how to forgive?


#1

my husband had a brief affair 1yr ago.our marriage is great now(after a lot of hard work)but…she recently moved only 6 miles away from us.he does not know this and has been very hard on himself and is still trying to forfive himself. i want to run into her so badly to just let some steam off,to tell her how much she hurt me and my boys.i want her to know the seriousness of this act.this was 3rd guy she had been with,then after my husband’s,her husband found out.will it help me to let off steam then ove on to forgive her??? I think i have forgiven him.thanks


#2

Hello RN8 welcome to the board.
Forgiveness is an act of the will. it is not about “feeling” it is about wanting to. Would it help you to feel better is you let off steam in her presence? No I dont think so. You see, you are saying that it was all her fault and you know that this is not the case. She could never force your husband to betray his marriage, unless in a moment of weakness he wanted to.
It is not your concern that her husband has found out, indeed I would say, that you are probably little pleased that he has and in the writing you have painted her as a jezebel.
Dont worry if you have forgiven your husband. By your words your marriage is good after work.
Now see if you can forgive this other lady, and pray for her. Remember Jesus asked us to “love your enemy” Your enemy is not Osama Bin Ladin, your “enemy” is the person who has caused you much hurt this lady and your husband.
Make it your task to pray for both of them and especially her and then watch the Lord being able to work miracles in your life, your husband, her life and her husband. "Love your enemy"
ats hard. but worth it. I imagine this lady had very very deep wounds. I imagine that she has deep need which are not sexual, but she has learned to express her need only the sexual manner.
Her needs at some point have been favoured in a sexual manner and now she unconsciously exercises this method.
God Bless you and give you love and courage.
Grace Angel.


#3

I am sorry for your “trials”. I asked my priest the very same question in confession. It had to do with another matter though. And ,as I had already been doing, he told me not to pray for myself, but to pray for the person who hurt me. It’s hard, when it is someone so close to you. And it’s especially hard, I think, when there are small children involved.
I have no magic words to help you feel better. I can only pray for you.

Kathy


#4

I concur with the previous responses, but I’ll take it a step further. Pray for her marriage, and pray for her willingness to welcome the Lord into her marriage, so that she doesn’t stray again.

Furthermore, although we must pray for our enemies, I don’t think you should do so instead of, but rather in addition to, praying for your own willingness to forgive her in your heart. Above, it was said that forgiveness is an act of the will – this is absolutely true. You can’t merely say, “I forgive her”, though; your will must be behind that. Pray that God will grant you the grace to forgive her sincerely.

Peace,
Dante


#5

Here is a biblical way of relating to this situation.
You cannot be forgiven if you donot forgive. Forgiving means letting go, leaving it at the foot of Jesus on the cross and nailing that part of your life to the cross, it will then be taken as fare as the east is from the west.

QUOTE=rn8;2079360]my husband had a brief affair 1yr ago.our marriage is great now(after a lot of hard work)but…she recently moved only 6 miles away from us.he does not know this and has been very hard on himself and is still trying to forfive himself. i want to run into her so badly to just let some steam off,to tell her how much she hurt me and my boys.i want her to know the seriousness of this act.this was 3rd guy she had been with,then after my husband’s,her husband found out.will it help me to let off steam then ove on to forgive her??? I think i have forgiven him.thanks

Jesus tells us that this should be done before we go to bed.
My wife did this to me and I knew I had to forgive her. I know that 15 years latter she holds onto the past but Ihaven’t. I let go by telling Jesus that had I not been there I would not have been hurt but truth is I was there so I forgave myself. That disempowered the hurt attachment she had on me. It then gave me the power back to be able to forgive her for all the situations she did back then. I am a free man and no matter what happens now I am able to love because I forgave and ***lay the actions ***down at the foot of Jesus on the cross and **nailed the part of my life **to the cross.
It is so good to be free, through Jesus Christ His freedome lasts for ever. Amen. I know it happened but there is no more pain, Jesus has the pain nailed to the cross where He wishes it to be.

Godbless
littleone


#6

Have you sought any marriage counseling outside of the confessional?

Here are some resouces in our diocese but perhaps you have complimentary ones in yours.

familyministries.org/troubled_marriages.htm

BAN (Beyond the Affair Network)
Courage to Love A twelve step program for couples in troubled marriages. 708.246.4866
Retrouvaille is a weekend for couples with troubled marriages. 847.934.8678
**Recovery Marriage Encounter **This special experience, for couples in recovery, is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Open to couples in all 12-step recovery programs, this non-denominational weekend is spiritual, not religious. Jim or Colleen H. 847.695.4855 Jacob or Barbara C. 847.639.4192
[LEFT]Twogether.org Redefining the power of two. Offering proven relationship skills and ideas for couples seeking a fulfilling and long lasting relationship. 847.581.9444 [LEFT]**WESOM **Support for couples affected by infidelity. 773.792.7034

With all things, keep praying.[/LEFT]
http://www.familyministries.org/images/o1.gif http://www.familyministries.org/images/o2.gif With far too many divorces happening and couples abandoning their marriage when things get tough, we need to talk.
http://www.familyministries.org/images/o3.gif http://www.familyministries.org/images/o4.gif familyministries.org/images/retrouvaille.gif
familyministries.org/images/recovery.jpg
familyministries.org/images/twogetherorg.gif
[/LEFT]


closed #7

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