How not to send mixed signals?


#1

OK, so I finally got over my stupid self-pitying and thought I should spend some time with a young lady who I am interested in.

Problem is, I found myself being completely misunderstood, we were with a group of friends, and I moved from sitting beside her to sitting firmly between two other guys to avoid being too close or making her feel uncomfortable, and tried my best not to look at her body or too deeply into her eyes to avoid the impression that I was treating her as an object. I tried to get to know her, but in a group setting, and tried to avoid anything that would suggest lustful interest.

I tried to take a genuine interest in what she had to say, and to be as open as I could in introducing myself, but all the time being extremely careful to avoid any sense that I was interested in anything other than her personality.

Problem is, I think I came across as totally uninterested in her in any way, and now she’s surprised that I still want to meet up for a date.

Aargh! What to do? Please don’t tell me I need to find someone else who is more committed to purity, because this girl is one of the most devout young Catholic women I have ever met, an absolute saint.


#2

First DL82 congratulations on taking steps to get to know the young woman you are interested in. I’m sorry if your meeting went the way you describe.

But do keep in mind that while you think you came across as disinterested that might not be the way she experienced it. It’s easy to go back over things and recall what didn’t go well or what you would liked to have done differently. It’s also easy to forget what did go well.

Do you think that maybe your being a bit of awe of her may have made talking with her more difficult plus the fact the other guys were there?

Maybe her surprise was at you asking her for a date. Go ahead with the date and see what happens.


#3

Physical attraction is easy to spot, that’s why people are so often able to tell interest. If there’s no obvious sign of physical attraction, people wonder if any interest is there. But that’s pretty much how it is… After all, you didn’t want to be too obvious, did you? You two need to talk and communicate.


#4

Sounds like you played it a little too cool, moving to sit beside someone else, etc. What was perfectly obvious to you was not to her.

But, you’ve asked to see her again, so she’s got it now. She knows you are interested. So go out on a date and enjoy yourself.

Don’t give the group outing a second thought. Just move forward.


#5

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