How I Ended up Ceasing to Go to Liturgies


#1

Up until just this month (starting back in early November), I was attending liturgies at a Greco-Slavonic parish and I loved them. I was a catechumen up until recently hoping to convert from the Evangelical Covenant Church (after having been secretly sometimes an occultist, and other times an atheist, and always quite a liberal, never told the ECC that though) to Eastern Catholicism (for some reason, Roman Catholicism is just not fulfilling for me unless it’s actually in Rome).

But I to be perfectly honest, I don’t really have that good a relationship with either of my parents and I was always impounded from them (both of them being Evangelical to Emergent at times) not to make Christianity nothing more than the rituals (all the sacraments ever were) and that to become obsessed with the sacraments is to become “fundamentalist” (a word my dad likes throwing at others to make them sound stupid). My dad constantly telling me that because the Catholics adopted infant baptism in response to Muslims (contending that evidence to the contrary was a lie) and because the Council of Trent did away with indulgences (again, contending that evidence to the contrary was a lie) all I had was a right to be wrong.

I didn’t like the ugly of all this pushing from my dad especially, but both my parents really, and I never got the vibe they appreciated my conversion. Hence, I just wasn’t at peace and stopped attending the liturgies all-together. Every time I go, I’m always asked “Oh, what did he say for the homily?” and then every time I explain what was said, there’s generally a series of arguments as to why that’s not important or as to why the homily was wrong, etc. There’s not an appreciation despite claims to the contrary.

As such, I kind of stopped going for my own peace. I haven’t had to discuss any theological issues since I stopped going so maybe it’s been working. But on the inside, I’ve become angrier and angrier.


#2

Then you haven’t had peace. My suggestion would be to continue for you to search for the Truth. That’s what your soul is seeking - and you won’t be at peace until you yourself have discovered the Truth. Will searching for the Truth strain your relationship with your family? Of course. Jesus Himself mentioned that “A house of five will be divided: three against two and two against three, a son against his father and a father against his son, a mother-in-law against her daughter-and-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.” In other words, what has been happening to you is precisely what Jesus Himself foresaw - and it was quite common in the early Church.


#3

hi,
there is joy in teh Lord…so you need to go from this :frowning: to this :slight_smile:

life has ups and downs/then things seem impossible sometimes…my
ups and downs-personally i don’t have to be happy 100% of the time-i don’t know how-maybe 10% -as my point continues-on another post-some one asked, if Jesus was on earth, who was in heaven?-my impresson - was no empty seat-so it must be that the kingdom was Jesus’ kingdom-he brought to earth -so not to go too much into personal opinion-but the trinity is three persons-i like the idea of the kingdom on earth…acceptable to me is that other religions accept the idea of a trinity-my point is there is a common ecumenical ground; if in fact-as the OP cannot tell a person’s whole autobiography.well reflect on if in fact-as youth are known to rebel against parents…that you may have wanted to join the catholic church because it was the opposite your parents wanted-perhaps like , as the ultimate rebellion for independence issues, as if pulling a pin on a grenade and handing to mom or dad…words can do that , behavior can do that --that is a big if) ; if taht is your hindsight -then, peace is not yet realized in prayer-the kingdom in your soul-in a kingdom of souls-/ and in the logic of it all-if the context and the sense of conversion is just one more jump and change, from the occult to athiesm, etc) well reflect in hindsight…to review your life of change …while i might be sounding phrases of ‘tough love…;’ i hope it does not discourage you because in the kingdom of souls prayer will change things, if not in 24 hours…the gift of prayer is what to ask God for…There will be no regrets in any desicion to appreciate the liturgy of the church; there is peace to be gained and felt by meeting and praying with catholics-to join in -to give God glory…meanwhile-as prayer , as you pray, in an impossible situation, light a candle-in a dark room -better to light a candle than to curse the darkness…
my advise may seem more like accusations…near that candle-pray abut the possibilites/ and don’t forget to tell God that you love him/ this is a great spiritual joy :slight_smile:


#4

Seeking truth and knowing it is in your heart will discount anything that your parents will say to you to counter what you tell them. Believe in truth and believe in yourself that what is said in the Liturgies is concrete.

IE. Jesus broke bread and shared wine with His disciples stating it was His body and blood which will be shed so that our sins will be forgiven. (Did Jesus not die on the Cross?) Jesus also asked the disciples to have what we call the Lord’s Supper frequently to remember Him and to remember His sacrifice for us. Truth. How can you not believe in that? Said gently and softly.

Hi, hope you’re okay. :slight_smile:


#5

Ok, I see where you are coming from when it comes to the relationship with your parents…

What I want to know is where is your relationship with Christ?

Not the same thing. Do you go to worship Christ? or some other reason?


#6

To me, the solution seems to be to return to Church and discontinue arguments with your parents. Just smile and refuse to get into a discussion.


#7

I agree with this.


#8

I try, but my faith is often times damaged to be able to absorb the liturgy as something real and transcendent.


#9

They have a group that meets EVERY SUNDAY at MY HOUSE! There’s no WAY TO AVOID ARGUMENTS!

Should I slit my wrists or my throat?


#10

I thought that something like the Catholic Church was what my parents WANTED! It was what I WANTED! It is what I still DESIRE! Your comment doesn’t HELP! **** YOU!


#11

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down my friend. I know it may be hard but try to stay calm, anger isn’t going to fix the situation you’re in. I’m sure our fellow poster was just trying to help as well.

Anyway, lemme try this from a different tact. What is your relationship with your parents? Why are they visiting your house once a week?

I wonder if it is possible to try to avoid this topic with your parents. Surely they would stop being argumentative if you insisted on not discussing the topic? From an outsider’s point of view, if your parents persist with trying to argue and debate with you even after you’ve attempted to discontinue the conversation, that is a form of bullying and is not acceptable even from your parents.

I know this situation may seem very difficult now, but just do your best to be as positive as you can and you never know how things will change.

God Bless and Peace be with you


#12

I can certainly understand the frustration and strain that going to mass caused amongst your family. It is indeed a hard cross. Some responses have not been kind to your distress shown in your post. Rather than an answer from the internet, are you close enough to your priest to discuss this with him. Remembering the power Our Lady had at the marriage feast of Canna in her intercession over a mere social embarrassment; could you not pray for her intercession over this horrible family inquisition .
But do remember that Jesus must be more important than anything in your life. Giving up going for social peace is understandable as a temporary respite. But I would advise courage in your convictions and prayer for such courage. God bless you in this courage.


#13

I am so sorry you have to live in such a hostile environment. I grew up with parents that left the Catholic church, then they forbid us kids to go anywhere. I have heard all the attacks against the church, God, and Jesus. I never engaged my parents, and walked away when they brought it up. It is VERY sad now to see them in their waning years they have nothing to grasp at when life is about to end.

Instead of letting the evil one stir up the pot of discontent, when your parents start arguing with you, walk out. When you are stronger in your faith, smile and give them a hug and tell them they are wrong but you love them anyway. A positive change in you might be the best witness. I know too many hateful, Christians, they show their true colors when you mention you are Catholic.

Do not stop going to church, learning His word and being with like-minded people.


#14

This is great advice :slight_smile:

NewEnglandSun, it will take some practice in getting used to walking away and choosing not allowing them to pull you into arguments. But it’s a worthy relationship skill to learn and to have.

Good luck…


#15

How old are you? Are you still living with them? I am kinda confused as to how they have some group meet at your house?


#16
  1. i want to get out of the house asap. but they don’t trust me.

#17

Well they cant keep you there if you chose to leave. You are an adult in your own right :slight_smile:

From your profile you are in college. I take it finances are tight and they are financially supporting you? That can make it harder, I know, to leave.


#18

I am assuming that you live at home and they are supporting you while you attend college.
You have a number of complications here and the main thing is to try to get out on your own and be financially responsible for yourself ASAP. Then you can focus on attending Church of your choice hasle free. I am not sure what you mean by they don’t trust me but legally now you are an adult and the sooner you are not dependent on them, the quicker you can go to the Church of your choice.


#19

OP, my heart goes out to you. I converted to the Catholic faith when I was around the same age you are now, and my family was also against it. It isn’t easy to convert when all those around you are opposed to it, as you’ve found out. But it is immensely worth it – the sacraments are so precious and I cannot ever imagine leaving them.

So, FWIW, here are my thoughts.

  1. Continue going to the Eastern Catholic liturgies
  2. When your parents try to argue, don’t argue back. With a smile, say something non-committal and friendly like “Thank you for being concerned about me. But I really don’t want to argue with you right now. What’s for lunch?”

I found that one of the things that most disarmed my fundamentalist Protestant relatives when they were trying to prevent me from becoming Catholic was a statement like “Thank you for caring about the state of my soul. I don’t want to argue about theology right now, though – I’m just trying to follow the call of the Holy Spirit.”

In other words, whatever your response, don’t engage the arguments and try to be peaceful and loving.

  1. Develop a plan toward independence. You are a legal adult and have the right to make your own choices, but your parents likely still regard you in many ways as a child because you are still living there. Take some time to sit down and think about what you would need to move out of their home, either on your own or with a roommate. I suspect that living on your own will change the dynamic with your parents considerably – if nothing else, it will give you physical space from all the arguments and pressure.

Praying for you!


#20

Jesus said these words to us which are in the bible, “He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me and I live in him.” This reality is truely amazing that we who share him with each other, are one in him and he in us. How’s that for love…he living in us and we living in him.

Anyway, he may also be asking you to love those who hate you, which he also said. This would certainly hold for your parents. It may well be thru your suffering from them that they be given the grace to eventually turn back to Jesus. For Jesus said pick up your cross and follow me. And what did he do with his cross? Save us. And what do we do with our cross? Save others.

At times who dosen’t lose patience? It is hard to suffer our cross for others. But this is what he did for us and now he asks us to do that for others.

He is always there for you for “he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood lives in me and I live in him.”

Pray to him and you will see the light. I will pray for you too.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.


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