How long should it take to receive permissions from Byzantine Rite to marry (a non-catholic) in Latin Rite church?


#41

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:39, topic:381176"]
Absolutely 2013 was a very good year!! Actually, there is a lot more to my story. My only sister (5 years older than me) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2010. She was my best friend and confidante.

It was one year and six months later, on March 16, 2013 when I experienced what I consider a miracle. All of a sudden, I felt this overwhelming desire to go to church. It came out of nowhere, as I hadn't had any thought of it prior to that day. It wasn't subtle - it was like a lightning bolt. I went to church the very next day, Sunday, March 17. I remember because it was St. Patrick's Day and that year was the week before Palm Sunday. I went to Reconciliation for the first time in 40 years the day before Holy Thursday. That was the beginning of my journey back. What I felt in my heart was that my beloved sister was with our Mom and Dad and the angels and saints, praying for me to return to Christ's Church. What she could not do here on earth, she was able to accomplish where she is now.

That's a big part of why I cry so hard every week in church. I know she's there, along with my Mom and Dad, and they are rejoicing with every other being in heaven.

Are you in RCIA? I have had to re-learn so many things after being away for so long.

What a joyous occasion it will be at your convalidation ceremony and your confirmations!! Patience definitely is a virtue, and it is so worth the pain of having to wait.

[/quote]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I greatly admire people who are terminal and who stay strong in their faith when most would falter.

My mother was severely disabled. She passed away when I was 20, the day before my 21st birthday. She never told us she was ill, but I suspected when she started having a minister come to the house to speak with her alone regularly. She was also a woman of strong faith. At the time, I was not. Yet, when I was making her funeral arrangements I felt it was right to include a crucifix on her headstone. A friend of mine, who was catholic, brought a wooden crucifix with the Our Father handwritten on the back to put in her hands the day of her funeral. That gesture deeply touched me.

I do not know how Mom would feel about me joining the Church. She was Lutheran and had some issues with Confession and with Marian devotions. She believed we should just go directly to God with our sins. I'd like to think she would understand and support me and that if she were still here she'd see the beauty of the faith.

My FIL is 80 and never misses Mass no matter where he is in the country. When my FIL was visiting our state he was a bit busy and wouldn't be here long. We knew it would most likely be the in-laws last trip to MI since they were beginning to show signs of poor health. My DH wanted to spend time alone with his dad, so he came up with a plan to wake up early and attend Mass with him. It was the first time he'd gone to Mass in over 20 years. He came home and shortly announced he felt a need to return to the faith of his youth. I was a bit worried about how this would change our relationship as we'd met and married as Pagans, became Atheist and then Agnostic together. I had no idea what this strange faith would do to him and to us. But I was supportive because that's what wives do, right? That's when I began to research Catholicism and discovered the need for annulment and convalidation.

On Pentecost DH was singing with the choir and asked me to come to Mass with him. I agreed. I walked into the church and sat in a pew. I just knew I was home. When the children leave for their liturgy we sing Jesus Loves Me. My mother used to sing that to me when I was a child and I clearly heard her voice that day singing with us. I hadn't heard her voice in over 16 years, but it was unmistakable. A few tears fell, I must admit. I scheduled an appointment with our priest and turned in the annulment papers couple weeks later along with announcing my intention to become catholic myself.

DH was talking my daughters with him to Mass regularly by the time I began to attend. The girls are from my previous "marriage", but their father has no interest in them and never really has, not even when we were "married". So, since my DH has raised them since they were 6 and 1 year old I felt he had every right to bring them to worship with him. Once I decided to join the Church we began RCIA as a family. Us women to learn and my DH to get a refresher. We completed the classes before Easter 2014. My oldest daughter decided to move out of state and become a Baptist. My younger daughter was Baptized and Confirmed at Easter Vigil. I cried like a baby.

I have made sure she understands her obligations to the Church and that when it comes time to marry she must do so within the Church and will full understanding of what a marriage is! She'll make her own mistakes in life, but invalid marriage will hopefully not be one of them. I never want her to be cut off from the Sacraments and feel the pain we feel.


#42

[quote="MJJean, post:41, topic:381176"]
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I greatly admire people who are terminal and who stay strong in their faith when most would falter.

My mother was severely disabled. She passed away when I was 20, the day before my 21st birthday. She never told us she was ill, but I suspected when she started having a minister come to the house to speak with her alone regularly. She was also a woman of strong faith. At the time, I was not. Yet, when I was making her funeral arrangements I felt it was right to include a crucifix on her headstone. A friend of mine, who was catholic, brought a wooden crucifix with the Our Father handwritten on the back to put in her hands the day of her funeral. That gesture deeply touched me.

I do not know how Mom would feel about me joining the Church. She was Lutheran and had some issues with Confession and with Marian devotions. She believed we should just go directly to God with our sins. I'd like to think she would understand and support me and that if she were still here she'd see the beauty of the faith.

My FIL is 80 and never misses Mass no matter where he is in the country. When my FIL was visiting our state he was a bit busy and wouldn't be here long. We knew it would most likely be the in-laws last trip to MI since they were beginning to show signs of poor health. My DH wanted to spend time alone with his dad, so he came up with a plan to wake up early and attend Mass with him. It was the first time he'd gone to Mass in over 20 years. He came home and shortly announced he felt a need to return to the faith of his youth. I was a bit worried about how this would change our relationship as we'd met and married as Pagans, became Atheist and then Agnostic together. I had no idea what this strange faith would do to him and to us. But I was supportive because that's what wives do, right? That's when I began to research Catholicism and discovered the need for annulment and convalidation.

On Pentecost DH was singing with the choir and asked me to come to Mass with him. I agreed. I walked into the church and sat in a pew. I just knew I was home. When the children leave for their liturgy we sing Jesus Loves Me. My mother used to sing that to me when I was a child and I clearly heard her voice that day singing with us. I hadn't heard her voice in over 16 years, but it was unmistakable. A few tears fell, I must admit. I scheduled an appointment with our priest and turned in the annulment papers couple weeks later along with announcing my intention to become catholic myself.

DH was talking my daughters with him to Mass regularly by the time I began to attend. The girls are from my previous "marriage", but their father has no interest in them and never really has, not even when we were "married". So, since my DH has raised them since they were 6 and 1 year old I felt he had every right to bring them to worship with him. Once I decided to join the Church we began RCIA as a family. Us women to learn and my DH to get a refresher. We completed the classes before Easter 2014. My oldest daughter decided to move out of state and become a Baptist. My younger daughter was Baptized and Confirmed at Easter Vigil. I cried like a baby.

I have made sure she understands her obligations to the Church and that when it comes time to marry she must do so within the Church and will full understanding of what a marriage is! She'll make her own mistakes in life, but invalid marriage will hopefully not be one of them. I never want her to be cut off from the Sacraments and feel the pain we feel.

[/quote]

What a beautiful story of conversion!! Your daughter is lucky to be aware of the most beautiful sacrament of marriage and how important it is to marry in the Church. I was 39 when I married and I think my mom and dad were so happy I found such a good man that they didn't object to my being married in a Methodist church. I had been away from the Catholic faith for so long, I never dreamed I would l want to come back. I never clearly understood the consequences of marrying outside the Church back then.

My second, and most sorrowful, mistake was agreeing to not have children. My husband had 2 grown daughters and wasn't interested in having more. At the time, I was so in love I thought it was enough to have him. This has caused much suffering and tension throughout the years in our marriage. We've weathered through it, but I still need to be healed of this sorrow so I can move beyond it.

I can sense that my husband has been fearful of what may happen to us as a result of my desire to return to church, especially since he's not interested in it for himself. I'm sure he's afraid this may separate us. He was brought up Methodist but hasn't been active in any faith since he was a kid (even then, I suspect he only went because his mother made him). He's scared of some of the changes already evident in me, but hopefully he will come to see it as positive. The only thing I can do is pray for him and try my best to live my faith to the best of my ability and be a good role model. I've asked him a few times to go to church with me, and he almost did last Christmas but backed out at the last minute. I want him to share in the blessings I've been receiving but I know firsthand that each person has to seek it for themselves.


#43

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:42, topic:381176"]
What a beautiful story of conversion!! Your daughter is lucky to be aware of the most beautiful sacrament of marriage and how important it is to marry in the Church. I was 39 when I married and I think my mom and dad were so happy I found such a good man that they didn't object to my being married in a Methodist church. I had been away from the Catholic faith for so long, I never dreamed I would l want to come back. I never clearly understood the consequences of marrying outside the Church back then.

My second, and most sorrowful, mistake was agreeing to not have children. My husband had 2 grown daughters and wasn't interested in having more. At the time, I was so in love I thought it was enough to have him. This has caused much suffering and tension throughout the years in our marriage. We've weathered through it, but I still need to be healed of this sorrow so I can move beyond it.

I can sense that my husband has been fearful of what may happen to us as a result of my desire to return to church, especially since he's not interested in it for himself. I'm sure he's afraid this may separate us. He was brought up Methodist but hasn't been active in any faith since he was a kid (even then, I suspect he only went because his mother made him). He's scared of some of the changes already evident in me, but hopefully he will come to see it as positive. The only thing I can do is pray for him and try my best to live my faith to the best of my ability and be a good role model. I've asked him a few times to go to church with me, and he almost did last Christmas but backed out at the last minute. I want him to share in the blessings I've been receiving but I know firsthand that each person has to seek it for themselves.

[/quote]

I know what you mean. My wife is a non-practicing Jewish woman. We met and married when I was away for the Faith. While in college, I actually believed that a Catholic was more compatible with a Jew better than with a Protestant! :rolleyes: Anyway, my wife sometimes feels like we are going in different directions due to my rekindled Faith. I personally don't think so, but she often blames my Faith on differences we have with raising our kids (just day to day things, not regarding religion). She will say things like "you didn't believe that before" and I would reply with "of course I did, I'm a registered Republican and always have been!" My wife was a moderate, but she is becoming more liberal in something as time goes on, sometimes I think it's perhaps because she thinks my position is related to my Catholic Faith...

Let him know that re-discovering your Catholic Faith will not make you love him less, only more. Make sure he knows that every time you ask him to go to Mass with you is because you love him. Most importantly, have patience and do not let your Faith or his lack of Faith hurt your marriage.

Catholics believe that love is more than a feeling or emotion. It's the giving of one's self for the betterment of another. Our biggest jobs on this Earth is to help our spouse get to Heaven.

God Bless you


#44

[quote="phil19034, post:43, topic:381176"]
I know what you mean. My wife is a non-practicing Jewish woman. We met and married when I was away for the Faith. While in college, I actually believed that a Catholic was more compatible with a Jew better than with a Protestant! :rolleyes: Anyway, my wife sometimes feels like we are going in different directions due to my rekindled Faith. I personally don't think so, but she often blames my Faith on differences we have with raising our kids (just day to day things, not regarding religion). She will say things like "you didn't believe that before" and I would reply with "of course I did, I'm a registered Republican and always have been!" My wife was a moderate, but she is becoming more liberal in something as time goes on, sometimes I think it's perhaps because she thinks my position is related to my Catholic Faith...

[/quote]

Haha, my husband and I are both Republicans, so he can't have that argument!

[quote="phil19034, post:43, topic:381176"]
Let him know that re-discovering your Catholic Faith will not make you love him less, only more. Make sure he knows that every time you ask him to go to Mass with you is because you love him. Most importantly, have patience and do not let your Faith or his lack of Faith hurt your marriage.

Catholics believe that love is more than a feeling or emotion. It's the giving of one's self for the betterment of another. Our biggest jobs on this Earth is to help our spouse get to Heaven.

God Bless you

[/quote]

Beautifully expressed! Thank-you and God bless


#45

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:5, topic:381176"]
I'm new at this forum and not sure how to do quotes, but this is to respond to Gorgias' comments:

“Your inability to validly receive the sacraments didn't start in September 2013, though; it started when you married outside of the Church. It sounds harsh -- and it clearly is very painful for you! -- but our decisions have consequences, and you're feeling the pain of the consequences of your decisions”

Yes, I understand that now. Having left the church in my 20's, I realize now how I have brought pain upon myself through my bad decisions in many areas. At the time I got married, I was not interested in returning to my Catholic faith. It was a time in my life when I was immature and wasn't thinking about consequences. I am happy to find myself returning now, and it most certainly has not been easy, but it is worth it. I know God has forgiven me, and I am still working on forgiving myself for poor choices.

“Your faith in Christ is under attack because bureaucracies are slow and inefficient?”

Ouch! I have been brutally honest with my feelings in my post and know that this sets me up to be judged. I love the Lord with all my heart and soul, which is why I cry every week at church, realizing I cannot receive the Eucharist and knowing full well that I did this to myself. When I said my faith is under attack, I meant that Satan seems to be working me over. I'm not as strong as I would like to be to fight back. I pray every day for strength and guidance.

“So, find another priest to perform the convalidation. But, don't blame him for the situation in which you find yourself.”

I don't blame him for the situation I'm in. Maybe angry is the wrong word. I am disappointed in how he has handled certain things, such as not following up/getting back to me and a deficit in providing spiritual guidance during this difficult time.

Without having walked in my shoes, I understand it may be hard to realize how much pain I have been in. I'm sure there are those who do understand and have nothing but compassion for me, which I am grateful for.

[/quote]


#46

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:42, topic:381176"]
What a beautiful story of conversion!! Your daughter is lucky to be aware of the most beautiful sacrament of marriage and how important it is to marry in the Church. I was 39 when I married and I think my mom and dad were so happy I found such a good man that they didn't object to my being married in a Methodist church. I had been away from the Catholic faith for so long, I never dreamed I would l want to come back. I never clearly understood the consequences of marrying outside the Church back then.

My second, and most sorrowful, mistake was agreeing to not have children. My husband had 2 grown daughters and wasn't interested in having more. At the time, I was so in love I thought it was enough to have him. This has caused much suffering and tension throughout the years in our marriage. We've weathered through it, but I still need to be healed of this sorrow so I can move beyond it.

I can sense that my husband has been fearful of what may happen to us as a result of my desire to return to church, especially since he's not interested in it for himself. I'm sure he's afraid this may separate us. He was brought up Methodist but hasn't been active in any faith since he was a kid (even then, I suspect he only went because his mother made him). He's scared of some of the changes already evident in me, but hopefully he will come to see it as positive. The only thing I can do is pray for him and try my best to live my faith to the best of my ability and be a good role model. I've asked him a few times to go to church with me, and he almost did last Christmas but backed out at the last minute. I want him to share in the blessings I've been receiving but I know firsthand that each person has to seek it for themselves.

[/quote]

When we met and married my husband never thought he would come back to the Church...ever. And, although he had a vague idea I would need to get an annulment of my first "marriage" when he did return, he had no clue he was required to marry in the Church for it to be valid. This is a guy who went to all the religious ed classes as a teen and was raised by a woman who initially planned on being a nun and then left when she realized it wasn't her calling and a man who never missed Mass! We were civilly married at age 27. We're just a few months apart in age. No one said a peep! we didn't know of the Church teachings on the subject until I found out out during my online research.

After my first "marriage" ended my now DH and then boyfriend and I conceived our son. We weren't married yet, I was still in the process of divorce. I was afraid of the future and what it would hold. I didn't want to risk having more children, my elder 2 were condom and Pill babies, so I had a tubal ligation. Over the last few years I have come to deeply regret that decision. I can't say I know how you feel since I am blessed with the 3 kids I have (ages 21, 16, and 13), I do understand wanting to have a baby and not being able to do so. I'm 39 now and I regularly wish I'd had a few more babies with my DH and that we could seriously consider pregnancy now before I begin menopause.

I understand your husbands fears. I felt that way, too. I wondered if my DH would divorce me in favor of his faith since we aren't validly married in the Church. I worried he'd decide to leave for a nice fertile catholic wife. I worried he would change drastically and everything from our sex life to our daily habits would just...alter... in ways that would cause unhappiness and distance between us. Thankfully, there have been changes and they have all been for the better. DH did a lot to reassure me and make me feel loved and included. He shared his faith with me through a few lecture series he found on Youtube, because we both like that sort of thing, and he always related stories about Mass. Sometimes something interesting the priest said during the homily, sometimes just tales of choir mishaps. He got me to my first Mass by telling me how happy he was to sing in the choir and asking me to come lend him some support and so that I would at least have a frame of reference when he talked about the church and the parishioners. To be supportive and because I was curious about the place and the people, I agreed to go. The Holy Spirit took care of the rest!


#47

[quote="MJJean, post:46, topic:381176"]
When we met and married my husband never thought he would come back to the Church...ever. And, although he had a vague idea I would need to get an annulment of my first "marriage" when he did return, he had no clue he was required to marry in the Church for it to be valid. This is a guy who went to all the religious ed classes as a teen and was raised by a woman who initially planned on being a nun and then left when she realized it wasn't her calling and a man who never missed Mass! We were civilly married at age 27. We're just a few months apart in age. No one said a peep! we didn't know of the Church teachings on the subject until I found out out during my online research.

After my first "marriage" ended my now DH and then boyfriend and I conceived our son. We weren't married yet, I was still in the process of divorce. I was afraid of the future and what it would hold. I didn't want to risk having more children, my elder 2 were condom and Pill babies, so I had a tubal ligation. Over the last few years I have come to deeply regret that decision. I can't say I know how you feel since I am blessed with the 3 kids I have (ages 21, 16, and 13), I do understand wanting to have a baby and not being able to do so. I'm 39 now and I regularly wish I'd had a few more babies with my DH and that we could seriously consider pregnancy now before I begin menopause.

I understand your husbands fears. I felt that way, too. I wondered if my DH would divorce me in favor of his faith since we aren't validly married in the Church. I worried he'd decide to leave for a nice fertile catholic wife. I worried he would change drastically and everything from our sex life to our daily habits would just...alter... in ways that would cause unhappiness and distance between us. Thankfully, there have been changes and they have all been for the better. DH did a lot to reassure me and make me feel loved and included. He shared his faith with me through a few lecture series he found on Youtube, because we both like that sort of thing, and he always related stories about Mass. Sometimes something interesting the priest said during the homily, sometimes just tales of choir mishaps. He got me to my first Mass by telling me how happy he was to sing in the choir and asking me to come lend him some support and so that I would at least have a frame of reference when he talked about the church and the parishioners. To be supportive and because I was curious about the place and the people, I agreed to go. The Holy Spirit took care of the rest!

[/quote]

Since I was 39 when I got married, I had the erroneous thought that I was too old to have children anyway...that was in 1990 before more and more women were having babies in their fortys (and even fifties!). A few years after our marriage, I began to regret this decision and it's given me nothing but pain and torment since. I would often have dreams of being pregnant and happy; then I would wake up and realize it wasn't real and feel depressed. I am 63 years old now and I still dream about having children. Once we receive our marriage blessing, I am actually thinking I will pray about adoption or fostering. At this stage of our lives, I don't feel confident my husband will go for it, but I trust that if it's what God's plan is, He will make a way.

My husband has never expressed interest in my faith. I've yet to get him to go to church with me. He almost went with me last Christmas, but backed out at the last minute. He seems afraid. Our convalidation ceremony will be the first time he steps foot in my church; although, he did attend the funeral Mass for my sister at her church and seemed somewhat impressed and in awe. Again, I have to trust in God's plan and just work to be as faithful as I can be in showing my husband the goodness of following in Christ's footsteps.


#48

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:42, topic:381176"]
He was brought up Methodist but hasn't been active in any faith since he was a kid (even then, I suspect he only went because his mother made him).

[/quote]

You could ask him, I suppose. :cool:


#49

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:47, topic:381176"]
Since I was 39 when I got married, I had the erroneous thought that I was too old to have children anyway...that was in 1990 before more and more women were having babies in their fortys (and even fifties!). A few years after our marriage, I began to regret this decision and it's given me nothing but pain and torment since. I would often have dreams of being pregnant and happy; then I would wake up and realize it wasn't real and feel depressed. I am 63 years old now and I still dream about having children. Once we receive our marriage blessing, I am actually thinking I will pray about adoption or fostering. At this stage of our lives, I don't feel confident my husband will go for it, but I trust that if it's what God's plan is, He will make a way.

My husband has never expressed interest in my faith. I've yet to get him to go to church with me. He almost went with me last Christmas, but backed out at the last minute. He seems afraid. Our convalidation ceremony will be the first time he steps foot in my church; although, he did attend the funeral Mass for my sister at her church and seemed somewhat impressed and in awe. Again, I have to trust in God's plan and just work to be as faithful as I can be in showing my husband the goodness of following in Christ's footsteps.

[/quote]

I have mixed feelings on the whole older parent thing.

On one hand, life!

On the other hand, being raised by older parents can be hard on the kids if the parents aren't "young for their ages" and in excellent health. My husband was a late life baby. He's the youngest of 5. His mom had him in her early 40's. He isn't close to his siblings because of the age differences. They were mostly grown and a few of them had already gone on to college and careers when he was in pre-school. This causes him much pain and sadness especially since his parents are now in their 80's and soon will be moving to a care facility as they aren't in the best health. It's sad for him that he will lose his parents and barely knows his siblings, the only family he has left outside of us. He doesn't really relate well to our peers because he spent much of his childhood around older adults and sometimes their much older kids. There's always the possibility of one or both older parents passing away before the kid is grown or of suffering physical disease/decline related to age and being unable to fulfill the activity needs of a child. And, of course, the possibility of birth defects rises with maternal age and the possibility of naturally conceiving falls as maternal age rises.

At 39 and wishing I could have had a few more babies I totally understand thinking you were too old to do it. It's possible I could have surgery to reverse my tubal ligation, but if I did I wouldn't be able to become pregnant or give birth until I was in my 40's. Just because I could doesn't mean I should! I have a mild heart condition that didn't surface until a couple years ago that could complicate going under for the surgery and could cause problems during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Additionally, I don't have the energy I used to, I like sleeping uninterrupted, and my youngest is 13..so do I really want to start over with a new baby?? I am working on acceptance and am trying to be active in volunteering with children. Plus, my siblings are younger and their children are also young, not to mention many friends who are still having babies. So, I get my "baby fix" through family and friends.

Have you thought of volunteering with kids? There are a lot of kids out there that need someone who can spare some time for them. Faith formation, youth groups, tutoring, mentoring.. I bet some kid(s) out there would really benefit from your life experience and love.


#50

[quote="MJJean, post:49, topic:381176"]
I have mixed feelings on the whole older parent thing.

On one hand, life!

On the other hand, being raised by older parents can be hard on the kids if the parents aren't "young for their ages" and in excellent health. My husband was a late life baby. He's the youngest of 5. His mom had him in her early 40's. He isn't close to his siblings because of the age differences. They were mostly grown and a few of them had already gone on to college and careers when he was in pre-school. This causes him much pain and sadness especially since his parents are now in their 80's and soon will be moving to a care facility as they aren't in the best health. It's sad for him that he will lose his parents and barely knows his siblings, the only family he has left outside of us. He doesn't really relate well to our peers because he spent much of his childhood around older adults and sometimes their much older kids. There's always the possibility of one or both older parents passing away before the kid is grown or of suffering physical disease/decline related to age and being unable to fulfill the activity needs of a child. And, of course, the possibility of birth defects rises with maternal age and the possibility of naturally conceiving falls as maternal age rises.

At 39 and wishing I could have had a few more babies I totally understand thinking you were too old to do it. It's possible I could have surgery to reverse my tubal ligation, but if I did I wouldn't be able to become pregnant or give birth until I was in my 40's. Just because I could doesn't mean I should! I have a mild heart condition that didn't surface until a couple years ago that could complicate going under for the surgery and could cause problems during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Additionally, I don't have the energy I used to, I like sleeping uninterrupted, and my youngest is 13..so do I really want to start over with a new baby?? I am working on acceptance and am trying to be active in volunteering with children. Plus, my siblings are younger and their children are also young, not to mention many friends who are still having babies. So, I get my "baby fix" through family and friends.

Have you thought of volunteering with kids? There are a lot of kids out there that need someone who can spare some time for them. Faith formation, youth groups, tutoring, mentoring.. I bet some kid(s) out there would really benefit from your life experience and love.

[/quote]

I have mixed feelings about the whole older parent thing and I'm there. :) I'm pregnant with my 6th baby at 45 and my husband is 48. I was never a young parent - my first was born when I was 32. I sometimes fantasize about what it would have been like to have a baby at 20 or 25. Each time it gets harder and I have definitely felt my babies after about 38. Thankfully, they'll have siblings close in age and they're all very close. When I watch my parents, who are in their 60s and not in good health, and realize that I'll be 63 when this child turns 18, it really brings home for me that I need to stay healthy. Reality is, I'm an old parent and I'm going to keep getting older. But, this child will be brought into a family with so much love to give and siblings who are eagerly awaiting her arrival. If this is God's will, we happily accept it, even if I can see the struggles it will entail.

Volunteering to teach Faith Formation is such an excellent suggestion! I know a couple of women whose children are grown who teach my children. It is such a blessing. Mothers of young children can be so overwhelmed, but it seems the majority of such volunteering is done my them. It is so much appreciated when somebody else steps in to help.


#51

[quote="babochka, post:50, topic:381176"]
I have mixed feelings about the whole older parent thing and I'm there. :) I'm pregnant with my 6th baby at 45 and my husband is 48. I was never a young parent - my first was born when I was 32. I sometimes fantasize about what it would have been like to have a baby at 20 or 25. Each time it gets harder and I have definitely felt my babies after about 38. Thankfully, they'll have siblings close in age and they're all very close. When I watch my parents, who are in their 60s and not in good health, and realize that I'll be 63 when this child turns 18, it really brings home for me that I need to stay healthy. Reality is, I'm an old parent and I'm going to keep getting older. But, this child will be brought into a family with so much love to give and siblings who are eagerly awaiting her arrival. If this is God's will, we happily accept it, even if I can see the struggles it will entail.

Volunteering to teach Faith Formation is such an excellent suggestion! I know a couple of women whose children are grown who teach my children. It is such a blessing. Mothers of young children can be so overwhelmed, but it seems the majority of such volunteering is done my them. It is so much appreciated when somebody else steps in to help.

[/quote]

Congratulations!

My oldest is 21. I had her at 18. My middle I had at 23 and my "baby" was born when I was 26. I liked being a young parent because I still had energy and stamina. Besides, my peers were all out there wasting time partying and hooking up. I didn't miss anything, you know? If I wanted to go do something I'd just pack up the littles and take them with me. And I had grandparents who were more than willing to babysit if I needed kid free time. Sometimes my ex MIL would even bribe me so she could have the kids, rofl.

There are definitely benefits to older parents, though. More patience. Usually know how to manage stress better and tend to not lose their minds if the toddler licks the soap or breaks some knick knack. Not to mention older parents are also typically better off financially. (I tell my kids I liked having them when we were young and broke. Builds character. And when they are out of the house we will be able to fully enjoy being kid free and financially stable enough to go out and do things, teehee) And older parents have more life experience to pass on to their offspring. Not to mention older parents can teach their kids ways of doing things that really are better and yet dying out in our society.

I pray you have a joyful pregnancy, a smooth delivery, and a healthy baby!


#52

[quote="MJJean, post:51, topic:381176"]
Congratulations!

My oldest is 21. I had her at 18. My middle I had at 23 and my "baby" was born when I was 26. I liked being a young parent because I still had energy and stamina. Besides, my peers were all out there wasting time partying and hooking up. I didn't miss anything, you know? If I wanted to go do something I'd just pack up the littles and take them with me. And I had grandparents who were more than willing to babysit if I needed kid free time. Sometimes my ex MIL would even bribe me so she could have the kids, rofl.

There are definitely benefits to older parents, though. More patience. Usually know how to manage stress better and tend to not lose their minds if the toddler licks the soap or breaks some knick knack. Not to mention older parents are also typically better off financially. (I tell my kids I liked having them when we were young and broke. Builds character. And when they are out of the house we will be able to fully enjoy being kid free and financially stable enough to go out and do things, teehee) And older parents have more life experience to pass on to their offspring. Not to mention older parents can teach their kids ways of doing things that really are better and yet dying out in our society.

I pray you have a joyful pregnancy, a smooth delivery, and a healthy baby!

[/quote]

I've always heard the thing about patience, but I'm not sure it is true. I've found that patience is directly tied to energy, and energy is in short supply when you're 45 and pregnant. I must say, I've never freaked out when my kids have put disgusting things into their mouths. I always attributed that to my laid back personality, though, and not my age.

I had a great time in my 20s and early 30s and I'm grateful for that. I've served in the military, traveled extensively, finished college, and had a fulfilling and successful career as a social worker before staying home with my kids. I've never once wondered if I was missing out. As my husband puts it, when we lament about the retirement we might not get to have, he was "retired" for 15 years before getting married!


#53

[quote="babochka, post:52, topic:381176"]
I've always heard the thing about patience, but I'm not sure it is true. I've found that patience is directly tied to energy, and energy is in short supply when you're 45 and pregnant. I must say, I've never freaked out when my kids have put disgusting things into their mouths. I always attributed that to my laid back personality, though, and not my age.

I had a great time in my 20s and early 30s and I'm grateful for that. I've served in the military, traveled extensively, finished college, and had a fulfilling and successful career as a social worker before staying home with my kids. I've never once wondered if I was missing out. As my husband puts it, when we lament about the retirement we might not get to have, he was "retired" for 15 years before getting married!

[/quote]

I imagine lack of energy, 5 kids, and pregnant hormones do make one a bit snarky at times. My mom had me young and was a very patient person. Me, not so much. I kept waiting for my patience to come in and have finally given up and just work on the self control necessary not to lose it when someone does something truly ridiculously foolish. :blush:

I also never lost it when my kids ate bugs or mud or licked the WD-40 cap. I had younger siblings, so I knew they'd live. I was pretty laid back, too, and I am grateful for the strong immune systems the kids got from kissing the dog and crunching mud pies.

I had a plan to join the military, go to college while serving, get a position with the CDC, and maybe travel the world doing charity medical work in my spare time. Then I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. Sometimes I do wish I'd stuck with my plan and had never gotten pregnant. I have made peace with my decisions because I believe everything happened the way it did for a reason and I have my kids to show for those years.

You inspire me. If 45 year old women can be havin' babies I can go to college and have a career after mine are grown! :D Some of us get our kid free "retirement" when we're young and some of us get it when we're old-ish. So long as we get it I'm ok!


#54

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:1, topic:381176"]
I am beyond upset.

I was baptized as an infant 63 years ago in a Greek Catholic church (Byzantine Rite). My entire family switched over to Roman Catholic years later, and both my older sister and brother were married in a Roman Catholic church.

I fell away from the church about 40 years ago and returned just last year. I had married in a Methodist church 24 years ago and was asked by my priest (during confession) if I thought about having my marriage blessed. I knew nothing about it, and he said "there are some forms you have to fill out".

I immediately started the process and found out there was a little more to it than filling out some forms!! My husband had 2 prior marriages so we had to go through the annulment process. This was extremely long and painful for both of us. It became even more painful when I found out I could not receive communion until after the marriage convalidation. I have sat in the back of the church each and every Sunday and holy day of obligation since September 2013, crying my eyes out.

We finally received both annulments the end of September this year. I was so happy and excited. My priest said that in order for me to be married in a Roman Catholic church, the diocese would have to receive permission from the Byzantine Rite since they have jurisdiction over me. He said they would also need to get permission from the Byzantine rite for me to marry a non-Catholic.

It's been 2 1/2 months since he started that process and he hasn't been able to give me any information at all as to how long this will take. He just says he can't speed up the process. I don't think my brother and sister had to wait that long to get their permissions to marry in Roman Catholic churches, but they both married Catholics, which may or may not made a difference in their situations.

It's been almost a year and a half since we first met with my priest to initiate the marriage blessing. Because of the process itself and the length of time it is taking, my husband is completely turned off regarding the Catholic religion. Recently, my faith has been under attack and I have stopped going to church the last 3 weeks. I am feeling angry at my priest. I have poured my heart out on 3 separate occasions to him, but have received no advice or guidance of any sort on how to get through this and no words that comfort me. I no longer am feeling like this will be a joyful occasion, and I really do not want him to be the one to perform the ceremony but I feel like I'm stuck with him.

At least the diocese kept us informed every step of the way during the Tribunal process and I knew it would take at least a year. Now, it's one big question mark. If I could just know when to expect to get past this final step, it would help.

I decided to attend mass again, but am feeling very lost and alone. If anyone has gone through this or knows something about the process, it would help to hear more about what is required and why it takes so long.

Thank-you.

[/quote]

I humbly ask for your prayers.

I started this thread on November 17, 2014 and here it is January 22, 2015 and I am still waiting for the permissions.

My journey back to the church began in March 2013 and it'll be 2 years this coming May since I started down the process of having my marriage blessed. We got through the annulments by September 2014, but for whatever reason this last step to get permission from the Byzantine church has been equally as difficult. The delay has been with the Latin church.

Where it stands now is that the paperwork didn't get to the Eparchy until December. I won't go into all the problems, but much of it lies with the fact that my priest has never done this before. He admitted to me that he has a problem with communication and said that, according to the Diocese, it still takes 6 months for a marriage, whether it's a new marriage or a convalidation. That doesn't make sense to me because my husband and I have been civilly married 24 years and my priest has said that there has nothing else that needs to be done except for receiving these permissions. The end of March 2015 will be 6 months from receipt of the annulments. The way things are going, I'm not feeling confident the blessing will even occur then.

On January 6, the Eparchy asked for 3 items: 1,) A letter of permission to use the Latin church building for this marriage, 2.) An affidavit affirming non-Catholic baptism for the groom, and 3.) A letter testifying that the priest is satisfied that the couple is free to marry. They said that samples would be sent out to the Diocese Chancellor the next day. The Chancellor's secretary said she would "scan and forward them" to my priest as soon as she gets them. I keep checking with my priest and he said that as of last Saturday he hadn't received anything. I sent him an email last Monday asking him if he'd check with the secretary but he has not replied. I get the feeling he's annoyed that I keep asking and thinks I'm putting too much pressure on him.

I have tried to let go and put this all out of my mind, but it creeps in and upsets me as soon as I start thinking about it. I stopped going to mass because I have felt so weakened that I can no longer cope with the emotions I feel about not being able to receive the Eucharist. Plus, I am feeling angry about the situation and unfortunately most of my anger is directed toward my priest. I don't want to feel this way.

I keep thinking if I go to another church for confession that perhaps I can receive healing and strength to endure the rest of the time I have to wait but I have not been able to muster up the courage to do even that. No matter what I've tried to do in the past few months, it seems to be getting worse instead of better.


#55

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:54, topic:381176"]
... Plus, I am feeling angry about the situation and unfortunately most of my anger is directed toward my priest. I don't want to feel this way.

...

[/quote]

Patience is difficult. One thing to remember is that the priest must comply with canon law and that the permissions must come from your proper bishop (in accord with the eastern canon law), and the bishop may be very busy. The reason that proof of baptism is necessary is that without a valid baptism of your spouse, then a dispensation must be granted for disparity of cult (ad cautelam). For mixed religion there is permission needed rather than a dispensation. Also the eastern canon law has additional requirement that the Latin canon law does not.


#56

[quote="MaryEllen1951, post:54, topic:381176"]
I humbly ask for your prayers.

I started this thread on November 17, 2014 and here it is January 22, 2015 and I am still waiting for the permissions.

My journey back to the church began in March 2013 and it'll be 2 years this coming May since I started down the process of having my marriage blessed. We got through the annulments by September 2014, but for whatever reason this last step to get permission from the Byzantine church has been equally as difficult. The delay has been with the Latin church.

.... The way things are going, I'm not feeling confident the blessing will even occur then.

...
I have tried to let go and put this all out of my mind, but it creeps in and upsets me as soon as I start thinking about it. I stopped going to mass because I have felt so weakened that I can no longer cope with the emotions I feel about not being able to receive the Eucharist. Plus, I am feeling angry about the situation and unfortunately most of my anger is directed toward my priest. I don't want to feel this way.

....I have to wait but I have not been able to muster up the courage to do even that. No matter what I've tried to do in the past few months, it seems to be getting worse instead of better.

[/quote]

Blessings MaryEllen - as one who - along with my spouse - had to go through the annulment process - on pins and needles - nearly two years [what if one of us received an annulment decision and the others first marriage was up held :( ] I understand the frustration and waiting game .....

If I remember your initial post - you left the faith for nearly 40 years .... your renewal and rekindling of your relationship with our Lord - Jesus and His Church is a beautiful journey of faith ... I know you are anxious to receive - as we were ...

This is what helped us as we prayed and waited .. Look not at others around you as if its their fault you are in this situation. Our situation was made - by us .. it was the path we freely chose ... We made our bed as the old saying goes - we had to sleep in it .. don't like it - fix it ....

Our Lord waited years for us to come back - to even begin to hunger for Him... All of that time He longed for us to return .. I suggest you read the Book of Hosea .. consider yourself the wayward spouse - taken into the desert - this time is a period of courtship - our Lord is wooing you back .. He wants you to long for Him as He longed for you .. it is not instant gratification that satisfies the heart ... He wants you to be hungry and thirsty for rich fare and fine wine - a feast - the very Body and Blood of your Savior. He wants to feast with you...

I expect this time of separation - not because you have abandoned God as you did in the past - but as He welcomes you back in right relationship will make such an impression on you that you will never want to be separated from Him ever again ...

So - since I am an engineer and numbers are part and parcel .. you left Jesus and the Church for approximately 40 years .. You come back and it is taking 2 years to correct all the issues ... Jesus has been waiting 20 times longer then you have ;)


#57

[quote="Vico, post:55, topic:381176"]
Patience is difficult. One thing to remember is that the priest must comply with canon law and that the permissions must come from your proper bishop (in accord with the eastern canon law), and the bishop may be very busy. The reason that proof of baptism is necessary is that without a valid baptism of your spouse, then a dispensation must be granted for disparity of cult (ad cautelam). For mixed religion there is permission needed rather than a dispensation. Also the eastern canon law has additional requirement that the Latin canon law does not.

[/quote]

Thank-you - I'm worried about the baptism requirement. My husband's family was Methodist but not regular church goers. We went to his church to obtain his record of baptism. They keep handwritten records in these large books in chronological order. We found his 2 older sister's records, but the book that would have contained my husband and his older brother was missing. The church said they did not know what happened to the book and was not helpful in recovering the information. My husband's mother and two older sisters are deceased and his other siblings have no memory of the baptisms. So, we cannot confirm nor deny that he was baptized.

We told this to the priest when we first stated this almost 2 years ago and he was not concerned at the time. Now I'm wondering if this will be yet another roadblock that we won't be able to overcome easily.


#58

[quote="YADA, post:56, topic:381176"]
Blessings MaryEllen - as one who - along with my spouse - had to go through the annulment process - on pins and needles - nearly two years [what if one of us received an annulment decision and the others first marriage was up held :( ] I understand the frustration and waiting game .....

If I remember your initial post - you left the faith for nearly 40 years .... your renewal and rekindling of your relationship with our Lord - Jesus and His Church is a beautiful journey of faith ... I know you are anxious to receive - as we were ...

This is what helped us as we prayed and waited .. Look not at others around you as if its their fault you are in this situation. Our situation was made - by us .. it was the path we freely chose ... We made our bed as the old saying goes - we had to sleep in it .. don't like it - fix it ....

Our Lord waited years for us to come back - to even begin to hunger for Him... All of that time He longed for us to return .. I suggest you read the Book of Hosea .. consider yourself the wayward spouse - taken into the desert - this time is a period of courtship - our Lord is wooing you back .. He wants you to long for Him as He longed for you .. it is not instant gratification that satisfies the heart ... He wants you to be hungry and thirsty for rich fare and fine wine - a feast - the very Body and Blood of your Savior. He wants to feast with you...

I expect this time of separation - not because you have abandoned God as you did in the past - but as He welcomes you back in right relationship will make such an impression on you that you will never want to be separated from Him ever again ...

So - since I am an engineer and numbers are part and parcel .. you left Jesus and the Church for approximately 40 years .. You come back and it is taking 2 years to correct all the issues ... Jesus has been waiting 20 times longer then you have ;)

[/quote]

Thank-you for your kind words and good advice. I have thought the same thoughts that I am the one who left for all those years and now I'm impatient to be brought back. I'm thinking that satan does not want me back to the church and is working on me. I was very strong in the beginning, but now have felt very weakened in my resolve. I'm having trouble re-gaining my initial feelings of longing and hope. It just seems that things keep happening to discourage and delay. For over a year and a half I attended mass without being able to receive communion. I cried each week, but I kept going. Lately I have felt as though I can't do it any more.


#59

I'm beginning to think that maybe all this means I should go to mass at the Byzantine church and perhaps I will feel as though I want to worship there and have them perform the wedding. Does anyone know if they would honor the Latin church's official Decrees of Nullity?

I haven't been there since I was in grade school, so I am unfamiliar with what they do during mass and truthfully a little scared to go there. In my childhood, the entire mass was said in Russian and hopefully they now speak in English.

The only Byzantine church is almost an hour's drive away and all of the Roman Catholic churches are a 30 minute drive away, so that has had some bearing on my choice.

Then again, I'm probably over-thinking everything and what I need to do is pray and meditate to hear the Holy Spirit.


#60

[quote="Vico, post:55, topic:381176"]
Patience is difficult. One thing to remember is that the priest must comply with canon law and that the permissions must come from your proper bishop (in accord with the eastern canon law), and the bishop may be very busy. The reason that proof of baptism is necessary is that without a valid baptism of your spouse, then a dispensation must be granted for disparity of cult (ad cautelam). For mixed religion there is permission needed rather than a dispensation. Also the eastern canon law has additional requirement that the Latin canon law does not.

[/quote]

One thing that is done sometimes with con-validation, even between two Catholics of which one has fallen away from the faith, is that a dispensation for disparity of cult is granted as a precaution. CCEO Canon 814 is required when dispensing disparity of cult impediment or giving permission due to disparity of worship.
[Disparity of Cult]

Canon 803 - §1. Marriage with a non-baptized person cannot validly be celebrated.
§2. If at the time of the celebration of the marriage the party was commonly held to be baptized or his or her baptism was doubtful, the validity of the marriage is to be presumed, according to the norm of can. 779, until it is proven with certainty that one party was baptized and the other was not.
§3. Concerning the conditions for dispensing, can. 814 is to be applied.

[Disparity of Worship]

Canon 813 - Marriage between two baptized persons, one of whom is Catholic and the other of whom is non-Catholic, is prohibited without the prior permission of the competent authority.

[Conditions]

Canon 814 - For a just reason the local hierarch can grant permission; however he is not to grant it unless the following conditions are fulfilled:
1° the Catholic party declares that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of falling away from the faith and makes a sincere promise to do all in his or her power to have all the offspring baptized and educated in the Catholic Church;
2° the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;
3° both parties are to be instructed on the essential ends and properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either spouse.

Canon 815 - The particular law of each Church sui iuris is to establish the manner in which these declarations or promises, which are always required, are to be made, what proof of them there should be in the external forum and how they are to be brought to the attention of the non-Catholic party.


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