**Here’s the secret a lot of women need to discover–if they say “yes,” they will discover that they WILL become aroused within a reasonable time and they WILL enjoy the sex and they WILL please their husbands greatly and the marriage WILL be strengthened. **
And it will be better than the Dove chocolate, and the time won’t be wasted.
Women need to get OUT of the BAD HABIT of saying “No” to sex. That’s all it is–a habit.
The women thinks she’s too tired–but if a child gets sick, all of a sudden, the woman is wide awake and stays up all night with her child. What does this say to a husand? His child’s barfing can keep his wife awake, but his caresses put her to sleep? Lovely. That will really pump up a man and make him feel good about himself as a husband. Hey, I’m not as stimluating as barf.
Married men really really REALLY need sex! It’s a major part of who they are as a man. A wife must come to terms with this and accept it, not resist it and deny it. If men don’t get sex at home with their wives, they’ll find it somewhere.
It may just be hankering after a movie star on TV or in a magazine–harmless, for the most part, and decent men through the ages have enjoyed pictures of “pinup girls” and “It” girls. I don’t think Catholic wives should begrudge their husbands a “crush” on a pretty movie star. Laugh with them. Both my husband and I have crushes on movie stars–for me, it’s Robert Patrick, and his picture is all over my refrigerator. (Sigh!) For my husband, it’s Mariette Hartley (he loves the Eddie Z commercials!) and the Little Mermaid. He has Ariels all over his office, and we actually went to see Jodi Benson in person–I thought he was going to jump over the wall to get to her!
Some men turn to porn, because the women in those magazines and videos always say yes and they’re instantly aroused and they don’t demand anything from the man.
Some men, sadly, turn to flirtations and affairs. It starts out innocently–the woman says “hi” to the man, who is feeling lonely and rejected because his wife doesn’t seem interested in him anymore and keeps saying “No” to sex. He says “Hi,” back again. Next comes flirting and then conversation–the woman always seems to have time to talk forever, while at home, his wife is always too busy or pre-occupied with the children or tired. Then there’s a touch, maybe just on the arm or hand. Then a kiss, then eventually full-fledged sex. Meanwhile the wife is often clueless–all she knows is that her husband isn’t demanding sex anymore and she’s glad about it. How sad.
I’m NOT saying that all men who don’t get sex from their wives will have affairs. That’s not true at all. **Christian men especially should practice continence and self-control. ** But it’s so easy to fall into sin. As women, we need to have a realistic and sympathetic understanding of the very real pressure of sexual temptation on our husband, and we need to GO TO WAR to help our husbands not fall victim to sex sin!!! Our biggest and best weapon in that war is giving ourselves to our husbands and convincing him that sex at home with his wife is better than anything he’ll get elsewhere!
The Bible and the Church make it clear that a man is entitled to enjoy marital relations with his wife. He is NOT being unreasonable to ask for his conjugal rights.
Now I’m not saying that the marriage should become a sex marathon. A lot of the magazines and television shows are just plain silly when they imply that couples are having sex every night. Interestingly, last year, Glamour Magazine, that paragon of liberal sexuality and freedom, published results of a sex survey. Would you believe that the average American man who is sexually active only has sex 87 times a year?! My husband and I were jumping up and down and cheering when we read this, because according to our records, we had sex 126 times during the year! We’re cooler than the people in Glamour Magazine! Tee hee hee!
I personally think that when a household is filled with children, once a week sex is probably realistic for most marriages. It’s just hard to find a time when a child or teenager isn’t demanding some form of parental involvement! Once a week is better than never or seldom. You may have to plan for it, because if you don’t plan and put it in the schedules, once a week soon becomes once a month and then once every six months, and then years go by. Not a good marriage at all.
GOD made sex. He made it for marriage. It is a picture of Christ and His Church, a visual of the love between Jesus and His Bride. We should not disregard it. Women need to get out of the habit of saying, “No,” and instead, say “Yes” unless prevented by illness or injury. They will be very very very glad that they said “Yes.”
I hope this is helpful. It’s not what a lot of women want to hear, but I believe it’s the Christian and Catholic truth about sex in marriage.