How sinful it this


#1

I married my wife three weeks ago. We cannot live together for this time because I have to wait until my father gives me the money for a house. We are one after the marriage, you know, I am deeply attracted by her, I have a deep desire to be one flesh with her. Since I don’t sleep with her I use to much unconsciously do something like a subjective sexplay with me when I think at her and this usually ends in ejaculation, how sinful is this? The Catholic Church teachs that the sexual act only is right when it is acompanied by an act of love inside the marriage. Well I am married with her, I love her, when I am thinking at her, who I love, and I do this half unconsciously, how much I am commiting a sin?


#2

I assume you’re saying you masturbate to fantasies of your wife?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

**2352 **By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

(end quote)

Do not fall for the idea that because you are thinking of her and she’s your wife, that it’s okay to sexually pleasure yourself. What you are really doing is using her (or thoughts of her) for your own pleasure, not sharing yourself with her. Don’t fool yourself: You are not making love to her if she’s not there.

Your thoughts of her are not actually her. They are imaginary and exist only in your head–so you’re not really loving her when you do this; in fact, you could be sinning against her (or dishonoring her and your vows to be faithful to her). You are seeking sexual pleasure “outside the marriage” (because the marital act is not you alone–it is the two of you becoming one flesh together). If you entertain these thoughts too often, you may find that you are disappointed that she does not act with you in reality the way she (or the “imaginary woman” that looks like her) does in your head… and over time, that could cause problems for the two of you.

As noted in the CCC, your moral responsibility depends on many factors. Please speak with a priest or spiritual director/advisor about this. You may need the Sacrament of Reconciliation–they can advise you on whether you have committed a mortal or venial sin.

Being apart from your spouse is a difficult trial, especially being newly married. I will pray for you. :gopray2:


#3

That would be a wrong assumption. I don’t masturbate, or at least it is not so much deliberated, psychichally nor physically.

Sometimes, when I am not so courteous whih her physichall representation, she gets offended, and when I am sweet with my psychicall representation of her she becomes happy.

Thanks for that, I am not apoligising myself. I am aware that these acts have some degree of evilness.


#4

You are lusting after your wife. You think of her in a way that gives you self pleasure and self gratification. To lust is always sinful. When she is away, and you think of how attractive your wife is, say a prayer and thank God for her beauty and practice self control. You still need to be chaste in marriage. It is the same when you two are having sex and you think of her as an object of self pleasure , it is lust.


#5

Sorry E 7, where can I achieve an image like that of you and Patavi?


#6

Why do you have to wait until your father gives you money for a house for you and your wife to live together?..im assuming that neither you and your wife are homeless?..so until your father gives you the money for the house why cant you stay where your wife lives…or your wife stay where you are living?


#7

By doing all this, you are having a relationship with a fantasy representaion of your wife–an imaginary person. Try not to do this type of thinking in any area, esp since you are currently not physically near your wife. Just say a prayer of thanks to God for her in your life when you think of her, and then move on to other thoughts.

I hope you find a solution soon to your separation.


#8

I’m not sure I understand your question. Write me a private message; I can talk Spanish.


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.