How to act in this situation?


#1

I found out that a close friend of mine has moved in with her boyfriend. I can't figure it out, what do I do when I meet up with her and this comes up? Should I say something? or not? I don't want to make her feel judged. However I also don't want it to seem like I'm supporting it either. I don't even know if it's my place to something, but I don't want to cause scandal or give the wrong impression.

:confused: maybe someone has been in this situation.. what do you do??


#2

correction…

to say something


#3

Is your friend a Christian - what are her beliefs? If she does not share her beliefs on chastity then chances are she already knows your beliefs on the subject and this would be a counterproductive discussion since you have continued your friendship despite not sharing these beliefs you may have to continue your agreeing to disagreeing policy.

In the case where she is a Catholic or other form of Christian then you may wish to express your views nicely once. Then let it go. She will have to let her own conscience bring her back to the right actions. However, the more people make her feel like not a member of the Christian community the more likely she will be not to come back into the fold out of spite. Just some experience on this one.


#4

[quote="Monica4316, post:1, topic:244449"]
I found out that a close friend of mine has moved in with her boyfriend. I can't figure it out, what do I do when I meet up with her and this comes up? Should I say something? or not? I don't want to make her feel judged. However I also don't want it to seem like I'm supporting it either. I don't even know if it's my place to something, but I don't want to cause scandal or give the wrong impression.

:confused: maybe someone has been in this situation.. what do you do??

[/quote]

Since she is a close friend it may help her if you bring it up tactfully. It is not judging someone when you explain to them that they are doing the wrong thing. It is correction, and scripture advises us to correct. It says "admonish the sinner", and "instruct the ignorant." Of course, we need to do correcting in a calm and loving voice.

She may be upset at what you say, but you would be saying the truth. If she is angry at you for saying it, it is her problem not yours.

On two occasions I have had to lovingly correct my own daughters. One was upset, but she did not get angry for long. She knows that I love her.


#5

[quote="joanofarc2008, post:3, topic:244449"]
Is your friend a Christian - what are her beliefs? If she does not share her beliefs on chastity then chances are she already knows your beliefs on the subject and this would be a counterproductive discussion since you have continued your friendship despite not sharing these beliefs you may have to continue your agreeing to disagreeing policy.

[/quote]

She was baptized Catholic but is not practicing. I think her views on chastity are different than mine. We've talked about in the past but we've never debated, thankfully, just shared our own perspectives. She knows I'm Catholic and that I believe in waiting for marriage.

In the case where she is a Catholic or other form of Christian then you may wish to express your views nicely once. Then let it go. She will have to let her own conscience bring her back to the right actions. However, the more people make her feel like not a member of the Christian community the more likely she will be not to come back into the fold out of spite. Just some experience on this one.

thanks for the advice..

[quote="Dorothy, post:4, topic:244449"]
Since she is a close friend it may help her if you bring it up tactfully. It is not judging someone when you explain to them that they are doing the wrong thing. It is correction, and scripture advises us to correct. It says "admonish the sinner", and "instruct the ignorant." Of course, we need to do correcting in a calm and loving voice.

She may be upset at what you say, but you would be saying the truth. If she is angry at you for saying it, it is her problem not yours.

On two occasions I have had to lovingly correct my own daughters. One was upset, but she did not get angry for long. She knows that I love her.

[/quote]

My friend is pretty close... however we haven't talked as much this past year. I'm planning on meeting up with her to catch up. I'm not sure how I would even explain something like this, since she doesn't really believe in Christianity specifically.. so I don't know if I should talk about what the Bible says. I don't want to start an argument either. I agree that if I say anything, it needs to be kind and tactful.

The conversation might go something like...
me: "what have you been up to?"
my friend: "well - I've moved in with [boyfriend's name]!"
me: ..........

lol. Not even sure what to say. I can't say "oh that's cool!". But I don't want to say: "oh.. well do you know that's against the Bible right?". That might make her feel preached to and she would be further from Christianity as a result :(


#6

[quote="Monica4316, post:5, topic:244449"]
She was baptized Catholic but is not practicing. I think her views on chastity are different than mine. We've talked about in the past but we've never debated, thankfully, just shared our own perspectives. She knows I'm Catholic and that I believe in waiting for marriage.

thanks for the advice..

My friend is pretty close... however we haven't talked as much this past year. I'm planning on meeting up with her to catch up. I'm not sure how I would even explain something like this, since she doesn't really believe in Christianity specifically.. so I don't know if I should talk about what the Bible says. I don't want to start an argument either. I agree that if I say anything, it needs to be kind and tactful.

The conversation might go something like...
me: "what have you been up to?"
my friend: "well - I've moved in with [boyfriend's name]!"
me: ..........

lol. Not even sure what to say. I can't say "oh that's cool!". But I don't want to say: "oh.. well do you know that's against the Bible right?". That might make her feel preached to and she would be further from Christianity as a result :(

[/quote]

Why not: I trust in good faith that you are trying your best to live a moral life as encouraged by the church! Congratulations on finding the right man!

Or something like that :o


#7

What are the legal implications in your state for not having a marriage license?

usmarriagelaws.com/


#8

[quote="PiousTemplar, post:6, topic:244449"]
Why not: I trust in good faith that you are trying your best to live a moral life as encouraged by the church! Congratulations on finding the right man!

Or something like that :o

[/quote]

I dont think my friend is really concerned about the Church's teachings :(

[quote="Big_Dummy, post:7, topic:244449"]
What are the legal implications in your state for not having a marriage license?

usmarriagelaws.com/

[/quote]

I live in Canada


#9

Well if she is totally ignoring the Church, then there is not much you can do. Just lead by example.


#10

Pray for her and tell her it is wrong. And she will offend God.

It is up to her whether to listen (and/or comply) or not.

Telling the truth is love.

Love your friend as yourself.

If you tell her the truth, you are saving her soul from hell.

Pray so that she may go to heaven. Pray for her conversion. In that way, tell Jesus to put God's words in your mouth so that he can speak to her and love her through you.

The best way to love one another is to pray for one another

May the merciful Jesus bless you:)

PS: the fact that you worry about her salvation, means you love her. You just need to pray for her... If God prompts you to speak to her... than go, he wants to speak to her through you, he wants to love her through you. You are just a little instrument in God's hands. He wants to save immense number of souls through you. Who needs God's love, and for you to love them. Everyone needs love. The true love, not the fake one. It is true that if you support her, it wouldn't be love, but it would be a sin. And sin is not love, so it is fake love. There is much fake love nowadays. "Fake understanding and tolerance" are not love. They are sins. It is because you go to confession frequently that you have this kind of sensitivity.:)


#11

Me:" Oh… Right." (silence)

This way you are acknowledging the fact but are not saying anything positive about it. It would be obvious you are not supportive but neither judgemental because you are not giving her a lecture. Of course, this is a hypothetical scenario but a probable one. See how she continues the conversation. In my experience, when people know my views differ from theirs they either change the topic or explain why they are doing something. If she goes on to justify herself you can tell her what you think about living together before marriage and leave it at that. In this way you would be discussing your beliefs and thus not attacking her, but would at the same time let her know what you think about her decision.

It’s tough, I’ve been there. Situations like this can be a real minefield. But I also want to point out that too often we worry about expressing our views because they might alienate people from Christianity. Thing is, your friend has alienated herself from Christianity by making certain choices. That is not a reason for you to downplay what the church teaches because that would be dishonest and I’m sure you wouldn’t feel right doing that. Stating the facts might make her think about her decision, even if it takes a while for her to get there. I’ve been in situations where my Catholic friends would disagree with me about certain things but let it go. I knew they were right and their words made me think. Sometimes it takes a while before something like that bears fruit.


#12

Thanks :)


#13

Read JP2's Love and Responsibility, get there early and then she will ask you what you are reading...then you tell her...:D


#14

Both my daughter's moved in with their boyfriends. I raised them in a totally Catholic home, but honestly I think I may have overdone it a bit and that is what led them astray. They know that my husband and I disapprove, but there is nothing I can do. Both are planning on getting married soon so at least I know it is not a passing thing.

I mention it to them often how I disapprove. I even half jokingly refer to the young men as my sin-in-laws, just so that they get the point that I believe they are sinning. The one that is getting married next year is getting married in the Church and they have started to attend mass once in awhile but don't receive communion, so at least they have the sense that they are living in sin.

I pray for them, and I guess that is the best thing you can do for your friend.


#15

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