How to be less judgmental of others

In my ideal world, people would be very honest, thick skinned, logical, rational, practical, understanding, laid back, independent, self controlled and self contained. It wouldn’t matter how roughly the honest truth was delivered people would be humble enough to accept it. Everyone would be realistic, humble, confident, opinionated, strong, quickwitted, adaptable, mature, forgive and forget easily. It rubs me the wrong way how insecure some people are and how personally they take criticism. Or when people choose to dwell in the past, they don’t listen well or seem to learn no matter how many times you tell them the same thing.
I don’t live in an ideal world.
I get mad at myself too and scared of spirituality. The standard is high, how can I please God? It is very scary to realize how imperfect you are even though you normally don’t see or consider your faults all too detrimental.

You mentioned being “understanding” as one of the qualities you wish others would possess. Having read your posts, I think that would be a good quality for you to work on in your mission of spiritual improvement.

You need to understand that everyone has their own unique demons, and it affects how they act out in the world. Examples:

People who are afflicted with depression often over-internalize negative feedback against their will, leading them to think that the world would be better off without them.

People who have been abused will often recoil from the first sign of conflict, and go out of their way to not offend people.

People who have had experiences with hypocritical religious individuals will often see religion as a farce, since practitioners don’t take it seriously.

People who have struggled with addiction often avoid interaction with others because they are so ashamed of their habit.


If you haven’t experienced these crosses yourself, it can be hard to see things from the perspective of those that have. Pray that you will have the strength to be humble and take up your own cross when it comes.

In addition to what the Amazing Grace has answered,it might help to be mindful that it might be ok to wish for an ideal world,but in this “real world” to be more tolerant and not have expectations of people.Take people “where they are” so to speak.

Regarding criticism delivered harshly-it might be that the persons lacks humility or it may rather be that they were hurt by your harsh delivery.
Do you have a certain circumstance in mind that you could use as an example?

God bless all and merry Christmas!!!

Not a healthy practice but I essentially point out my flaws. And then I realise I am bad/worse.

Someone might be too sensitive, but you could be uncaring

Someone might be dwelling in the past, but you might be one of those people that have almost no compassion to see other POVs

Someone might be homophobic, but you might be racist.

Someone might be insecure, but you could be vain

And so on…

we all need to take a harsh reality check…once you realise that you are not superior, you tend to be less judgmental of others. Sometimes with your POV, it’s hard to see the flaws (character flaws, not physical) you have. I did thought I was more mature than my peers and I would look down on those who are ‘different’ but then I realised that they had more strengths, the strengths I refused to see because I was so blinded by their immaturity.

Sometimes when we judge others we are actually judging ourselves
It’s called projection.

You posted how you would like others to be…in reality though, that that is how you yourself want to be.

Are you being understanding and laid back about others? Seems like no, and yet these are qualities you listed that you desire in others…there’s your first clue.

So when you find yourself in this situation, as others said, work on improving these areas in your own life, and ask God for discernment.

You’ve posted several threads.
People have responded in generous ways.
Bottom line

Less “I” in your words and thought and more concern for others.
Yesterday I posted Saint Theresa’s 15 tips to be a more Humble person.
All of it is about not being obsessed with oneself.

Read them. Do this for yourself in the New Year
You keep doing and saying the same things and then wondering why you’re not happy. Which is what projection is as the previous poster said. Why not try the Catholic way for a change and see if things start looking better to you.
It certainly couldn’t hurt. Ride will destroy any sense of self esteem there is.

Ah, dreamer, thou art. That is not reality, practical or even sensible. God wants us to learn and progress. Think of living life as an “art.” It takes a lot of practice, self examination and reflection and above all love. When you love yourself you will love others.:slight_smile:

Yes. I understand. That is what I imagine the perfect person would possess. There are no perfect people.

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