at times i think- how long until God leaves me? i think it is me. i test God. i know this is wrong. i do not know how to trust Him. when i am close i do things to keep God away. at other times i think i make a way past this. no. i think it is always like this. to be Catholic is a torture. tomorrow i will go to Mass. i will go to Communion. i think any minute God will do what He does for doing this. You know it is me. i do not believe love. i find a way to know God. the way i find is to be under punishing. i am not worthy of this. so it is ok.
you should not think this. you should think like Catholics do. believe God loves you. then you will be ok.
Our Lord will never leave or forsake us.He will be with us till the end of the world.He gave us the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us to Him.He gave us the Church to teach us,to offer us the Sacraments.He gave us each other to pray,care and love.Our weeknesses are no deterant to His Love,Grace and Faithfulness.I will be praying for you,Rocky.
Offer your sufferings to Jesus, for He needs them to save souls. This is how He works, and it is strange, for He needs nothing yet He makes Himself dependant on His creatures. But it dose make sense in a marital way, for He is our Bridgegroom and we His brides.
Extol Jesus’ Mercy, though you are unworthy - and extol Him even more for this!
As often as you turn to Him from sin, so as often you glorify Him and console Him during His bitter Passion. For He suffered and died for you, in Love and Mercy.
You need to stop worry, and start to pray and read, pray the full rosary everyday, and read 1 or more hours a day a spiritual book to grow in spirit, wisdom and love of God.
I will recommend for you and everyone else his words below.
The Son of God spoke to his bride, saying: “I am the Creator of the heavens and the earth and all the things that are in them, and it is my true body that is consecrated on the altar. Love me with all your heart, for I have loved you, and I delivered myself up to my enemies willingly, while my friends and my Mother remained in the most bitter sorrow and weeping. When I saw the spear, the nails, the whips, and the other instruments of torture there ready, I still went on, no less joyful to suffer. And when my head was bleeding on all sides from the crown of thorns, and the blood was flowing on all sides, then, even if my enemies had gotten hold of my heart, I would have, still, rather allowed it to be wounded and torn asunder than lose you. For that reason, you are extremely ungrateful, if you do not love me for such a great love.
For if my head was pierced and bent down on the cross for your sake, your head should be bent down toward humility. And since my eyes were filled with blood and tears, your eyes should abstain from pleasurable sights. Since my ears were filled with blood and had to hear blasphemous and scornful words, your ears should be turned away from frivolous and foolish talk. Since my mouth was given the most bitter drink and was denied the good one, you should keep closed your mouth from all evil and open it for good. And since my hands were outstretched and pierced by nails, your deeds, which are symbolized by the hands, should be stretched out to the poor and to my commandments.
Your feet, in other words, the desire with which you should walk to me, should be crucified and abstain from all evil lusts. As I have suffered in all my limbs, so may all your limbs be ready for my service. For I demand more service of you than of other people, since I have granted more mercy to you.”
i pray at times. not all days. the rosary i do not know. i feel strange to pray it. i know this is bad. :o a Catholic friend says to memorize. i say ok. i do not. i do not know prayer. what it is. if i am not in prayer why does God leave? i ask a friend once. i do not know how to ask why prayer is hard. all people have the same answers. it does not make sense in what i try to know.
it is hard like faith. when i do not have faith it is like this. why people have what i do not?
thank you for writing ideas. i believe what people write. i do not know how to make it go. why people say does a thing. what is that thing? i do not know.
i do not know how. there is one person who helps me know. who can explain about God so i can know. that person is gone. all others tell me things. say things like i know. i do not know.
people grow up Catholic with God. i do not. a 100 things i see and hear. i do not know what they are. what do things mean. i trust God to lead me. that is how i am Catholic. now it is a life i do not know. people say do things to make other things happen. i think this sounds strange. other times things happen to scare me. like many times praying to Mary and find strange things happen. i do not like this. i do not pray to stop all strange things. i want to know why prayer is like this. no one can say.
i think it is easy to be like i was. not all these things to notice and try to know what it is. i think at times. God leave me alone. then i am sorry to say this. i do not know how to live where God is.
my husband says things i know. atheist things. i understand. things i am not going to say. i feel stupid to say. they do not make sense with God. i do know know how to make life have sense with God. i ask at times. Catholics say i am wrong every where. i think i do not have a thing right.
If you do not have a prayer life you will be damned. You either start praying and reading and take your salvation seriously, or you go on excusing yourself. Satan keeps you from praying, satan makes prayer feel hard on you. For he knows that to keep you from prayer and talking with God, that he has your soul. Learn to pray the rosary, start to pray, go to the link below where you can learn the rosary, or ask a friend of yours to learn you how to pray!
**St. Louis De Montfort (+1710): “Blessed Alan de la Roche who was so deeply devoted to the Blessed Virgin had many revelations from her and we know that he confirmed the truth of these revelations by a solemn oath. Three of them stand out with special emphasis: the first, that if people fail to say the Hail Mary (the Angelic Salutation which has saved the world – Luke 1:28) out of carelessness, or because they are lukewarm, or because they hate it, this is a sign that they will probably and indeed shortly be condemned to eternal punishment.” **
You ask how long you will slide? You will slide until the day you take your salvation seriously. If you really loved God, you would give him a good deal of your day. No one will come to God except those that love him!
Start to read his words below, they will help you. Please, follow this advice!
"I am the Creator of the heavens and the earth, one in divinity with the Father and the Holy Spirit. I am the one who spoke to the patriarchs and the prophets and the one whom they awaited. For the sake of their longing and in agreement with my promise, I assumed flesh without sin and concupiscence, by entering the womb of the Virgin like the sun shining through the clearest gem. For just as the sun does not damage the glass by entering it, likewise the virginity of the Virgin was not lost when I assumed manhood. I assumed flesh in such a way that I did not have to forsake my divinity, and I was no less God - with the Father and the Holy Spirit, governing and upholding all things - although I was in the womb of the Virgin in my human nature.
Just as brightness is never separated from fire, so too, my divinity was never separated from my humanity, not even in death. Thereafter, I allowed my pure and sinless body to be wounded from the feet to the head, and to be crucified for all the sins of mankind. That same body is now offered each day on the altar so that mankind might love me more and remember my great deeds more often. But now I am totally forgotten, neglected, despised, and expelled as a king is from his own kingdom and in whose place the most wicked robber has been elected and honored.
I have, indeed, wanted my kingdom to be within man and, by right, I should be king and lord over him, for I made him and redeemed him. However, now he has broken and desecrated the faith which he promised me in his baptism, and he has broken and spurned my laws and commandments, which I prescribed and revealed to him. He loves his own will and refuses to hear me. In addition, he exalts the most wicked robber, the devil, above me and has given him his faith. The devil really is a robber, since he steals for himself, by way of evil temptations, bad councils, and false promises, the human soul that I redeemed with my blood. But he does not do this because he is mightier than me, for I am so mighty that I can do all things with a word, and so just, that even if all the saints asked me, I would not do the least thing against justice.
But, since man, who has been given free will, willfully rejects my commandments and obeys the devil, it is only right that he also experience his tyranny and malice. This devil was created good by me, but fell by his own wicked will, and has become, so to speak, my servant for inflicting vengeance on the workers of evil.
Yet, even though I am now so despised, I am still so merciful that whoever prays for my mercy and humbles himself in amendment shall be forgiven his sins, and I shall save him from the evil robber - the devil. But to those who continue despising me, I shall visit my justice upon them, so that those hearing it will tremble, and those who feel it will say: ‘Woe, that we were ever conceived or born! Woe, that we ever provoked the Lord of majesty to wrath!’
But you, my daughter, whom I have chosen for myself, and with whom I now speak in spirit: love me with all your heart - not as you love your son or daughter or parents, but more than anything in the world since I, who created you, did not spare any of my limbs in suffering for your sake! Yet I love your soul so dearly that, rather than losing you, I would let myself be crucified again, if it were possible. Imitate my humility, for I, the king of glory and of angels, was clothed in ugly, wretched rags and stood naked at the pillar and heard all kinds of insults and ridicule with my own ears. Always prefer my will before your own, because my Mother, your Lady, has, from the beginning to the end, never wanted anything but what I wanted.
If you do this, then your heart shall be with my heart, and be inflamed by my love in the same way that anything dry is rapidly inflamed by fire. Your soul shall be so inflamed and filled with me, and I will be in you, so that everything worldly becomes bitter to you and all fleshly lusts like poison. You will rest in the arms of my divinity, where no fleshly desires exist, but only spiritual delight and joy which fill the delighted soul with happiness - inwardly and outwardly - so that it thinks of nothing and desires nothing but the joy which it possesses. So love me alone, and you will have all the things you want, and you will have them in abundance. Is it not written that the oil of the widow did not decrease until the day the rain was sent to earth by God according to the words of the prophet? I am the true prophet! If you believe my words and follow and fulfill them, the oil - joy and jubilation - shall never decrease for you for all eternity."
I recently found out, most people consider God’s relationship with you as the same one you had with your parents. I think you might be trying to relate in this manner, in I know in my case, it is not good what so ever, since my parents were in no way representative of the typical parents at all, especially in the area of Love.
What I would do, instead of beating yourself up for your failures, “of which the evil one is entirely behind that”, focus on the fact, you get back up, you go back to mass, you strive forward, regardless of everything. He that is in you is stronger then he that is in the world, do not be deceived into thinking otherwise. You can also simply pray that he reveals his love for you, keep your mind and heart open, he can and will if you are receptive to it, for the Shepard never leaves the lost sheep to their own devices, he always rescues them.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
i do not know how to live this life. i do not want to confess. a priest i confess to i do not want to see. already this happens. i confess to monsignor. i go to mass and feel wrong to see him. i go to a other church. there is monsignor. i think he is every where. i do not want to see him. confess to a other priest? no. only more priests to hide from.
i do not know why Catholics want a priest to know things. it is better people do not know.
The life you live is the cross you’ve been given. It can be a suffering that is beneficial to you and to the souls in Purgatory or it can be suffering senselessly.
A life of prayer and of the spirit will help to organize and properly ordain not only your life but also your suffering.
Whether it’s monsignor or another priest - that is not the issue…Repentance, Absolution and Grace are what’s important. Don’t allow the demon to veer you from the Sacraments, don’t give in to the influence.