How to deal with gay friends?


Just wondering how do you deal with homosexual friends? I know a couple of them and I know them to be very genuinely good people.

However, since I have become “religious”, they know that I have something against their lifestlye (even if I am not vocal about it up front)… I know a good “trans” friend of mine and she introduced me to her “sugar daddy”…very kind, very friendly people, except of their sexuality that is. They are really kind to me. We usually leave religion out of the discussion when I am with them

what should I do? Should I try to speak out against their lifestyle and thus elicting their hatred and causing a rift? I dont want to be too harsh either…
Or do I stay quiet and put a mask on it everytime I see them? Should I just try to evade them as much as possible ?

Is there no grey area? is it really just US against THEM?

Are good catholics not allowed to have LGBT friends?
(BTW I staunchly disagree with homosexuality)

Surely you follow Jesus’ example. Love the sinner, hate the sin.

There’s no need to make a big deal of it. If they know that you have become ‘religious’ as a Catholic, then they will know you do not approve of their gay lifestyle, gay marriage, abortion etc.
Loving people rather than preaching is usually more effective. By their fruits, shall you know them.

I have gay friends as well. They know my thoughts on their lifestyle. Needless to say we agree to disagree. I don’t evade them and I don’t harp on them. We act with mutual respect towards one another. However, if the topic is broached I am not hesistant to speak my mind and defend the Churches teachings. My friends know I am doing this from a position of love and not hate even if they disagree with my views. You can still be friends with people even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything. Know your faith and defend it charitably the best you can when it is challenged but you don’t need to keep bringing up this topic everytime you see them just as long as they know where you stand.

And that’s probably the best way to cope.

Although how it’s possible to be friends with someone while rejecting their sexuality (which isn’t part of Church teaching, BTW) is beyond me.


Same way to deal with

*]Friends who masturbate
*]Cohabiting friends
*]Fornicating friends
*]Birth control using friends
*]Smoker Friends
*]Drunk Friends
*]Friends who are for legalizing abortion
*]Non-Catholic friends

What makes homosexuals any different?

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, not high priests and old holy men.

No, we are just like “them”. We are sinners. All not perfect and needing the grace of God.

Nothing in the Bible, nothing in the Catechism, nothing from the popes about it, nothing from the saints. Case closed. Don’t lose friends over a disagreement.

First, note that I’m a Free Methodist Pastor - so I hope more Catholics will chime in. I’m answering this question because I have some personal experience that might help.

First, you are to be commended for have and wanting to maintain such friendships. I trust that you will continue to pray for them.

We maintain such friendships too. Our friends know three things: Jesus loves them, we love them and what they are doing is not right. Maintaining these three things as true is how we maximize the chance of reaching them with the Gospel.

A few years ago, during the time it was legal for them to marry here in CA, they got “married”. They wanted me to conduct the ceremony. Of course, I said no, I could not do it. They then ask if we would come. This was a harder choice. The ceremony would happen no matter what our choice. These two people are close friends - what messages would we be sending to them if we did not go? Ultimately, we decided that we had already made our position clear be not conducting the ceremony. We decided to attend, simply as a sign of friendship. We wanted to continue to maintain a friendship so we could continue to be a Godly influence.

I realize that this choice can be criticized. Had I made a choice not to attend, that could be criticized too. There simply was no perfect choice.

My advice is to continue to love these folks as Christ loves them. Do not compromise your Christian values. Trust the Holy Spirit to work. Be prepared to speak at an opportune time.

May our Lord Bless and guide you!

^ ^ This. We are all sinners.

Add to that list friends who judge, friends with impure thoughts, etc… etc… etc… the list goes on and on, and surely includes ourselves somewhere. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

There’s a hierarchy to sin, I believe.

Sexual sins between consenting adults with no cheating on a partner involved are not, as far as I can see, the worst of the sins.

Rather, sins more directly against charity, such as malicious gossiping about unverified rumors, holding grudges, cutting of communications with a close relative, lying to get a job, misleading customers so that they buy things that really are not right for them, and so on, are much worse sins, in my view.

Today, for political and commercial reasons (to win elections, to sell news programming), a great big deal is being made about gay sexual sins, while, at the same time, practically nothing is being said about the very widespread heterosexual sex between unmarried persons who are are dating in their late teens or 20s or 30s and so on.

I recommend: say nothing to your LGBT friends about their sins, and hope that they say nothing to you about your sins.

In our culture, there can be no doubt that LGBT people are very aware that most Christians/Catholics condemn their sexual lifestyle. Just be a good friend.

Seize upon this as a good occasion to really examine your self, and see all the sins of selfishness that you commit every day. We all do this, except for a few really saintly types.

Let this spur you on to more of the Virtue of Humility, and move more away from the Pharisee-like legalism and judgmentalism.

LGBT will become more open to Christ and His Church when they meet Christians/Catholics who are genuine, trustworthy, empathetic friends.

I think it always helps to remember this part of the Bible:

Luke 18:9-14
New International Version (NIV)
**The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

When in doubt, error on the side of being generous and accepting. That will do the most good.

You needn’t see the issue as black and white. You already avoid talking about religion; maybe it’s best left at that, although you’re entitled to your opinion as well, if if the matter comes up.

I think the thing you need to keep in mind is you want to lead them to Christ, not alienate them. Most people knowing you are Catholic are probably aware of your views in the area, or at least suspect them.

Different people have different ways to evanglize. I want to become more Christ like and study to beable to answer questions people have about my faith. I am open about being a Christian but don’t force my views on others.

If I were you, and I am in a way, I have friends, although not close ones, who are in gay and lesbian relationships, I would avoid confronting them and work on how to address any questions they may put to you in a truthful and loving manner.

All of the gay friends I’ve had have been able to accept that I don’t agree with their lifestyle. Very few have ever wanted to have a discussion about why I believe homosexuality is wrong. (Actually, only one ever has.) It is not necessary for most people for their friends to affirm their every choice and belief. However, some people can not tolerate others who hold different opinions than they and they don’t generally make very good friends regardless of their sexual orientations.

Thank you all for your posts… Very informative. I will take time to peruse it all

But from my understanding… dont we all have a duty to speak out against injustices and speak up for righteousness? Hence the reason why we go on pro-life rallies and so forth. What makes homosexuality such a special and sensitive category that it should be simply looked over compared to everything else? Why does it seem that homosexuality seems to be more of a senstive topic (or tolerated) than abortion, or drug use, or euthanasia?

Why does it seems to me that we are more quick to condemn the drug users? the criminals? those who commit abortion while we have to be more “loving” and “sensitive” towards the LGBT community

And I do understand that we must love others as we must love ourselves… But I really do believe that by putting homosexuality in the back-burner "by not talking as much about it"in the company of gay friends and diverting to other topics… wouldnt this be a cop out from our Christian duty?

1 Like

@ Bartolome La Casas…

When you quoted the bible which says "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

But this isnt a matter of humility… this is a matter about speaking out for the truth. Are you saying that just because I am championing traditional values of heterosexuality that I am arrogant?

I guess this really all stems from a difference of opinion… Some Catholics choose to be more outspoken agaisnt homosexuality (like Michael Voris and myself), some Catholics choose to be more sensitive or tolerant about it.


Anyway… this is a really messy topic. I guess the best solution is really just to pray for them.

God bless and love you all…

You bring up a good point.

Yet, I was just quoting OUR LORD JESUS. His words are often not what we expect or want.

And, I will be like you and bold speak up for the truth. Here’s a big TRUTH. To be in really, fully, and completely be in God’s will, you must see yourself as a worse sinner than even a homosexual prostitute. I must do this too. We all must do this.

Otherwise, we are headed down the path of the worst of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride. Self righteousness is something I know a lot about due to my many years of practicing it.

There is plain fact that anyone reading the New Testament can see: The group that Jesus condemned the most severly was the Pharisees, and he condemned their self-righteousness, their judgmentalism, their refusal to associate with sinners. He didn’t even condemn at all the Woman Caught in Adultery.

All these ideas are not my own. I’m own parroting out what I have head and read in the writings of the saints, the homilies of great popes, and from the Scriptures.

I have heard from sources I trust that the best way to help another person repent and reform regarding their sins is for me myself to repent and reform regarding my sins. Somehow, mystically, it works.

By contrast, judging and condemning just makes an enemy and hardens the other person. Does Rush Limbaugh ever convert hard-core Liberals into Conservatives? Maybe once in a while. But very, very rarely I suspect.


Best advice I can give would be to live your faith. When you do this you usually wont have to say a word since your example will say everything for you.

Why single out homosexuality? Why not be more outspoken against, say for example, liturgical abuses? So many Catholics are constantly desecrating the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ every time they take communion with mortal sin on their soul. This is very VERY grave matter, mortal sin, and happens constantly right there in front of everyone and inside the very churches where we worship our Lord, even at His altar!
Or, why not take a stand against men and women who masturbate? It is sexual sin, mortal sin, and very often involves viewing pornography too (which involves all sorts of victimization), and is altogether very offensive to our Lord.
Why are you singling out homosexuals to speak out against? What makes their sin so much more offensive to you than other mortal and grave sins? And these are your so-called “friends” you are speaking out against? Curious.

I would rather see a homosexual Catholic who’s recently confessed his sins take communion than a straight Catholic who cannot even remember the last time that he went to confession yet takes communion every Sunday.

Cheers :slight_smile:

Brother, it’s not (i.m.o.) in the least bit “messy.” As others have said, it is no different than “dealing with” friends who have other openly sinful lifestyles. Unless your association with them is based on their sinful lifestyle, or for some reason requires your approval of it (“I won’t be your friend unless…”), then there is absolutely no conflict.

As an aside, I would never become a friend of anyone who demanded sainthood of me as a condition of friendship, because clearly I could not guarantee that delivery! As another important aside, I also do not befriend others who demand political agreement on most or all issues (such as, voting for a party, a candidate, or an issue like gay “marriage”). I have liberal friends, moderate friends, and conservative friends. One task of friendship is to respect differences from each other. If you find that you are truly at an impasse because your and their values differ too widely, then the friendship may in fact become troublesome. However, different lifestyles or different political/philosophical viewpoints do not necessarily prohibit friendship.

A separate issue is that of involuntary association with someone whose lifestyle you disappove of – an association such as an openly gay service-provider (your dry-cleaner, your tech consultant, your co-worker). Charity requires respect, equal treatment, and responding to the core of their humanity which you have in common with them. Charity does not require entering into a discussion with them about “gay lifestyles.” If they press it, you are not required to offer an opinion, and actually, if they do press it, I would consider it in bad taste on their part (requiring you to make public a private opinion which is inappropriate to the business association).

I do not have at the moment any close friendships with open homosexuals. I do have close friendships with heterosexuals whose moral decisions & lifestyles I have disapproved of. In those situations, I have made known my disapproval, because our friendship is that intimate and that enduring. (Disapprovals I speak of had to do with promiscuity in one case and seeking sperm donation as a substitute for a spouse, in another case. In both cases I was persuasive, but only because my friends respected my opinion due to the level of trust and the length of the friendship.)

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit