How to counsel someone who is "coming out of the closet


Can anyone offer any recommendations on how best to guide a college age, extended family member who is exploring same sex attraction? She was an active and apparently happy practicing Catholic throughout high school. Now in college, she is wondering about her sexuality. This obviously puts her in conflict with her faith and I fear the inclination to move away from her faith. How can I be there for her while also encouraging her in her faith, as she moves these changes on her own? What is the best message to give her? Is there an organization that can help or advise in this regard? She off at college in another part of the country, so my contact is limited to occasional phone calls, letters, and electronics. I do have a good relationship with her though. Thank you!


Joseph, it’s wonderful that you want to help. There is a Catholic apostolate called Courage for people experiencing same sex attractions. It is very faithful to the teachings of the Church, unlike Dignity, which is not, although it claims to be Catholic. There is a related organization called EnCourage for family and friends of same sex attracted people. You can reach Courage on this website, and there’s a link there to Encourage. You can also call your diocese to see if there’s a chapter of either group available to you in person.


Please, in the Name of Jesus Christ, tell her that it is her atmosphere and not her nature. God is our loving Father, first and foremost, and would never create in us something contrary to His own Law. The Holy Bible given to us by the Spirit of God is explicit in its denunciation of such attractions, in the Old covenant and the New, everlasting covenant. Abjure her, in the Name of God, to read the corresponding verses in the Bible. If she declines to do so, saying it’s only an outdated, primitive document, be prepared for a great schism in her heart. University attendance in this age is extremely dangerous to the faith of young people.

It is only logical to assume that she’s been taking Sociology and Comparative Religion classes, or has at least heard about them. Those vile courses are designed and taught by people who have no respect for Truth or the Family. Such professors want everyone to embrace homosexual ‘feelings’ as if they were simply happy and fun. It is a terrible and grave tragedy that once-homely and quaint old professors (with their pipes and bow-ties) have become shouting hooligans, denouncing real love.

Always tell your beloved family member that it is not her fault in thinking she has these problems. The influence of our world is not a good influence, and it really has never been (at least since our Lord’s time). Men and women have always been led to lust and the hatred of chastity by human society, everywhere and at every time. She is not special in feeling these lusts and attractions, if she does feel them at all; indeed, it is most likely inadvertent conditioning.

In the Name of God, once more, never, ever say “I’ll love you no matter what you become”. Naturally that’s probably true if you do love her as a family member :), but if you put it that way it gives her permission/license to go ahead. What you ought to say is that you will always love her, even if she does something foolish like accept the unfortunate lusts which are being imprinted on her by the powers of Hell. Lust is lust, regardless of its direction, and homosexuality is pure lust, since true love consists in flesh-union and the bringing of new souls into the world. How can homosexuality achieve this glorious, worldview-changing union at all? It cannot, and that is why Satan urges it so strongly.


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