You are all in my prayers every night.
I have a question. How much do you have to do for your mother?
My mother was never a great mom-not physically abusive, but certainly unkind, non supportive and self centered. She disowned my sister because she was a single mom (never married). My father was the same but he passed. My mother lives with me now. I am single with 4 children and no help from their father. 3 of my children are in their 20’s and one is a teenager. Three live at home but two work and take care of themselves. My 15 year old takes riding lessons and I take her to the barn 3 times a week, 2 days after school and on Sat.
I take my mother to all Dr appointments and wait on here hand and foot. She does not walk well, so I can only take to stores that provide a wheelchair as hers does not fit in my car. She doesn’t want to go sometimes and I work so she does not get out much, but some of that is her choice. The only places I go are work, the barn and grocery shopping.
She has a fit and starts trouble every time I take my daughter to the barn. We are usually gone about 2-3 hours. She calls my sister (who she now talks to) and says I do everything for “that kid” and don’t do anything for her. Today she called my sister and said she was going to kill herself. My sister (God bless her) just listens and then blows here off. When I came home today I asked her if she wanted anything, could I do anything and she just said no. I just decided to ignore the whole thing. She stayed in her room (which by the way is my room-I sleep on the couch now). So I came upstairs to do some work on the computer. My 2 daughters are downstairs watching TV with the 20 year olds boyfriend. My mother goes into the room where they are and wants someone to show her how to use the phone because she has many calls to make tomorrow (this is the same phone she has been using with no problem). So my 15 year old shows her how. Then she says to my 20 year old-you care more for him then you do for your own flesh and blood. My daughter said “What did I do?” This is the same daughter she used to call fat to her face when she was little. My mother says “Don’t worry, I won’t be here much longer”. Normally I would go smooth things over, but I am just to beat to deal with her today.
Now, before you attribute all this to old age, she has done this stuff her whole life and I am not exaggerating at all. Even though her and my father were two of kind, when he was old and feeble (he was 12 years older than her), she told him go to sleep and don’t wake up-because she never wanted to care for anyone. Another thing, financially she is extremely well off and has all kind of insurance-even long term health care that will pay for a home. She doesn’t pay anything here. She did say she would help me buy a car that will hold the wheelchair, but I don’t want the money because there is such a great price to pay.
How far do I have to go? Believe me, none of this new behavior, as I said, she has done it forever. I am trying to do the right thing, but this not good for my family and I feel I am going into a depression.