How old is too old for kiddos?


#1

To the mommas out there, how old is too old to have any more children? My wife is 35, and we are expecting our first in August. She says she probably will want no more after that, due to her age. Would you agree that at this age we should be NFPing?


#2

Well, I can only share my own experience. I had my first at 35 and a second three years later. I didn’t really think about being “too old” until I hit the big 4-0. I am 46 now and while I am not seeking pregnancy, I would welcome any surprise blessing that came our way.

There are lots of variables including family history, how this pregnancy goes and your wife’s health.

Congratulations on the new addition!!


#3

[quote=ppcpilot]To the mommas out there, how old is too old to have any more children? My wife is 35, and we are expecting our first in August. She says she probably will want no more after that, due to her age. Would you agree that at this age we should be NFPing?
[/quote]

I am 38 and getting married in August. So, I will be 39 or 40 having my first. I don’t think your wife is too old at all.


#4

I predict she will be so taken and awed by your first child that she will want another quickly. Congratulations on your little blessing! May your child enrich your lives!


#5

That is still young. It is safe for most woman to have children in there 40s+. Yes there are ellevated risks of course, but with todays medicine pratices and procedures its not near as much as 20-30 years ago.


#6

My wife and I are expecting our 4th and my wife will be 38. If you watch things there shouldn’t be a problem.

Good luck,
Trevor


#7

nature has the perfect way to tell you when you are too old to have more babies: menopause


#8

Thanks for the info! She is still steeped in secular thinking on this.

She’s not having a good time so far…always nauseous…I fear if she stays feeling like this, she will not want another. She was very on the fence of having more than one due to her age. I keep trying to plant seeds about just trusting God’s will on this, but she gives me the ‘will the church pay for my kids if I have any more?’ talk.

I hope you guys are right, and that’s the same thing I tell her, is once she has it, she may want another.

Please pray for her openness to life!


#9

Granted I’m a bit younger, I had three horrible pregnancies, and two horrible deliveries. I HATE being pregnant, I was miserable every moment, constant backaches, couldn’t sleep, you name it, I had it. With my last delivery I didn’t have any pain medicine, no epidural, nothing in my IV - nada. Baby came too fast, and with it, the PAIN! For about the first month after having each of them, I always said I would never do it again. But then baby is there, and starts smiling at you. Starts clinging to you, calling you mama/dadda. No matter how much pain it took to bring them into this world, it all disappears and you will gladly go through it all again for another.

One thing to throw out there - with age comes the greater risk of multiples :slight_smile:


#10

My husband says holding your first child is like falling in love again! There is nothing like it. Women (and men) have no idea what’s it’s like until it happens. When it does, you’re in love! (with your own- it’s nothing like holding someone else’s baby!) —KCT


#11

i thought it was still against the church’s teachings to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. it is the only licit birth control but i was under the impression that if your goal is to have sex without getting pregnant then any means is illicit. some one correct me if i’m wrong.


#12

I sure hope so! I am so excited. Tommorrow we go to do the doppler thing to hear the heart beat!

Re: the twin thing, they run in our families on both sides! Who knows?


#13

Sarah and Abraham had their first at 99. You still have a long way to go to be too old.

People had babys when they were 30-40 and still only had a life expectancy of 60, now with an expectancy of 80, you could have them much older.

Why refuse a gift from God? Trust and Hope.


#14

I agree totally, it’s just getting her to see that is the problem!

She goes to Church every Sunday, and helps out and is a good person. But that’s it. She sees me as fanatical in that I obey (or make an effor to) Catholic teaching without reservation. She says she’s not ‘all religious’ like that. Apparently, she views it as a negative. She doesn’t interfere with my practicing, and I don’t push it on her. I try to preach by example, and not use words anymore.


#15

[quote=bengal_fan]i thought it was still against the church’s teachings to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. it is the only licit birth control but i was under the impression that if your goal is to have sex without getting pregnant then any means is illicit. some one correct me if i’m wrong.
[/quote]

You are incorrect. The Church does not teach that spacing and planning children is wrong.

It’s all a matter of means and ends. Contraception is a wrong means to achieve the good end of spacing/planning. NFP is a good means of achieving a good end of spacing/planning.


#16

[quote=1ke]You are incorrect. The Church does not teach that spacing and planning children is wrong.

It’s all a matter of means and ends. Contraception is a wrong means to achieve the good end of spacing/planning. NFP is a good means of achieving a good end of spacing/planning.
[/quote]

You are not exactly correct. At least not if I am understanding you correctly. You can’t use NFP for “selfish reasons”. You need to have a serious moral reason not to have any more children. Check out this link on Church Teaching from the Couple to Couple League website. I think just wanted to have more money to provide more “luxuries” for the family isn’t a good enough reason.

Oh, I am 36 and have 2 children and I am not using any form of birth control (natural or not). It is a bit scary at this age, but I think we need to trust that God will give us a physical sign when it is time to stop having children such as menopause or perhaps “female” complications. I think it is best to let God choose the size of our family unless we have serious doubts about being able to mentally handle the financial situation or other stress. You need to have a serious reason and not the same reasons that people often have when they choose artificial means (career, more money, college fund, retirement fund).

Is there anyway your wife can choose ecological breastfeeding and stay home with the baby. This will delay fertility probably for over a year and therefore she will have some spacing and less tempted to use artifical birth control. Has she used NFP in the past? IF not, will she be confident in using it and therefore not use artificial birth control. Some Docs. assume that you want your tubes tied after the birth. Is she ready to be strong and resist the temptation of artificial means?Check out this link - it says you need serious moral reason for using NFP type of methods.
ccli.org/morality/Church.shtml


#17

[quote=ppcpilot]To the mommas out there, how old is too old to have any more children? My wife is 35, and we are expecting our first in August. She says she probably will want no more after that, due to her age. Would you agree that at this age we should be NFPing?
[/quote]

Does she maybe have a mother who is not Catholic as I do? There is a tendency to want to please parents or not alarm them. Non-Catholic parents are more likely to have the attitude that there is an age to stop and that more than a boy and a girl is too much and irresponsible!

You may ask her what her Mom thinks about not using birth control at her age. This may tip you off to why she is making comments that she doesn’t want more. I could be way off on this, but I hope that you are able to help her with Church Teaching and that after she has her baby, she will be more willing to make sacrifices to have more children, unless, of course, there is some physical problem.


#18

I understand that in marriages in which the husband and wife are practicing NFP that their marriages become much richer and intimate on levels in addition to that procreation level…

and that those marriages have a divorce rate of like about 1 or 2 percent versus the 45 to 55 percent of those NOT practicing NFP.

This is without even counting which religion or faith or church that either one or both belong to or not… or even none.

ccli.org/

Here’s a clip from the home page for the Couple to Couple League which is an organization worldwide for NFP and other marriage resources:

The Sympto-Thermal Method taught by CCL utilizes all the fertility signs achieving a 99% effectiveness level for a well-instructed and well-motivated couple.

Couples worldwide are choosing natural family planning for its healthful and marriage building qualities, as well as its usefulness to plan or postpone pregnancy. A prime concern to many is the use of a moral method to plan a family.

Classes are taught by professionally trained, volunteer couples who teach local classes. You can also learn through our acclaimed Home Study Course available for order.

In addition, CCL includes instruction on Natural Mothering and Breastfeeding for its health benefits for mother and child as well as its child-spacing effects.

catholicculture.org/sites/site_view.cfm?recnum=79

catholicism.about.com/od/marriage/


#19

[quote=ppcpilot]To the mommas out there, how old is too old to have any more children? My wife is 35, and we are expecting our first in August. She says she probably will want no more after that, due to her age. Would you agree that at this age we should be NFPing?
[/quote]

I am 47 + and my wife is 46 + and she is expecting this summer. We are thrilled to have another. This is only our 4th but a good friend a yr younger is having her 10th(all after age 30).


#20

One thing to keep in mind, though it’s already been pointed out, is that there is an increased risk for the health of a child. Down Syndrome is hundreds of times more likely in late pregnacies, for example. Medical technology has definately advanced, and there are good vitamins and supplements you can take to prevent the worst problems, but it’s something to take care of. Just don’t think that a pregnancy at 45 is the same as one at 25; there’s a lot more to keep an eye on.

That being said, may God bless you with many healthy children! :slight_smile:


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