I am in a very similar situation, a cradle Catholic, returned after 20+ years, in a very happy (non-Catholic) marriage, and struggling to make my way back into communion because my husband does not want to validate our marriage. I was so excited to come back to the church, but now it’s depressing because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to receive communion. I get frustrated with my husband for not being willing to validate for me, but I really can’t blame him. He isn’t Catholic and doesn’t want a Catholic marriage. I get frustrated with the church, because I feel like it’s punishing me for my husband’s feelings. I can’t help it if he isn’t comfortable with the church, and I can’t force it on him. The Catholic Church is foreign and strange to him, and he doesn’t understand it, but is doing his best to support me. Withholding sex is not the answer. We are very close, and have no doubt that our marriage is a true, loving marriage. I see validation as the church confirming what we already know. It wouldn’t change anything in our daily lives. He sees it as an insult, because we are already married, and why is that not good enough, why do we have to have another ceremony? Why are Protestant baptisms accepted, but not marriages? It’s a very touchy situation, and I feel like I’m caught between my husband and the church.
I used to go to daily mass as often as possible, but now instead of patiently waiting until the day I can receive communion again, I just feel rejected. I leave feeling worse than when I got there. I hope that there is hope in the future for our “irregular” situations. It seems like the first thing we should find when coming home to the church should be forgiveness.
Thanks for reading my rant. This situation is very difficult and complicated, and the only advice I’ve had is to wait and pray, because it seems like he might come around eventually. I am praying for you and your family.