my right to see my family.
Any thoughts? Prayers would be appreciated.