How to find a really true roman catholic girl to marry her?


#1

I am a roman catholic. I want to marry a roman catholic woman and have children with her. I don’t drink, smoke and take illegal drugs. She should not drink, smoke and take illegal drugs. She must never be married. She can be widowed. The sex is only for the creation of new life and only after we would be married.
She must accept all teachings of the Roman Catholic Church on: the Holy Eucharist, contraception, the sanctity of life, papal infallibility, pre-marital sex, the Immaculate Conception, Holy Orders. She must attend the Roman Catholic Mass every week. She must be an US citizen because I want to live in the U.S.A with her because I love the U.S.A. I was born in Poland in 1967 and lived there 21 years. Actually I live in Hamburg, Germany. A girl (no matter who) wrote to me: “I just didn’t like your profile in how you want to meet someone from the U.S. to get a citizenship”. I answered to her “You are the first that said truth about me. Perhaps all people think the same but they never said that to me. To marry the right catholic girl is for me more important as to live in the U.S… Perhaps I will never marry. It is better not to marry and live outside of the U.S. as marry the no-really-catholic-girl and live with her inside the U.S…” Do I hurt someone? I never was married. I have no children. And I am ready to marry.


#2

Well…if you say that your future wife MUST be a US Citizen, then she might think that you’re going to divorce her after you get your US citizenship! Is it difficult to meet Catholic women in Germany?


#3

Absolutly. That would be my first thought if I saw that profile online.


#4

I am the catholic that never would divorce her. I could never confess my sins and get absolution. I could never marry again. After my death I would go to hell. It is very simple. I do not want to end so. I would say that to her. I want to live in the U.S.A. So I can only marry a really true roman catholic U.S.-girl.


#5

“The sex is only for the creation of new life and only after we would be married.

I don’t think you are in accord with Catholic theology in this. It sounds like you are leaving out the unitive aspect. Just something to think of.

I met someone online who is willing to convert. She may not meet a laundry list but she loves God very much. I think that is the most important quality a Catholic wife (or husband!) should have.

mike


#6

What is the the unitive aspect?


#7

from CCC

2363 The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple’s spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.

The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2369


#8

If I would be physical steril I would adopt abandoned children or perform (if possible) demanding services for others. Is that the unitive aspect?


#9

The unitive aspect is emphasized in that the two become one flesh throough the sacrament of marriage. Sexuality brings this truth to fruition with the complimentary bodies God has given us, so that our love for our spouse is reflected in the physical unity in sex; therefore, sex in its proper context within marriage is a great gift from God where we are both not alone (unitive) and can participate in God’s miracle of creation (procreative)

At least that’s as far as I can interpret it. I have not seriously studied theology of the body…yet


#10

The unitive aspect of marital relations is the Love:)

Yeah…you sorta left that out


#11

awww man…I used all those sentences and you said it better with one! No fair! :stuck_out_tongue: :slight_smile:


#12

Hi Peter,
I understand what a difficult time you must be having finding a good Catholic girl in Germany. Even finding a mediocre Catholic church there can be difficult, as I experienced when I visited there for 3 weeks.

I can also understand why most women would be put off or offended that you would only marry an American citizen. I mean, I love my country, but it is more important to find God’s will for me outside my desire to be the citizen of a different country. Perhaps He has put this desire on your heart, but I suggest you pray for discernment about this.

I’m sure there are many American Catholic men who would jokingly tell you to stay off their turf- good Catholic girls are hard to come by anywhere!


#13

If you do a profile on avemariasingles.com they are only for serious Catholics who have already discerned that marriage is their proper vocation and who want to find their spouse. It is not a regular Catholic dating site that gets people who only believe a few things in church teachings or who just want a new friend. The profile asks many questions about important church teaching such as abortion, papal authority, etc.

You would not need to write that you want to marry in the US because you can search for women to write who have that as their location. Most of the members of this service are in the US, but there are others around the world. The profile lists what rite of the church members belong to such as Latin or Maronite, etc if that is important to you. Most members are from the Latin rite.


#14

No, you aren’t ready to marry.
Your laundry list is way too long and way too self-centered.

Marriage is a dying of oneself for the sake of the other.
It is a vocation from God.
You, personally, humanly, may be ready to marry but it is God’s plan which will determine whether or not that is the case, and if it is, He will provide your mate.

Your job is to remain open to what God is presenting to you.
If He really is calling you to the vocation of marriage, know and trust that He is bringing a woman to you. You must be open to recognizing that woman when her path crosses with yours.

With your list of what ‘must’ be you are closing yourself off to what God may have in mind for you.

Spend your time reading up on Catholic teaching about the vocation of marriage, particularly about the role of sexual relations within marriage. Please consider this:

From "The Procreative and Unitive Dimensions of Married Love"
Straight Answers from Father William Saunders (EWTN)

“…marital love … is both unitive and procreative. Both dimensions are intrinsically good and inherent to the act of marriage. Consequently, in marital love one cannot separate the unitive from the procreative dimension.”

This (emphasis, mine):

From the USCCB “Unititive and Procreative Nature of Intercourse”

"The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couples’ spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family. The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity. (Catechism, 2363)

and This:

Humanae Vitae


#15

You don’t need to be married to live in the U.S.
Do what you need to do to come over here on your own.
Set up your life here, and then offer that life to someone you might meet while living here.

The way your post reads suggests you seek to use a U.S. woman in order for you to achieve your goal of living in the U.S.


#16

That was an inspiring post, YYM. Thank you.


#17

ABC’s of Choosing a Good Wife *How to Find and Marry a Great Girl

  • Every Man Should Read This Book to Help Him Make the Greatest Decision of His Life.
    Let’s face it. Finding a good woman is no easy task in our materialistic, pleasure-seeking, divorce-plagued society. In fact, many men today have given up hope of ever finding a good woman to marry. This unique new book offers practical and insightful advice to men on how to choose a partner for life - and it restores hope that a lasting, loving, and fulfilling marriage is possible in a divorce-prone world.

#18

I thought about it. You are right. Perhaps I’m not ready to marry. How can I be ready when I do not know who is she. Where is she? What is she? I must say I see nothing. This ever waiting make me for moments so that I can not eat. Always I feel something in my stomack when I think about it. What did I. Should I continue the search or give up? My life change. What happens to me? I can not correctly plan my life. I live from one day to another day. Every day I have for moments “To give up, that is to much for me, I am very tired of that search, I want too much, It is not for me”. And every new day I search for her again and hope. I think if I first would see her then this abstract girl would be a real girl so I could feel better. I could be changed and at last I could say OK now I am really ready to marry. Until this will happen, You are right: I am not really ready to marry. And after I would talk with her I could know: OK, she is the one, I want her. You are right. Thank you.


#19

You’re welcome.

Frustrating, I know.

There is one thing I’ve learned over the past 40+ years…
actively waiting for something you really, really want usually keeps you from recognizing what God really, really wants for you.

Women who strongly desire to conceive at just a particular time in their lives tend to find themselves caught in the loop of wanting a baby so badly they mess up their cycles which keep them from conceiving which gets them depressed and wanting even more strongly the child they can’t seem to have.

I have known several couples who tried invitro and other means for years, finally resigning to adopting and then as soon as the adoption papers go through find themselves pregnant.

Single people who strongly desire to find love spend energy and time trying to ‘make’ situations happen that seem forced and therefore generally do not succeed…leaving them longing for love even more and feeling empty.

Mine included, there are many, many stories of love where the person finally found THE one after they stopped trying so hard or when they finally resigned themselves to living single the rest of their lives.

The thing is when we leave our lives open to God’s will and ask only that His will be done according to His time table we can find happiness in our state of life at that time. Our confidence and our peace of mind comes from knowing that God only wants the best for us so we can trust that we are at the stage of life we are in for a good reason.

Focus your energies on loving yourself and building a life for yourself in accordance to God’s will. You do not need the love of another person to complete you. It is a gift, for certain, but since you always have God’s love you always have more than enough in this lifetime to find happiness.


#20

first of all women are not a laundry list to be ticked off one at a time. you make finding a wife sound like ordering a pizza, with special ingrediants. Most women would not find a profile like that appealing. How about what you like to do for fun? what kind of music you listen to? do you like to read? etc. this way you may find someone you can enjoy your life with rather than just a preordered persona. Good luck!


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.