How to get a non-Catholic husband to attend mass?


I am not sure if this is the right place for this, but here goes.

My husband is not Catholic, but he is Christian. He has expressed interest in joining the church, however, he seems to be on again off again about it. We talk about it and he seems to want to be a part of the Church, but at his own pace. He will go to church most Sundays, but not all of them.

I am doing my best to be loving and supportive of him and I pray for him every night, I just want him to be in the same place that I am with our faith. Especially since we are trying to start a family. I want us all to be one. Does that make sense. So far no luck with the baby part, but we shall see how that goes.

Anyone else in a situation like this one? Thank you in advance.


Make mass part of a whole plan for the day. First let’s go to mass, then we can go to breakfast…etc.

And keep praying for him. Also remind him that you are praying for him, not in a nagging way, but perhaps in the morning, e.g. say…I am praying for your safety all day in anticipation for when you get home from work.


I don’t know, mine just comes along :D, and I don’t ask questions, just do my internal happy dance. :dancing: I think if he finds how much you like it and sees that at home, it will reflect only good things about the church to him. And that, along with prayer, might be all he needs. Does he have any practicing catholic friends he hangs out with? Maybe encouraging him to talk to them/spend time with them more often would be good too. :slight_smile:


Thank you both for the advice. I will have to pray more for him and let him know that I will be praying for him. I think that going to mass and then to breakfast sounds like a great idea.

He has a few Catholic friends, but he is so busy with working that I do not know when he would have a lot of “free” time. He does get along with with both of my brothers that are Catholic, maybe I can put a bug in their ear?

Oh, is there a way to send someone a message so that others cannot see it? I wanted to share something with someone and did not want it on a public forum place.


I explained your last question in pregnant or not. I sent you a message to test it out. Hopefully you’ll get it. It’s tricky at first, but if I can get it down, I know you will! :stuck_out_tongue:


Breakfast out after Mass! In the alternative, you might try supper out after Saturday Vigil (then he can sleep in, too).




I was that husband a year ago. Keep at it, prayer works. I will be received into the Church this Easter.:slight_smile:


Yup - you click on their name in a post of theirs (where it’s big and underlined, with a green or black spot next to it). It should scroll down and say ‘send private message to’ whatever their name is. Click on that and off you go. They will be the only ones to see the message.


he expressed interest because he has a genuine interest, or because it is what you want to hear?

he is not Catholic, he has no obligation to attend Mass, so get off his back. He knows what time your are going and can join you or not, as he pleases. Your role is to model Christian living and discipleship. His is to respond to the action of the Holy Spirit in his own way at his own pace.

If you decided in the first place to marry a non-Catholics these issues were not important to you at the time, or at least not high priority in relation to other factors, so what has changed to make it an issue now?


Congrats, and welcome home! :extrahappy:

To the original poster: another poster provided a link to the St. Monica’s thread – come join us there. :grouphug:


You simply can’t push someone , I think it is something like that !!

So , suppose your husband is pushing you ??

Salute & Cheers from a NON BELIEVER:
– Laurent LUG (.@…), january 18, 2008


Newbetx, thank you for the link, I will have to visit that part soon.

LovingHim and LilyM thanks for the help with the messages, I think that I have it figured out now

nobeerinheaven, I agree with Belle10, congratulations, you have given me hope

OutinChgoburbs, we actually talked about a date after mass this Saturday, I guess great minds and all, huh?

puzzleannie, all I have to say is that what you wrote was really rude and I am sorry that you took my post that way. I am not “on his back” about this as you stated. Thanks for making me feel like the nagging wife here. Not that I owe you an explanation, but for what is is worth, when we married, in the Church, his desire was (and still is) to become Catholic. I am just trying to be supportive that is all. I really have nothing more to say to you.

Thank you.


I am a non catholic but christian wife to a very catholic husband. I started going to church with him regularly after we had our first baby b/c I didn’t want to have to take our baby to a nursery. I would somrtimes go and sometimes not. Now I go every Sunday. My dh was very careful to not ever push me to go. He has never pushd me or mentioned me becoming Catholic unless I bring it up first. I know at times he felt hopeless, but thanks to his patience and prayers I am so close to conversion, but not quite ready yet. His patience and loving understanding has really motivated me to dig deeper into Catholicism. I say be patient, never use guilt to motivate your dh and keep praying.


I just want to urge you to give Puzzleannie a chance. As you participate more in the forums you will see that she is actually a very nice lady and has some great advice and experience to share. She can be very blunt though but I sincerely doubt she meant to hurt you. Don’t forget that in forums like this we only see what you write. We do not know your whole story, personality, or any of the details you leave out. We see many situations where the wife is pushy and nagging so it is easy to jump to conclusions. Look back on her post with a different perspective and take it for what it’s worth.

Now, for your original post, I used to be in your hubby’s position. What worked best for us if if hubby asked (never demanded) that I attend Mass with him. If he put up with and answered all of my silly questions and addressed my fears. He never made me feel like it hurt him that I wasn’t in the same spiritual place as him although I know now that it did. Pray for your hubby and live YOUR life. Make it so attractive that he can’t help but want to share it with you! The date after Saturday Vigil is a great idea by the way:thumbsup:**


Thank you again for the replies. I have to get some work done here so hopefully I can come back later on. You all are a special gift from God.

Thank you.


I’m a convert, and one thing I have learned on my journey is that faith is a very personal thing that people arrive at in their own way at their own time. It’s great that you want to be on the same page spiritually, but faith and spirituality are kind of like the tide: it ebbs and flows. Just because he is not on the same page with you now does not mean he won’t be. There will be times that the two of you will be completely in sync, and there are times when you will not be. There may even be times when he will be more secure in his faith than you. Trying to rush a person’s spiritual journey is like trying to rush the tide- it simply can’t be done. The best thing you can do for yourselves right now is pray for him, and let him know that you will support him. In the end, you won’t be able to get him to go to Mass if he doesn’t want to, and the harder you push, the harder he may push back, it’s only human nature.


I am sorry to say but even if puzzleannie is a meanie (:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: ) it is your original post that makes things about what you want and it does not appear that your husband has a true saying in this. It seems that now that you are planning to start a family things must align your way. In my opinion this is not the easiest way to bring someone to convert. I think that at this point he has a lot of things that are very important to him on his plate (larger family and religion). Rushing him on decisions about himself (religion) is not going to do anyone any good. Discernment can take a lot of time.


My dear husband was inactive LDS when we met and married. At the time he was still struggling to find “the truth”. I never asked him to go to church with me. I would only say, “I am going to 11:30 Mass, honey”. He would be ready to go when I put my coat on. I think at that time he was going to compare faiths. One Sunday after Mass he made a strange remark…"It was nice to hear Father say “brothers and sisters, the Mormons must have visited him”. That set the stage for an all day talk about brothers and sisters in Christ and the fact that we have always taught that we are all brothers and sisters. No, we don’t call everyone our brothers or sisters, but the “idea” is there. It took many years for hubby to say “I wish to be Catholic”. Even after all those years of him attending Mass, I was in “happy shock”. He made the announcement at a wonderful wekend, “Marriage Encounter”. The priest at the encounter was fabulous and it seems that something there put him
over the edge from LDS to Catholicism.

I could never make the decision for him and I knew from the start that he would make his own decisions in the matter of his faith. So, my suggestion is simply to tell him what Mass you will be attending, and if he is ready to go, fine, if not, fine. He is in charge of his spirituality. BTW, many Catholic husbands (and wives) won’t attend Mass with his or her spouse.

Love and peace,
Mom of 5


**In my case if my hubby would have said that I would have assumed he wanted to go alone. So depending on the Op’s hubby, she may need to ask him (without pressure).


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