How often does something have to happen to be abusive?


#1

for example if someone calls you names when they are angry or says mean things. and when you try to voice the fact that you are hurt by it, they respond with something like “oh well, I don’t do it all the time.” or “you just made me too angry so you deserved it”

well, I mean, no, they are not angry every day and they can be nice and helpful, but other times they are not. and I think I tend to justify the bad behaviour and rationalize it because it doesn’t happen all the time and I try to overpower it with the good things they do.

and what do you do with someone who likes to guilt-trip a lot?


#2

Angel, read about gaslighting.
Abuse is abuse, emotionally, physically, financially etc. Once is once too much, A person blaming their anger on another, and telling the other person they deserved it, is the person with the problem. NOT THE RECIPIENT of the anger.

Would the person being subject to this have someone in real life that can help?
The person doing the abuse wont change, and is statistically likely to escalate, unless that person accepts they have an anger management problem.


#3

They manage their anger just fine - they use it to control people and use them.

The problem they have is lack of empathy, and inability to see other people as another self; instead they think of other people as tools to be used for personal gain. Which is why they run hot and cold - they want to make you feel insecure and dependant on them.

Get out if you can.


#4

#5

Ignore ignore.
Remember it’s not you

1st read Patricia Evans book on abuse. If you do not want abuse to escalate
do not respond or try & protect yourself by screaming defending excuses. Know it’s his problem treat him as a wall.


#6

once…is too much


#7

Schools define bulling as an act that happens at least twice…


#8

You get away.
Even once is bad, especially for someone who claims to either 1) be your friend or 2) says they love you.
if it’s family, it can be very difficult to separate from them. I’d see someone about it though. You can’t let it continue. It’s not about you, it’s THEM.
For someone to treat you that way,considering your sight issues is reprehensible.


#9

People who do this are manipulators.

To them you are just a tool to be used. I would give these people a wide berth. They can be dangerous.


#10

over the course of my lifetime, it’s been a lot of different kinds of people. family, friends, teachers, even parents of friends, taking on different forms of course.

I’m a very passive person, I don’t like conflict so I tend ot just let everything go, which in many cases just ends up enabling the behaviour. I can stand up for others just fine thoug.


#11

Pray for strength, courage. St. Joan of Arc, your guardian angel, St. Michael the Archangel.


#12

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.