How is it possible for a married man to lust after his wife?


I once heard a Catholic Priest state that a married man can lust after his own wife and commit a sin. Under what circumstances can this be so?


I think the sin is when the husband demands marital relations when his spouse is ill, demands her to take part in sexual behavior that is uncomfortable and maybe even harmful to her. When the husband demands gratification in a place unsuitable for the act. Demanding relations when he is clearly intoxicated and wanting to only satify his own desires.These are only a few scenarios that can take place between husband and wife that could be “lustful”.

Love and peace, Mom of 5


Actually, due to original sin this can happen (lust) rather easily in a normal marriage. Christopher West and JPII explain it way better than I can. I think you can read about it in Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West and Love and Responsibility by JPII.


If the husband looks on his wife as only a tool for his gratification, and not someone with whom he wishes to share himself with in a loving way, than that is lust. Now that’s not to say that he can’t desire his wife in a sexual way, but if it is ONLY for his sexual gratification, and reduces her to an object for that end, then it is not appropriate for him to consider his wife in this way.



Yup, do it every day…

Every morning when I wake up (1 hour before her) and caress her body while she sleeps…and she gives me that sleepy “mmmm”…

When I get home after a tough day and are greeted at the door with a kiss and a squeeze (that usually results in my DD saying “Get a Room”… or "THAT (busted in a boob/behind squeeze) is TOTALLY inappropriate)

When we stagger into bed at night and just spoon…too physically tired to make anything of it.

See the thread here?? Mutual…Oh Yeah a man can “lust” for his wife…in the proper context…


I find it amazing that good catholics can be so explicit about sex in the proper context. It is a real eye opener for me and shows that sex can be talked about in a way that can show that it is good in the proper context.

My mom hated having to say anything about sex, much to my detriment…


Sex between a husband and wife is one of the most amazing gifts that God has given us! Not only are we blessed with the ability (some of us) to co-create life with God, but we have a way of sharing ourselves with our spouse that is so deeply intimate and unselfish that nothing else compares. It’s a fantastic and wonderful thing is sex! I’m all for it!! :slight_smile: (I’m also married!!)



Jay2 - that is very sweet btw. :slight_smile:



I really wouldn’t be concerned about “lusting” after a spouse unless sexual gratification is damaging your family by being to sole purpose of marriage.


I 100% agree with you! (BTW, I made some edits to your post above. :slight_smile: )


Here are some quotes from the catechism that may help:
**Marriage under the regime of sin **

1606 Every man experiences evil around him and within himself. This experience makes itself felt in the relationships between man and woman. Their union has always been threatened by discord, a spirit of domination, infidelity, jealousy, and conflicts that can escalate into hatred and separation. This disorder can manifest itself more or less acutely, and can be more or less overcome according to the circumstances of cultures, eras, and individuals, but it does seem to have a universal character.

1607 According to faith the disorder we notice so painfully does not stem from the nature of man and woman, nor from the nature of their relations, but from sin. As a break with God, the first sin had for its first consequence the rupture of the original communion between man and woman. **Their relations were distorted by mutual recriminations;96 their mutual attraction, the Creator’s own gift, changed into a relationship of domination and lust;97 and the beautiful vocation of man and woman to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth was burdened by the pain of childbirth and the toil of work.98 **
1608 Nevertheless, the order of creation persists, though seriously disturbed. To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them.99 Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them “in the beginning.”

From the section titled **Man’s first sin **:
400 The harmony in which they had found themselves, thanks to original justice, is now destroyed: the control of the soul’s spiritual faculties over the body is shattered; the union of man and woman becomes subject to tensions, their relations henceforth marked by lust and domination.282 Harmony with creation is broken: visible creation has become alien and hostile to man.283 Because of man, creation is now subject “to its bondage to decay”.284 Finally, the consequence explicitly foretold for this disobedience will come true: man will “return to the ground”,285 for out of it he was taken. Death makes its entrance into human history.286


Lol, good edits :slight_smile:


If you have ever heard a man speak about a woman (even his wife) by reducing her to just certain body parts, even if he thinks that he is being complimentary about them, I think it can cross the line to lust. I’m not talking about someone who just gives a compliment about their wife’s appearance, but the more base type of comments that I won’t repeat here.

I’ve seen men who married their wives as a “trophy” due to their physical beauty and they don’t even want to have a real conversation with the wife. I don’t know what could cause that except some lust and possibly some type of misplaced pride that allows him to think of her as a possession/object. When a man dismisses her in conversations, does not consult her on any major decisions and treats her like a child while only praising her beauty/figure, I’m not going to call it “love.”


Lust, in this context, means reducing one’s wife to a sex object instead of a human person that is loved and cherished. Lust doesn’t see the person, just the parts.

Passion for one’s wife is a very good thing. Passionate sex is of course part of a healthy married life. But that isn’t lust.




Lust, according to my understanding, causes us to look at another person as a sourse of our own gratification, and not as a person. So, if a husband decides, “My wife is simply an object that I use to masturbate,” that’s lust. Not to mention incredibly disturbing.
Basically, as others have said, lust strips another person of their personhood. So I imagine ignoring your wife’s needs and demanding gratification would also be lust.

closed #17

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit