As with the husband in your anecdote, “overspending” can be in the eye of the beholder.
There’s also the hybrid variety of husband, who spends lavishly on himself, but expects his wife to scrimp to make it work. This writer’s husband was like that:
"Here is the reality: I worked night shift (from home), breast-fed to save money, and went without basics like medical checkups and dental cleanings. I learned to sew, cook from scratch, scour yard sales and thrift stores for our furniture, plan grocery trips around sales and coupons, and barter for baby needs and toys. It was practically a full time job, just to live within our means. Did I mention we had three young children (now four)?
"Yet, I would come home from the thrift store, excited that I found a dresser for our kids for only a dollar—all it needed was a coat of paint and some hardware—and would find my husband opening a $70 ratchet set. “I needed the metric kind,” he’d say, “and they were 15 percent off.” He’s not a mechanic; he’s a math professor! He didn’t “need” this ratchet set. He wanted it.
"Stories like this happened once a week.
“I couldn’t understand why he’d buy expensive tools for his hobbies (or camping gear, or musical instruments) and yet had no problem with me getting public assistance when we “qualified” for it. I often wondered if I was the only wife in the food stamp or WIC line whose husband had a PhD, some great guitars, and no food in the house.”
That’s the same writer who wrote this piece about discovering that the conservative Protestant version of wifely submission was bad for their marriage: