Agreed. Though I’d rather he based the good treatment on a genuine need to be charitable to others. As in, a need coming from inside, rather than a fear of anything. I fear no competition when treating ladies well and sometimes I behave the right way knowing that being a gentleman ends you up in the friend bracket.
My idea about other women… if he isn’t soon won over by me, who needs him? It shouldn’t be a hard choice. If he can’t pick me in a short time, she can have him.
Now, why should he not think the same, but you should? You must admit it’s a different standard for you and for him. You have to be won over in a long process in which he’s proving himself, but he has to pick you quickly without knowing that much about you. Again, with respect, I consider that a bit unfair.
I wouldn’t want to be anyone’s second choice.
Neither. But I wouldn’t want to be the guy who spoke the most languages, had the best education and got the biggest paycheck in the right place at the right time, knowing fully well it was an evaluation of assets ending in my favour because someone thought he couldn’t make any better.
No, I wouldn’t like to be dating someone who kissed me while he was out kissing other women. Nor do I take the view that a woman is a prize to be won.
Hah. There’s a bit of schizophrenia in the public mores. On the one hand, there are all the good things of chivarly. On the other hand, there’s the mentality in which a woman’s charms are the reward of a hero. The noble version isn’t all that noble when you look into it…
…And the reasonable version with mutual-interest-based marriages in which people pick partners freely basing on what they like (think finding matches on a dating site), doesn’t really work out that great.
In fact, I’m inclined to conclude it’s for the best if things are left to their own course, so long as it’s not overly pathological. I suppose it’s just hard to take that the process is so complicated, some people are left out, others end up in abusive or mismatched relationships and so on.
Please don’t say you understand my xh in any way. That scares me for you.
Okay. I certainly don’t like double standards, rest assured. I just somewhat empathise with preference to avoid competition.
I personally think the ability to be in any way intimate with more than one person is probably more a guy thing. Many women are much quicker to want a commitment sooner rather than later. The woman who plays the field is not the cliche.
My intuition says you’re right, but I think some women like the idea of having many suitors to fight for them, many guys to depend on, this kind of thing. Traditionally, guys would be the more one-night-stand-inclined sex, as well. These days things are changing, however. And I’m not sure about the commitment thing. In my experience, my past girlfriends have had the knack for first complaining about being suffocated by my wanting to spend time with them, while constnatly giving me the impression they are trying to run away or close me in a bracket, only later to complain that I am the one neglecting or ignoring them when I have learnt to deal with their smaller need for spending time with me by finding myself a new hobby or something like that.