How to deal with suspicions of wife?

How does a loser unemployed husband like me deal with the suspicious behavior his wife is giving him… adoring and adulating her boss… texting at work all the time… going to work during off hours… working very very late…

Hello MainBrain,

Being unemployed does not make you a loser. You can provide and be supportive in other areas in your marriage.

Regarding your wife’s behaviour, did you confront her about it? Have you presented your concerns to her? Do you think she is a workaholic? What makes you think she is “adoring” and “adulating” her boss? Are you certain about your accusation? Is there lack of communication and dialogue between you and your spouse?

-Find some way to become a winner!
-Take anti-depressants
-Realize, like I did, that there a a whole lot of people worse of than we are and take control of your life instead of being controlled by life.
-Use the Rosary.
-Realize, when someone posts a helpful response, and it angers you, it is something that you may need to consider.

  • Ask yourself, “what would Christ do in this situation?”
    -Dedicate as much time as you can in spiritual pursuits.
    -Be kind to your self and stop beating yourself up.

Jealousy and lack of trust is difficult to overcome.
Your wife is not thinking right herself if what you say is accurate.
If she knows she isn’t entirely trustworthy within herself…in such instance, people easily project the same judgement on others.

Calling yourself ‘a loser’ is worrying. If you project that image of yourself to her, you are damaging yourself and her image of you. I hope you can find inner peace and strength.

Praying for you both.

MainBrain, there are over 10 million Americans currently unemployed. Many people such as yourself are struggling in this economy. Please don’t refer to yourself as a “loser” because of this.

Has your wife made actual inappropriate comments to her boss? Is there something about her staying late at work that makes you suspect she’s not actually working?

Perhaps your wife is just trying to get more hours/overtime to help they family.

If she is making good money, trust her implicitly as she deserves your trust until she is proved disloyal. Then your divorce settlement should be very much in your favour as you are the unemployed.

The OP asks : "How does a loser unemployed husband like me deal with the suspicious behavior his wife is giving him… adoring and adulating her boss… texting at work all the time… going to work during off hours… working very very late… ?"

What are suspect is happening?

If you suspect that she is banging the boss, ask your Wife to submit to a Lie Detector test.
This will give you the Evidence you need to Let Go of your suspicions.
Both you and your Wife can then have ONE LESS Thing to mess up your Marriage.

However, if she refuses to take the TEST, then maybe your suspicions are absolutely justified.


Your question begs a different answer.

The way you worded it screams lack of self confidence. Possibly some depression mixed in. These can easily be the root of your suspicions. Deal with yourself first.

You’re strong enough to deal with this. That’s a given. Questions is, do you posses the faith to see it in yourself?

I am a loser!!!
God is not helping me!!!
God has not answered my prayers in years!~
i try to repent!
He does not helpe me!!!
My wife adores her boss!!! She doesn not adore me!!! She even admits she shoudln’t talk about him the way she does!! She admitted it!!
My wife has no respect for me!! None!!!
I have not had a job in over 5 years!!!
I am a loser!!! I always have been a loser!!! I will always be a loser!!!
Nothing is going to change!!! I am 53!!! Nothing is going to change!!!
My wife does not want me!!!

Sure… Just whip out the Acme Lie Detector. Sorry to be uncharitable, but this is the worst and craziest suggestion I have ever seen.

I think the OP may have too much time on his hands and is possibly watching too much daytime TV. Turn off the TV, grab your Rosary and go for a walk.

Oh friend, my heart hurts to read how you speak of yourself. Many people are struggling in this economy – and indeed, many have been without work for years. Being unemployed does not make you a loser. Please see a doctor to discuss depression.

heidi storage responded to my Post** : “No, no! People react differently to lie-detector tests; it is NOT a true and accurate way to get at whether she’s having an affair or not.”**

Even if Lie Detectors are only solidly accurate in 90% of people, THE VERY ACT that she would agree to take a Polygraph Test, is Half the battle.
Her willingness may be all that the OP needs to feel like she is being Truthful with him.

The OP is NOT looking for a Pound of flesh … more like an Ounce of reassurance.

And, hopefully the OP can find something else to occupy his waking hours, than to ponder if some pokey-pokey is going on.

The only thing you can do is help yourself. What about starting your own business? Are you capable of cutting lawns? Can you paint? Can you fix anything? First, it will get you out of the house. You do not know whom you’ll meet and where this will take you but let me assure you that many have started out small and ended up with a business. One friend decided he’d offer to fix little things in his neighborhood. He had so many request, he couldn’t do all the work. Very pleased with himself.

Volunteer is a second option because it too will get you out networking. Do you have a hobby? Can you develope that into a paying job?

The best advice I’ve ever been given on this subject:

MainBrain, you are disrespecting yourself more than anyone else is surely? Would you ever speak in such a way to anyone else you know? No way.

Over the years I’ve seen my son struggling to keep his head above water (in dealing with Aspergers syndrome) and I’ve always exhorted him to have courage in this life. It is a testing time and moreso for some than others.

Ok, the problem with your wifes behaviour is worrying but what do you want to happen? Do you want to let her go without a fight or try to make the marriage better whether you succeed or not. We can’t change another person but we can change ourselves. Express your hurt and fear about her behaviour to her and then start today to do something each day to better yourself. Even small things. But something each day

I may be off track, but are you struggling with an addiction of some sort? Get help there as soon as can be. If you are struggling with depression… get help there also.

When my son simply couldn’t find a job he signed on as a volunteer with St Vincent de Paul and went in there 3 days a week. They were a motley crew of volunteers but he enjoyed the chat and the laughs and it lifted his spirits much. It looks good on his resume as well.

Model yourself on those who persevere in their trials and those who embrace hopeful optimism as their primary accessory. In my library of treasured books I have a tatty copy of Viktor Frankels “Man Search for Meaning”. It’s one of my favourites.

Hugs to you and Gods blessings… but you know, if you had said the above words you’ve said to yourself, to someone else… we’d have to punch you around a bit. Don’t speak and think that way to yourself again. It’s rude and demeaning and childish. If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t.

God bless, chin up and get to work. (Sorry if I sound like I’m talking to a 23 year old, but you reminded me of my son. He is proof that attitude is all you need to turn things around)

LongingSoul I am not an addict of any kind!!
I don’t do drugs!
I don’t drink!
I don’t smoke!
I am college educated!
I have skills!
I go to church!
I pray!
I treat people well and kind!
I love my child!
I tell my wife she is pretty and wonderful!
Do you know where this all gets me? Nowhere! Nowhere! Nowhere!!
Yes I am depressed! But meds don’t help! Even my Priest said stay way from Meds!
Nothing fixes my life! I just want out of this marriage and be on my own!
You would think that I was an alcoholic by the tone of my posts! But I am not! I don’t like drinking!
I am trapped in a dead marriage! I am a failure! My wife knows this!

Sorry to hear you are having these feelings. You should not call yourself a loser. There are highly educated college professionals that are out of work right now as well. Try to find a job that may lift your spirits. Sounds as if your wife is putting you down and that hurts. She is trying to make you jealous and feel bad about yourself and it sounds like she succeeded. 5 years is a long time to be unemployed it seems like you are depressed a little and you need to bring yourself up. Pray pray and then pray again.

Has your low sense of self and depression only been a recent thing since losing your job or since your wifes interest in her boss… or have you had a tendency to low self esteem anyway even when things were going well?

Try to calm down. You need to do something for yourself to make you feel better about yourself. What are your hobbies?

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