How to find a catholic girl


#21

Maturity is not a bad thing when it comes to marriage. I met my former wife when we were 17 and got married at 22. Neither of us were honestly ready for the commitment of marriage at that time, and the marriage was later annulled :frowning_face:.

A wise old man once told me the best age for getting married was around 27 years of age, and while everyone is different regarding maturity, I think there was wisdom in what he said. Live and learn.


#22

I have to disagree. I think many young people have a much clearer idea about marriage than that. I definitely think many Catholic young people have a deep yearning to form a family and love and be loved by their spouse. I think it’s better to acknowledge this than make it into a negative.
Not saying they’re ready for it at 18 but I don’t think it should be dismissed.


#23

You’re definitely rushing it. At 18 you’ve got a lot of different stuff to attend to before you find someone that you can be with in a relationship like you describe. Don’t rush finding someone. Wait. Especially don’t try to rush a life decision like a life long partner in the span of 15 days.


#24

I think someone at that age does have a vocational calling, God falls us each in His own time when we are most receptive and in need of the calling. I definitely (I’m 20) feel a deep calling to married life. This has nothing to do with “sexual frustration” or whatever. Let’s not doubt the vocations men and women might have just because they aren’t old enough. A vocation is a process, not a 1 day thing anyway.

However, people at this age often don’t have a full concept of what the world is like or what they want to do in the world. It’s fine to envision a family and a wife if that is your calling, but we must also be responsible and understand in order to have this family, you need stable income and to work on yourself first.

We must all work on our own issues before relationships because if we all bring our personal issues into relationships, it won’t last. We need to find value and love in ourselves and in Jesus, not validation in other people. Once we can truly believe this, then the person is ready to explore their vocational pathway more deeply


#25

People have a “deep yearning” for human companionship and all kinds of things. It doesn’t mean they’re ready to go out and accomplish it. Most are not ready at age 18, especially nowadays when (unlike previous eras) people are not financially independent or capable of being financially independent at age 18. A large number are not ready at age 28 and some still aren’t even ready at 38.

My personal view is that we don’t do young people any favors by acknowledging that they have such “yearnings”. They need to get out there and do something practical with their lives and then this other stuff does tend to fall into place as HopkinsReb said.

When I was 18 I dated another guy, who happened to be Catholic, was 19 and wanted to get married as soon as possible and start a family. While he was having these romantic ideas, he was also slacking off at college to the point where he flunked out, had to move back to his working-class suburb, live with his parents and work in some mall shop and he still expected me to marry him. Needless to say I moved on pretty quick. The guy married his co-worker at the shop, they moved into a trailer park, had a few kids and then got divorced.

So forgive me if I see romantic dreams of 18-year-olds with a jaundiced eye unless and until the person takes actual steps to walk the walk of a mature spouse and parent.


#26

Perhsps get involved in Catholic groups and activities that go beyond your parish. As someone has suggested, see what is happening more widely in your diocese (or neighbouring dioceses). Also there are likely to be young Catholics (and other Christians) involved in the pro-life movements (as well as it being an incredibly important cause to support).


#27

I don’t mean to tar everyone with this same brush, but I have seen this a LOT. Young, traditionalist Catholic men who want to get married as soon as possible and have an uber-traditional Catholic marriage with eight kids and a stay-at-home wife but yet aren’t actually doing the kinds of practical things that would make that feasible. If you’re a young single Catholic guy, you need to make sure you’re laying the foundations at 19 for what you want to be doing at 30.


#28

Are there other parishes nearby that you could get to? Young people more and more are going to Traditional Latin Mass parishes.


#29

Great advice on here!
Remember to pray for your future wife, that she stay close to God and make smart decisions. Offer little sacrifices during your day for her, and stay close to God too.

I prayed for my husband for many years and when I met him and heard about his journey before I came into his life, I knew I had participated in his good decisions and the direction his life took. There was even a moment when someone grabbed his should at work and pulled him back, saved his life. Thank you God, your hand was on him, watching him through the years.


#30

Wow, Op, you move really fast or someone gave you excellent advice:

BCathB

7h

Good morning everyone.

If I fell in love with a not catholic girl, how can I explain her the 6th commandment, regarding the virginity before marriage? I want to arrive virgin at the wedding, and I don’t want that a girl I love, and that loves me, says: “you are like a priest, you have ancient ideas, I don’t want to love you anymore”.

Thank you for your answers. May the Good Lord bless you all.


#31

I’m lucky. I’m from San Antonio, TX and moved to NYC. Between the Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Italians, Polish, and Irish in these cities, I have never known what not being around Catholics was like. (Wife is NY Italian fwiw).


#32

Apparently our advice didn’t work, since she’s not Catholic.


#33

It’s impossible. Trust me. Other people who are more attractive/more flirty/richer will beat you to them and you’ll just get tossed in the gutter. At least that’s what happened to me anyway. :unamused:


#34

Haha, what you should be asking is how do I convert to Judaism right away and fine a good Jewish girl!

I’m only joking. I wish you luck.


#35

So become more attractive, more flirty, and get richer

Btw your attitude toward women and a simple setback such as rejection is gonna make it harder for you in the long run so nip that in the bud now. Also everyone gets rejected. Don’t be so morose


#36

Head for your nearest Traditional Latin Mass parish.


#37

Right there’s your first problem.

While marriage is give-and-take, you shouldn’t be focused on what she can do for you, or to find somebody that strokes your ego.


#38

Exactly.
It’s extremely rare that somebody marries the first person they ever had a crush on.


#39

It’s happened to us all.
So when it does, treat yourself to a pint of Haagen Daas , shake yourself off and keep moving.


#40

You are too young to think about finding a wife.


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