How to be happy when this life is not worth living? How to be glad to be male when to be male is insignificant?


#1

So we're beginning the season of Easter, and I am trying to rejoice and be glad, and attend Mass. The problem is that I hate this life and wish I were dead: This life is not worth living. Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions. I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

So Jesus rose from the dead? Great, now keep on keepin' on for 1-25550 more days of nonsense before the Resurrection matters. How are we to rejoice when we have absolutely nothing physical worth rejoicing about? "You've got an incredible treasure in store for you in Switzerland! Now keep building our pyramids until you die." Who cares about treasure in another country when it makes no difference to your life now? How are we to be happy when our happiness is away from us?


#2

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
So we're beginning the season of Easter, and I am trying to rejoice and be glad, and attend Mass. The problem is that I hate this life and wish I were dead: This life is not worth living.

[/quote]

I would talk to a priest or spiritual adviser -- God is here for all of us, and we live to serve Him. Life is very much worth living for each and every one of us.

Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions.

I know many people who value many things other than work and material possessions. So what if others value incorrect things? That does not mean I have to.

I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

I do not quite understand. In what sense are you a slave? And it would seem that people work in order to support families. Are you saying that supporting a family through work (and having to) makes you a slave?

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

Perhaps you should focus less on differentiating yourself from women, which seems to be as bizarre an endeavor as it is a fruitless one. Catholic teaching does not require women to stay at home, nor does it advocate pursuing a state of contentment with one's current state of manliness. I do not quite see how this is an issue.


#3

Not quite sure I get the poll, but I voted I'm neither one. I don't much get the point of this life either, most of the time, but here we are anyway. Have to roll with it, I guess.

Not seeing things the same as material goods and men vs women.


#4

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
So we're beginning the season of Easter, and I am trying to rejoice and be glad, and attend Mass. The problem is that I hate this life and wish I were dead: This life is not worth living. Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions. I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

So Jesus rose from the dead? Great, now keep on keepin' on for 1-25550 more days of nonsense before the Resurrection matters. How are we to rejoice when we have absolutely nothing physical worth rejoicing about? "You've got an incredible treasure in store for you in Switzerland! Now keep building our pyramids until you die." Who cares about treasure in another country when it makes no difference to your life now? How are we to be happy when our happiness is away from us?

[/quote]

No, the problem is that you are not putting God first in your life. You talk about going to mass and then in effect say yeah, but yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, now about my problems.

Americans live to work and value nothing but work and material possessions? Please, don't generalize like that. And don't lump those of us who value our faith and our families and anything else we treasure that isn't work, into that.

You thought you had to work to support a family, but now see you must compete with women? Where have you been living all of your life? Women have been working for a long time. They are not the enemy that is taking your job from you.

You won't be working to support a family, you will be a slave? With that attitude, is there really any difference? It sounds like you have a very strange view of employment to begin with.

Your job defines your masculinity? What? That makes no sense at all.

I hope this is just you having a bad day. I would suggest you go on a retreat or speak to someone and try to understand what you are feeling. May God bless you and guide you.


#5

I voted #5 I am neither happy or unhappy, I am just trying to become blessed, the rest is really not that important. :)


#6

I am delighted. Sure, I have some Rotten days. But overall, my family is blessed. Yes, we sometimes struggle financially, my twins both seem to have ADD. I'm a work at home mom.

I would suggest some counceling. It's very sad you were somehow raised to think you are to be simply a paycheck. A man and husband has so much to offer his family than just money. Sure, you can't be a bum. But you can be a strong spiritual head. You can guide your children through this sad world. They will need it. You can love your children and teach them selfworth. Teach them to love. Teach them how to respect life. Sadly, someone only taught you, you are a paycheck.
Someone completely missed the boat, by failing to show you the value in your LIFE. You are so much more than a price tag.

You now realize that because you feel displaced by women. As if women are something bad. Neither women or men can replace each other. We are designed to create synergy in this world. We are awesome on our own. We are amazing united.

Society is not going to change anytime soon. And yes, there are some lousy things happening. Like the fact we often need dual incomes to keep the lights on.

If anyone is getting the job you applied for, it's time to realize your skills need sharpening. I worked the employment side of things when I was out in the field. I ALWAYS look for the person with the most/best skills. This is the way to run a business. You are looking at things one sided. Are there women who neglect their children and treat them as an accessorie? Sure, if they are married, you can bet their husbands are in the same boat. Are there women working to FEED the mouths of babes, because their husbands bailed on them? Or they were painfully raised by single mothers and they know the human can't be trusted in this society? YES.

When you define and believe you are more than a paycheck things will get better. You really need a person to talk to. You need to learn your true value.


#7

Philippians 4:11-13

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.


#8

I pray 1 Thess 5:16-18 every morning and every night and as often as I can inbetween.

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in every circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

I think your situation is one that needs to be addressed professionally outside of this forum and not by forum cyber-therapists; but, in the meantime, I will offer the above prayer for you.


#9

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

[/quote]

I find it extremely presumptive and rather insulting that you are insinuating that women (in general) work because they WANT to.

... so says the working mom of 4 children who breastfeeds... and since my husband was recently laid off, now provides entirely for the family...

Life is hard. Give glory to God for His wonderful blessings.


#10

[quote="Em_in_FL, post:9, topic:280271"]
I find it extremely presumptive and rather insulting that you are insinuating that women (in general) work because they WANT to.

... so says the working mom of 4 children who breastfeeds... and since my husband was recently laid off, now provides entirely for the family...

Life is hard. Give glory to God for His wonderful blessings.

[/quote]

Very true, and, really, so what if some women do work by choice? When did that become a crime? A man is more than his paycheck. Women are not the enemy.


#11

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
So we're beginning the season of Easter, and I am trying to rejoice and be glad, and attend Mass. The problem is that I hate this life and wish I were dead: This life is not worth living. Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions. I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

[/quote]

I think you're not focusing on God, and that's what doesn't make you happy. I'm a single woman working full time, and there are certainly both men and women where I work. I certainly don't live to work, and everyone has material possessions, even you. You just place value on different items than the next person. It concerns me that you think life isn't worth living, and that you think life is miserable. Sounds like you need to talk to your doctor.

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

[/quote]

This "competition" you have with women is something you should talk to a professional about.

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]

So Jesus rose from the dead? Great, now keep on keepin' on for 1-25550 more days of nonsense before the Resurrection matters. How are we to rejoice when we have absolutely nothing physical worth rejoicing about? "You've got an incredible treasure in store for you in Switzerland! Now keep building our pyramids until you die." Who cares about treasure in another country when it makes no difference to your life now? How are we to be happy when our happiness is away from us?

[/quote]

Happiness wasn't taken away from you. But you do have to make your own happiness. One can't sit around and hope the world around them will make them happy. If you really think Jesus' rise from the dead is no big deal because you have to compete with women in the work force, then I urge you to see a doctor and figure out a way to deal with it because it's not like this situation is going to just go away. You need to work this out for yourself and bring peace into your life.


#12

[quote="mini_me640, post:10, topic:280271"]
Very true, and, really, so what if some women do work by choice? When did that become a crime? A man is more than his paycheck. Women are not the enemy.

[/quote]

Very good point... didn't mean to imply that it was wrong at all. :thumbsup:


#13

[quote="Em_in_FL, post:9, topic:280271"]
I find it extremely presumptive and rather insulting that you are insinuating that women (in general) work because they WANT to.

... so says the working mom of 4 children who breastfeeds... and since my husband was recently laid off, now provides entirely for the family...

Life is hard. Give glory to God for His wonderful blessings.

[/quote]

Well, some women want to. I want to. I love my job :D If I ever get married, I'm not going to quit my job.


#14

I'm a woman, but I understand where the OP is coming from.

And I voted 'I'm very unhappy' in the poll-because that is what I am right now, even if it is Easter.

This so-called 'life' is an exile, and it becomes harder and harder to 'exist' [not 'live'] in it.

I feel old, tired and just plain 'world-weary'. No zeal, not much in the way of enthusiasm.

And no one 'with skin on' really understands.....and I can't afford to pay any 'shrinks', or 'counsellors', or whatever they call themselves these days....

I'm not putting on a 'pity party'...I'm speaking the God's-honest-truth....this so-called 'life' really 'sucks'.....


#15

I voted I am a little unhappy, so maybe I can relate and help a little.

How to be happy when this life is not worth living? How to be glad to be male when to be male is insignificant?

Happiness comes and goes. This life is definitely worth living. What's the alternative? Not living? That's not any better. What keeps me going is knowing that I won't be unhappy forever. Patience is a good cure for unhappiness in that regard. Just trust in God, and wait it out! Sometimes that's not enough though. What keeps me going then is having something to look forward to..little things. Maybe a vacation coming up, or a cool movie coming out, or set up a time in the future to hang out with an old friend. Sometimes just having a little something to be happy about in the future will make the present more bearable.
Also, try this: "Jesus, I trust in you." (more on that one later).

How to be glad to be male when a male is insignificant? I will tell you that males are very significant. Fathers are of utmost importance. They protect and guide. Also, guys need other guy friends. Males are very important in that regard too. Don't get too hung up on being male or female though...being a PERSON is significant, and God decided you were to be male for a reason. I know how you feel...feeling unimportant or that your traditional role has been undermined. My wife makes more money than I do, and probably always will. On the surface, I'm fine with it. Below the surface, it bothers me sometimes. However, really deep deep down, I know money doesn't matter that much and we (as a couple) should be overwhelmingly grateful for whatever resources we can get. Besides, I can run farther and move heavier furniture than she can. ;) I know that is kind of silly, but I'm saying there are many ways being a male and having males in society is important.

Anyways, back to the "Jesus, I trust in you." It's an important phrase you might have heard before. Goes back to St. Faustina. It helps during depression, worry, or general tough times. Once I heard someone asking "can I REALLY trust Jesus? Can I trust him to make sure my mom won't die early of cancer? Can I trust him to make sure my future kids don't drive drunk and ruin a life? Can I trust that I won't get a disabling disease? That I'll always be employed to feed my family? Any of these?" The truth is, that's now how that phrase is supposed to work. Saying "Jesus, I trust in you" means "I trust you to get me through the next 24 hours." Regardless of the circumstances, that's all the trust we need. Day by day, one at a time. Christ said himself that tomorrow will take care of itself. Ask Christ just to get you through today, and trust that he will.

That last thing I would mention is gratitude. Acknowledging the blessings one DOES have, instead of thinking about what could or "should" be, will raise ones spirits, even if just for a while. Try to make it a habit, and you will go far.

Peace be with you.


#16

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions. I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

[/quote]

If you "live to work," it's because you've decided to make that your attitude, and you are the only one who can change it.

If you weren't competing with women for the same jobs, you'd be competing with other men. So what?

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity.

[/quote]

No, again, you have decided that you have "been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity." Just because women need jobs, too? That's ridiculous.

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
So Jesus rose from the dead? Great, now keep on keepin' on for 1-25550 more days of nonsense before the Resurrection matters.

[/quote]

If the Resurrection doesn't matter to your life now, you have a very poor understanding of the Catholic faith. I suggest some (one won't do) nice, long talks with a good priest.


#17

[quote="Garyjohn2, post:15, topic:280271"]

Happiness comes and goes. This life is definitely worth living. What's the alternative? Not living? That's not any better. What keeps me going is knowing that I won't be unhappy forever. Patience is a good cure for unhappiness in that regard. Just trust in God, and wait it out! Sometimes that's not enough though. What keeps me going then is having something to look forward to..little things. Maybe a vacation coming up, or a cool movie coming out, or set up a time in the future to hang out with an old friend. Sometimes just having a little something to be happy about in the future will make the present more bearable.

[/quote]

This. Sometimes, it's all you can do.


#18

When i think of my problems, some solved, some unsolved, present and past, i look at my neighbor and realize that i am more lucky than the poor man who was just diagnosed with terminal cancer, or the worker who has to be working at 40 degrees C for 12 hrs, or the handicap people, or the fatherless couples or the families of people who have died for their religion. There is so much misery in this world, but i pray, give thanks to my blessings which are plenty and i look at the richness in my life, the joy of being able to pray, to think, to move, to eat, etc. I believe it depends on what you are looking for in this life. I really recommend you to make God your first priority. Do you think life is not worthy to live it? look at the people in Africa, dying for a piece of bread, or the religious persecutions of christians in so many parts of the world. Give thanks to the Lord for what you have. Money is a necessity, but it should never be your main priority in life. Man is equal to women, there is no difference. If you put yourself in the shoes of a woman, you wouldn't like to be seen as a somebody inferior to you. I would recommend you Chiesa Catholica on facebook where you can read and meditate about the words of our Pope Benedict, he is such a great, wise, man. There is so much hope in his meditations and awareness, at the same time.


#19

[quote="ethereality, post:1, topic:280271"]
So we're beginning the season of Easter, and I am trying to rejoice and be glad, and attend Mass. The problem is that I hate this life and wish I were dead: This life is not worth living. Americans live to work, and our society values nothing except work and material possessions. I had thought that I must work to support a family, but now I see that I must compete with women for the same jobs: It has become necessary for both sexes to work, leaving the children to be raised by strangers on behalf of the state (public school, etc). I won't be working to support a family: I'll be working because I'm a slave. This life is miserable and not worth living.

I mention competition with women because, as a man, I have been stripped of any way to affirm my masculinity. Now, to exist as a man means to not be a woman. Now women are doing everything men do, with the addition of bearing and breastfeeding children (although some women sacrifice either or both to work in the office). I had thought I might affirm my masculinity by providing for my family, but women now are required to -- and desire to, and do do -- precisely the same jobs, earning the same incomes, performing the same functions. So now men don't work to support their families in a fatherly sense (because women do the same): Men work because they have no choice.

So Jesus rose from the dead? Great, now keep on keepin' on for 1-25550 more days of nonsense before the Resurrection matters. How are we to rejoice when we have absolutely nothing physical worth rejoicing about? "You've got an incredible treasure in store for you in Switzerland! Now keep building our pyramids until you die." Who cares about treasure in another country when it makes no difference to your life now? How are we to be happy when our happiness is away from us?

[/quote]

I went through a period very similar for me Lent was a ten year season. Totally missed out on the rest of the calandar all that time.Then as everyone else's Lent caught up to mine one year, I decided to try to focus again on what Lent was really about. That year Lent lasted again another year for me, but I pushed myself to stick with the journey. And I really focused on the message Jesus preached "the kingdom of God is at hand" Yeah, right I thought, but forced myself to at least let Him believe it til I could. Sometimes I even said I can't pray but I'll sit here while you do it for me, Jesus.-And then slowly I found I wasn't just observing but began to truly enter into the Pascal Mysteries. Then finally I made it to Easter Sunday. ---You aren't alone. Some of us have been there, some are there, and others will probably get there. I know none of what I've written is much help, but I keep you in my prayers.


#20

And i never expected to be living in a muslim country as i am now, separated from my children, with no all the freedom that we have in the usa. With the fear in one day, i might not be able to go to church here since there are many religious persecutions around the middle east. A place where there are not a lot of bible studies and be fed by the word of God. Living here and thinking everyday about how my children are in the usa. Can i be really happy? who gives me the peace of mind that my children are ok everyday? I must ask to the Lord for consolation and be thankful for what i have, and be good to my neighbor who might need sometimes so little from us to make their days more happy. When we are not so self centered in our own lives and problems and we start making good actions for the good of others (and there are plenty of good deeds we can do everyday and everywhere), then we feel our lives more meaningful.:thumbsup:


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