I want to know why, if earthly things are disparaged, God bothered to create them.
And if you answer that when He created them, they were good, I want to know why God didn’t give Adam and Eve a chance to see their mistake instead of punishing unborn generations of innocents for the sin of Adam and Eve.
And if you answer that God’s reasons are inscrutable, I want to know why we assert that He wants us to know Him if He does not intend to tell us what we really want to understand – such as what I have asked.
And if you respond that God will give me my heart’s desire if only I would ask Him, I want to know why I still don’t understand why He did ANYTHING and why I worry sometimes that He is a human creation.
Why did God create the entire universe? For US on this speck of rock in a smallish galaxy? For what reason? Was He lonely? How could God possibly be lonely? Why did He do anything at all? Why am I getting dizzy by thinking about the “size” of the universe? Why can’t my mind grasp the idea of God’s being the cause of everything that is? I used to be able to think about God as being the First Cause without finding a problem. I stopped there and didn’t get tempted to try to comprehend what that meant. I am doing that now, though, and I cannot comprehend what it means to be the Uncreated Creator. How blithely I used the term and read about the idea and thought about it and accepted it as rational. While it is rational, I think, I cannot comprehend it. My mind cannot understand the idea of anything existing in reality that was not created. I am up against the limits of my ability to even think, and I see that whatever it is that I do think is built into my being as part of my creatureliness and there is nothing I can do to increase the realm in which my “instrumentation” can “perceive” reality or make “sense” of it. “Making sense” is another interesting concept. Anything that “makes sense” to us is simply something for which our intellectual apparatus has receptors. We are designed to have those receptors, and we cannot receive data or information from many levels that are conceivably possible.
When I was young and didn’t even know the concept of “God” existed, I used to sometimes lie in bed before falling asleep and think of the vastness of space. I used to close my eyes and “travel” to the stars and continue traveling, noticing that there was never an end – there was no boundary at all. No boundary. I cannot understand that. I cannot understand the concept of God anymore.
How sacrilegious is this on Christmas Eve?