I have viewed my faith and going to church as a chain or streak that I cannot break. and when I sin, I feel so horrible, like all my good work is meaningless and I have to start all over again. Sort of like when a recovering alcoholic takes a drink after a long period of sobriety. Like if I go to Confession and confess a sin and then a week later, commit the same sin, I feel like a phony and like God can see through me or that I’m deliberately sinning knowing I can go to Confession. That’s not how I think. But I am very hard on myself and when I recognize I’m about to sin and do it anyway, I feel horrible and like the biggest sinner ever.
I don’t think of myself as deserving of God’s love or forgiveness because I have known something was wrong and committed the sin anyway on many occasions.
I don’t want to think this way or continue to self-loathe and feel defeated and discouraged. I would love to read any answers that can help me to change my thinking about God’s love and forgiveness and how I might learn to believe I am deserving of both. Thank you.