How picky are you when it comes to relationships?


#1

(Poll coming up).


#2

Very.


#3

Hee hee. I'm not picky at all. It was hard to pick the one about criminal background, because I dated a guy with a criminal past for awhile. He was the best guy I could get in my hometown. :) A pulse, certain body parts, and you pass the test. :D


#4

[quote="CountrySinger, post:3, topic:182065"]
Hee hee. I'm not picky at all. It was hard to pick the one about criminal background, because I dated a guy with a criminal past for awhile. He was the best guy I could get in my hometown. :) A pulse, certain body parts, and you pass the test. :D

[/quote]

Haha well I was thinking about serious criminals like rapists and murderers!


#5

IDEALLY I would want a woman who is strong in her faith(including perhaps certain interest in higher things like philosophy… or at least is intelligent) and has a strong sense of family… (would make a good mother, wants children…)

However in the end it does not come down to what “I” want (I.e. not my will be done, but Your will be done Lord)… I will be perfectly happy with whoever God calls me to marry ( and to clarify I really mean I will be perfectly happy, not that I will “settle for 2nd best”) because I know deep down in my heart that God will give me the best wife imaginable)

Thats just my 2 cents, what do you guys think?

Your brother in Christ
Zachary


#6

I'm a guy, and I'm pickier than most women. Or so my friends tell me.


#7

I think pickyness applies more where there is little attraction.
I've seen some very picky women attracted to men with issues that might have been a turn -off if there hadn't been the right chemistry.


#8

I find the early results interesting. The men are selecting both looks/personality as the most popular selection so far and the women are saying they would rather be single than settle. So a question to the ladies who selected that option - what type of things are you looking for? Or what do you value most when looking for a boyfriend/husband?

I suppose I could fall into the ‘picky’ category depending on who you ask. But I feel like I have reasonable standards/expectations. I also selected the looks/personality option, but ‘looks’ are all relative and what is considered attractive can vary a lot person to person. I am by no means looking for a ‘super model’, just someone that I consider attractive. Looks are important to me, but personality/values trump looks in my opinion.


#9

Yeah. I'd be very picky if I had to rely on matchmaking alone (I can show you some maths), but matchmaking alone is not what I'm dreaming about.

I generally believe in some shared history arising between people, which does not say it has to be long. Intense instict mutual understanding could be there too.

I'd still be picky when merely attracted, but when in love, there's a whole lot of things I wouldn't care about (I would still want genuine consent to real marriage, going somewhat further than bare essentials required for validity alone).

Since you can all see how I voted, I would like to clarify the issue of looks a bit. While I gave the top answer, I don't exclude the second one (i.e. "I am a man, and I mostly care about personality. Looks are not that important as long as the person is not horrid to look upon."). Personality *is *more important than looks, but I need to be attracted; pretending otherwise could lead to disaster. Plus, things are different when I'm already attracted or when someone is a good friend of mine, than they are when I'm basically scouting the field to pick prey to approach. What is more, my impressions generally don't correspond with general public's idea of "more" or "less" (my "taste" works in a bit different way), some of my picks have been considered rather ugly by other people (people's problem, not mine), I don't have any single type (or multiple types for that matter) and elective aspects can matter much more than inelective ones. Few people have it so bad in the looks department that a couple of *choices *couldn't make them look great. Everyone looks better in some pictures than in others. Just take any dating site profile and compare different pictures of the same person.

Besides, looks aren't static. It does matter how someone moves, carries himself and so on. There's probably a couple more things I forgot about.


#10

I selected that I care about looks and personality but mostly personality. I do have to admit that I can't move completely past looks, but at the end of the day I do need to be with a good Christian (thankfully I am going to marry one!) who is intelligent and fun.


#11

[quote="CountrySinger, post:3, topic:182065"]
A pulse, certain body parts, and you pass the test. :D

[/quote]

So you're looking for the 2 Ps, eh? ;)


#12

Very picky. I've tried dating nice catholic guys I wasn't attracted to but it never worked out. Call me shallow if you want but I have to be attracted to the person. I also don't date players or guys who don't share my faith (christian). Therefore the dating pool in my age range (40something) is rather limited and I've all but officially given up. :shrug:


#13

For me the only real requirement is attraction and desire. I have to want the man. Many things factor into this, physical appearance is one, the way a man carries himself, if he is intelligent and professionally successful, if he is hardworking, if he is a sensitive person.

Sometimes a guy might have these qualities on paper, but still fail to be attractive. It’s really hard to quantify.


#14

In retrospect, this was incredibly distasteful. Sorry everyone. :blush:


#15

I am only picky, because I learned what happens when I compromise on my standards...settling never made me happy, and usually made me very unhappy. I learned that I changed a lot of how I was to fit this compromise, and that is never good. So I will be who and what I am, and picky (somewhat, he does not have to be an Adonis, or Donald Trump, thank God...:rolleyes: But, God may have to literally hit me with a two by four to recognize him someday...:D


#16

Heh, I do wonder if I won't end up regretting my "skips" when I'm old and single, but experience teaches that I have more reason skipping than I have regretting the decision a couple of years later (until the point I get over regretting and recognise my original sense).


#17

Maybe it's not a matter of being picky but just knowing what you want. No one will ever be perfect and no one should expect to find the perfect person but two people do need to have good chemistry.


#18

[quote="kib, post:14, topic:182065"]
In retrospect, this was incredibly distasteful. Sorry everyone. :blush:

[/quote]

I wasn't offended (but I'm like Samantha Jones from Sex and the City), and I was talking about arms to move my furniture. :D


#19

Indeed, but I do look beyond chemistry as to possible causes of strife in the longer run. Naturally, they will contribute to the decline of the chemistry or a lower ability to rekindle it later on. I generally tend to skip in case of anything that could lead to serious moral or ideological differences, such as some kind of sexuality-related (in the broad sense) conduct I don’t accept on a moral or emotional level.

My last skip, however, involved something different. As much as I believe in equality and I know the *full *story of Ephesians, a flat red no to the question (asked by the matching site, not by me, I never would have) whether men should be head of households… I thought nope, won’t take risks, don’t know what else is there. Don’t get me wrong, I want mutual decisions and I basically see it the way that being the head of the family basically means ending up doing what they want to do instead of what you want to do if it comes down to sheer wanting (it’s not there so you could be an alpha, it’s a *responsibility *and never a way to get what you want just like that), but you do have that responsibility for being the head of the family, which may be difficult to carry out if someone else thinks he has it instead or simply thinks you don’t and no one does. Besides, it’s there, there’s no denying it’s there (even when it’s troubling to you to talk about it). So I decided no, life could get too complicated, and I skipped. Even though it would never have occurred to me to talk about the subject on my own initiative, let alone use one of the Ephesians arguments. Highly ironic in a way.


#20

[quote="chevalier, post:19, topic:182065"]
Indeed, but I do look beyond chemistry as to possible causes of strife in the longer run. Naturally, they will contribute to the decline of the chemistry or a lower ability to rekindle it later on. I generally tend to skip in case of anything that could lead to serious moral or ideological differences, such as some kind of sexuality-related (in the broad sense) conduct I don't accept on a moral or emotional level.

My last skip, however, involved something different. As much as I believe in equality and I know the *full *story of Ephesians, a flat red no to the question (asked by the matching site, not by me, I never would have) whether men should be head of households... I thought nope, won't take risks, don't know what else is there. Don't get me wrong, I want mutual decisions and I basically see it the way that being the head of the family basically means ending up doing what they want to do instead of what you want to do if it comes down to sheer wanting (it's not there so you could be an alpha, it's a *responsibility *and never a way to get what you want just like that), but you do have that responsibility for being the head of the family, which may be difficult to carry out if someone else thinks he has it instead or simply thinks you don't and no one does. Besides, it's there, there's no denying it's there (even when it's troubling to you to talk about it). So I decided no, life could get too complicated, and I skipped. Even though it would never have occurred to me to talk about the subject on my own initiative, let alone use one of the Ephesians arguments. Highly ironic in a way.

[/quote]

Very well said Chevalier~ Here! Here!...:)


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.