Yes, over my entire childhood, adolescence, and early adult years, I developed deeply ingrained habits of unchastity, some of them criminal. I’ve gone to jail for it.
But I wasn’t a Christian that whole time! I wasn’t raised Christian! My dad had me baptized at 4 years old, and brought me to Mass just a few times, but that was it. We lived in an agnostic household.
So how is it fair that I now have habits which I don’t want anymore, and I can’t stop doing them? How is it fair that I’m in a state of mortal sin 6 out of 7 days a week?? Was it my fault that my Dad was a horrible person and refused to raise me in the religion of his parents? Was it my fault that he left a 7 year old alone every morning with the porn channel barely hidden (it was channel 79 or something)? Was it my fault that he let me listen to sexual radio talk shows at that age?
SO WHY CAN’T I BREAK THIS HABIT? Why is it MY fault that I fell into deep habits of sin AS A CHILD?
It’s not fair. I’m so angry about this. I’m always doing wrong, and always being punished for it, but these habits were not my fault in the first place!
And why does Jesus never fight off Satan for me when I turn to Jesus in times of temptation? Why does Jesus let me fall into sin every time? This is so not fair.
Yes, I know I’m wrong. I’ve been punished far less than I should have been. I should be in prison right now. So it’s me who’s wrong, not God. God is infinite mercy, etc etc. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m always in a state of mortal sin, and that my earnest prayers for help during temptations SEEM to go ignored, even if they aren’t.