How many children do you have?


#1

My wife and I are both 37 and we have 7 children. We get alot of funny looks in public and my boss has been making comments lately too concerning insurance, etc. (he's a "Catholic" too - lapsed) I'm sick of being looked at as if we are freaks. I'm not sure why people are so concerned about it. What do you say to them? Many times I'm caught off guard and only later think of a comeback. How do you deal with it? We love our kids and can't imagine like without them.


#2

You didn’t include an option for 0.

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks. :frowning:

I understand how it sucks to be judged for your fertility…or lack thereof.

Prayers for you and you family. Enjoy the blessings of your children, and realize that the people who judge you obviously have their own problems. It’s what I have to do. :o


#3

We have one little girl, still in utero. :slight_smile:

Honestly OP, this is one of those situations where the only comeback I can think of is to simply try not to care, and shrug it off…You are so incredibly blessed with 7 children, you know it, the Church teaches it anyhow. But some people just aren’t gonna get it, for a myriad of silly half-baked reasons. Simply, they’re wrong. :smiley: You don’t need a snappy come-back to this one, all the defence you need is in your happy family IMO.


#4

[quote="Whitacre_Girl, post:2, topic:196053"]
You didn't include an option for 0.

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks. :(

I understand how it sucks to be judged for your fertility...or lack thereof.

Prayers for you and you family. Enjoy the blessings of your children, and realize that the people who judge you obviously have their own problems. It's what I have to do. :o

[/quote]

Whitacre_Girl,
I noticed that also, and am in the same situation.
I have been married for nearly 20 years,
and have even been accused of being selfish for not having children yet. :(:shrug:

I find a short and to the point **"That is between me, my husband (or wife), and God. I do not discuss it with anyone else.", **usually works! ;)


#5

Just know that people are gonna comment no matter what you do.

My close friend, with no kids, has been told how selfish she is to not have any.

We’ve been blessed with one, and it’s obvious we will not be blessed with more. I’ve been told all about the “lonely only’s”, and how terrible it is to have just one.

My sister has three, and also gets looks and comments, at least she did when they were young.

I was also older when I got married and had to endure a lot of comments about that. Women are still looked at as “less” if they’re single.

So…women are supposed to get married and have two kids. Yet we’re all supposed to be individuals, and tolerant of other’s decisions.

Know that some will look at you and think it’s cool, but just not say anything.

For those who judge you for this, offer prayers and find a way to use it to grow closer to God. Feel sorry for their lack of understanding, and for the delights they’re missing.


#6

Tell them your kids will be paying their social security :stuck_out_tongue:


#7

Technically we have 4.
One in heaven, two outside playing, and one in Utero. If my health were better, I'd have more already :D (I'm 28). I love kids. I think large families are great and those who are blessed with them should never feel ashamed.
I also think those who are unable to have any (or more than 1-2) should not feel ashamed. God has given us all different gifts and blessings.


#8

I don’t get it. Is this a Catholic thing? Getting judged for having too many or too few children? So, what number of children is acceptable?

My wife and I have no children. Folks can judge all they want to. It doesn’t bother me. I really don’t care what they think.


#9

I only have 4 and i even get crazy looks , and get the are they all yours question everytime i go to the store. I had my tubes tied after my last , big regret there, but we hope to adopt at a later time when we can afford it. I can only imagine the looks we would get if we had even more. If I tell folks we also homeschool we get even crazier looks.


#10

[quote="rick43235, post:8, topic:196053"]
I don't get it. Is this a Catholic thing? Getting judged for having too many or too few children? So, what number of children is acceptable?

My wife and I have no children. Folks can judge all they want to. It doesn't bother me. I really don't care what they think.

[/quote]

I wish I shared your conviction. I am insanely jealous ;)

Our childlessness isn't necessarily by choice. I mean, we aren't financially ready for kids, so I guess it's a blessing in disguise. But i hurt terribly, so the judgement only hurts more. After all, to be a REAL married couple, you have to have kids. Right? At least, that's what I am getting from the church.

It works like this: If you have no kids, the church judges you or looks down on you. Okay, not the church, just the people in the pews.

If you have too many, society judges you. It's just further proof that you can't please everyone. I just wish people were judging me for having too many, than not having any. The pain I feel myself is torture enough without the noisy or pointed comments. And then we could revel in the joy of our children, instead of treating the cat like a baby.....LOL


#11

Life is a gift, period.

It's nobody's business how many children you have unless you cannot feed them or you mistreat them. And if that is the problem, then you need Christian charity and help, not judgement, blame, or ridicule.


#12

Zero children. I didn’t see that as an option on the poll.

Not everyone has children. :wink:


#13

TO the OP, don’t let anyone dictate to you how many children you can or cannot have. As long as you support them on your own, who cares?


#14

And, if you CAN’T support them, for whatever reason (Iike say for instance your family is doing well, you have a large family and then the economy crashes and you’re suddenly NOT doing well), WHAT THEN?

God doesn’t put the restrictions on the GIFT OF FERTILITY that many of you do. Children are a blessing, never a curse. I’m so tired of hearing the canard, “children are a blessing AS LONG AS YOU CAN AFFORD THEM.” That’s not what God had in mind. Ever.


#15

:thumbsup:


#16

I think it’s more a human thing than a specifically *Catholic *thing. Also I know that the judgement on both ends does happen, but I think sometimes people might think they’re being judged when they’re not. If you’re already feeling sensitive about say, not having any kids…or, conversely having 7 or more…then you might be more likely to imagine that every sidewards glance is a judgement. It isn’t always. Not even every *question *is a judgement.

You can’t always know what others are thinking.


#17

0, but then again, I'm single. But I'm planning on being a teacher, so I'll be a subsitute parent to many kids.


#18

No, you are not a freak.

Most people have smaller families, in this era, but that is a matter of choice.

Choice is a good thing, that individuals may pursue their own dreams and goals.

Some folks will have large families, while others will decide to have smaller families,and some, like me, will be childfree.

One thing to say, (with a smile) is that it is a free country.


#19

[quote="ac_claire, post:16, topic:196053"]
I think it's more a human thing than a specifically *Catholic *thing. Also I know that the judgement on both ends does happen, but I think sometimes people might think they're being judged when they're not. If you're already feeling sensitive about say, not having any kids....or, conversely having 7 or more....then you might be more likely to imagine that every sidewards glance is a judgement. It isn't always. Not even every *question *is a judgement.

You can't always know what others are thinking.

[/quote]

This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.

When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.

A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It's typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: "You know, catholics aren't supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point." or "career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this" or 'You've never had to work a day in your life until you've had kids"or just the "you know, contraception is a disgusting sin."

and of course the ever helpful:

"If you don't use those soon, they will dry up!"

Then there is the judgement in my job:

"How can you work with kids when you don't have any yourself? You don't know the first thing about children."

"Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don't have any authority to work with them."

I really could go on. The best part is church statistics. You aren't counted in "family counts" if you don't have kids. Technically, hubby and I don't exist as a family in church stats. He technically gets counted on some level as part of his parent's family, I don't since I don't come from catholic home. This typically doesn't bother me, but at times I feel marginalized. It's like...unless you come from a catholic family, or have kids imediately upon getting married, you don't count. You don't matter. You're a waste of space. I can't tell you the times I've cried mysef to sleep because of my empty arms. When I have someone telling me that I don't realize what a blessing children are just because I don't have any it tears me to shreds inside. I believe that i know more than many parents about the blessing children are because I have am deprived of that joy.

Hubby tries to reassure me that our day will come. He believes God will be faithful to us. I dearly hope he will. Until then, I have empty arms, a broken heart, and people who belittle my very existence as if I were stealing something from the world.


#20

[quote="Whitacre_Girl, post:19, topic:196053"]
This is very true, and something I have to keep telling myself.

When I refer to judgemet though, I am speaking more of the situations like this.

A bunch of church members and I sitting down to a church potluck dinner. They are all talking about their kids. I sit there silenty, nibbling on my bread and add what I can based on my experiences in my job. It's typical at some point for someone to turn to me and say: "You know, catholics aren't supposed to be contracepting. You really should fulfill the marital duty at some point." or "career is good, but children are more important. You should realize this" or 'You've never had to work a day in your life until you've had kids"or just the "you know, contraception is a disgusting sin."

and of course the ever helpful:

"If you don't use those soon, they will dry up!"

Then there is the judgement in my job:

"How can you work with kids when you don't have any yourself? You don't know the first thing about children."

"Until you are prepared to stop being selfish and have your own kids, you really don't have any authority to work with them."

I really could go on. The best part is church statistics. You aren't counted in "family counts" if you don't have kids. Technically, hubby and I don't exist as a family in church stats. He technically gets counted on some level as part of his parent's family, I don't since I don't come from catholic home. This typically doesn't bother me, but at times I feel marginalized. It's like...unless you come from a catholic family, or have kids imediately upon getting married, you don't count. You don't matter. You're a waste of space. I can't tell you the times I've cried mysef to sleep because of my empty arms. When I have someone telling me that I don't realize what a blessing children are just because I don't have any it tears me to shreds inside. I believe that i know more than many parents about the blessing children are because I have am deprived of that joy.

Hubby tries to reassure me that our day will come. He believes God will be faithful to us. I dearly hope he will. Until then, I have empty arms, a broken heart, and people who belittle my very existence as if I were stealing something from the world.

[/quote]

What a bunch of horrible people! Grr.. sometimes I hate Catholics because of things like that. The best teachers I know have no children, they can focus on their students. Sorry it just makes me mad.


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