How Practical is it for Women to be Submissive to Their Husbands in Modern Society


In the context of marriage, the husband —as I’ve already explained.

-Owen Riley


I feel like there have already been a number of large CAF threads on wifely submission. How about doing a search?


You’re darn right it does --purposely too.


I have a finance degree and Type I diabetes. I don’t pay medical bills until the second statement, to give the insurance company time to figure out its stuff. This strategy has many times saved me time and headaches. Summer 2016, a new health insurance company started issuing collections calls on a medical bill that wasn’t even yet 30 days old. We are careful with our finances and do not field collections calls: I was furiously offended.

Husband told HR at his employer what was going on, but the calls kept coming. I refused to pay, because withholding the money was the only leverage we had to get them to change their policy (remember: I’m the one with the finance degree!). He wanted to pay, because as he saw it we owed the money. After two weeks of going back and forth, he said, “Angela, do they have a legitimate claim to this money?” “Yes.” “I’m invoking my authority to tell you to pay the bill today.” “Okay.”

The bill went out in that day’s mail – along with my own little touch in the form of a brief letter explaining how their aggressive collections practices had delayed their payment. That’s what submission looks like in the modern world. (Maybe minus my flair. :slight_smile: )

I am definitely able to take care of myself; I am what you might call a strong-willed woman. But my husband is my mate because he is my match – if nobody had authority to make a final decision, we would destroy each other. Time and time again I have watched him lay down his life for me. I can lay down my will for him.

I will say that for us, Husband’s authority is a specific thing. I don’t just bend and bow to him in everyday life. He particularly invokes it, as above. And I try to remember that I am fulfilling, not losing, my dignity as a cherished daughter of God when I obey him.


Well, I am not married so I can speak freely here. :slight_smile: I interpret this to go both directions, right - you are submissive to your husband AND he is submissive to you. I take the word submissive to mean obedient, on the same page. Both parties have areas of strength. This varies from couple to couple. The person who handles the money handles the money. The other one is submissive. Don’t go out and buy a car or a new kitchen. If you are in charge of the kids your husband needs to listen to your input on helping them with homework, going to soccer games, when to discipline, etc. That kind of submissive. In a structured respectful way for the good of the relationship - keep it stable, on track. You each ‘lead’ on certain things. Or you both compromise maybe is another way to say it, i.e. be submissive.


My husband is a mostly non-practicing Protestant and would make a funny face if I told him I expected him to take on a “priest” role in a marriage. Or to be honest, several of the other roles that people love to carp that a man is “supposed” to take on. We just love each other, respect one another as equals and try to be good to each other and do what the other person needs us to do, without having to slap some preconceived gender role on everything. We acted this way to each other before marriage and we continued to act pretty much the same way afterwards. It’s sort of a normal way people who love each other and have been together a while act. No need to be overthinking it.


A woman should only pick a man whose authority she respects. If it’s that hard to submit to him, perhaps she’s picked a dud.


That’s what I do and my wife treats me like rubbish.


I don’t think that is down to submission though.


Some men as well as some women are not looking for a relationship based on either party having “authority”. They are looking for a helpmate who is kind, happy, attractive, intelligent, loving, with a good sense of humor, etc.
Many couples start off first being friends. Does one usually form a friendship by having one person be an “authority”?
This whole concept of somebody having to have authority, “headship” or what you call it is like some alien idea that just landed from the planet Mars…or perhaps just landed from an era hundreds of years ago.


I think he would try to protect before she does but in reality she will probably the one doing it since she is more skilled. And if she asks him to let her do it, wouldn’t it make sense then for him to let her do it since she is more skilled?


This is a podcast by Fr. John Riccardo where he addresses Ephesians 5. Well worth the listen.


This. My fiancé made social care year instead of military, served older and sick people, and I love this. I am trained in gun use and hold some safety certificates as I worked in a security company a few years ago. He is generaly speaking more kind and able to work in constant stress, I am better in accidental situations. Does this makes me less a woman or him less a man? NO. Is this a source for submission? No. I hope we will never have such a situation at home, and I won´t ask for submission only because it could happen.


She could also find a man who works with her, in marriage, as an equal, but also respects himself and is prepared to stand up for himself.

It’s not just one extreme or the other. This is what invariably happens on these threads. You have the pro-submission ppl, who basically make out that any man not interested in his wife’s submission is a cuck. There is such thing as respecting your wife is her own person, but also being able to stand your ground when necessary and not be a pushover.


If 90% of people are going to get married, some of them are going to be duds.

It’s not possible for almost everybody to get married and everybody to get a superstar.


They usually also assume that these couples with some kind of “unconventional” (to them) arrangement must be unhappily married, and/or are giving their children wrong ideas, and/or are heading to hell in some other way.

I really have no problem with how people want to run their own marriages if it works for them to be happy and stay married. I have known women who want and even need their husband to tell them what to do and basically be “daddy” to them. They are happy. That’s fine. I wasn’t raised to be that way and I’m not that way. I have a different arrangement which works for me. Also fine.


If there’s anything I have learnt here, it’s that all marriages are incredibly different because we are all incredibly different.

I would be utterly miserable in a marriage where I’m not an equal, but someone else here might enjoy a very traditional arrangement. I also noticed some say that they submit to their husband but they end up describing a very common egalitarian marriage. Some say that there are no heads in the family, but they describe a complementarian one.

When everyone is expected to follow a rigid template, things can get ugly. I don’t know if it’s safe to say that all of those verses about submission aren’t a ‘commandment’ but more of a guideline to ensure some sort of harmony in the marriage. Like the way to follow it would be up to the couple, hence it will look different for each marriage.

It’s definitely not a popular opinion here, but it does seem like emphasising patriarchy in a patriarchal society while trying to ensure that wives are not abused by it is a win win for early Christianity.


I’d suggest you read the classic by Fulton J Sheen “Three To Get Married”. Then read the lives of married saints. These will give you a better idea than “well, once my husband wanted to have roast beef, I wanted to have chicken but we had roast beef because I wanted to give him that tiny kindness.”


But it is possible for every Catholic person, with the Grace of the Sacraments, to have a Godly marriage.


Whereas, back in reality, there are both happy and unhappy marriages of different kinds.

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