Tonya, he obviously doesn’t care about your feelings. So trying to talk to him on that topic will only make him shut down.
This is an issue of child safety. A one year old can get into a lot of trouble if the child is not properly supervised. And if your husband is supposed to be watching the child and he’s off distracted staring at a computer screen (we all know how quickly time can fly and how the outside world can disappear when we’re staring at the monitor) he is endangering his child.
Perhaps if you implemented a schedule when he can get on the computer while you watch baby he could get his fix AND be a family man. Because one year olds turn into 18 year olds really quickly. And the time he’s wasting discussing transitory political news that will be OBE’d by July is time he should be spending with his own child.
This is NOT about your feelings. If you take it out of that realm and show him the big picture, he can’t argue so much. Or if he does, he looks like an immature teenage boy.
What’s he going to say? “I don’t want to watch the baby. That’s boring. I’d rather hang with my internet friends.”
His child needs him to pay attention and interact. Not stare at a monitor while baby plays with the plug in the outlet, or whatever small children do for fun these days.
Your husband sounds like a narcissist. You really can’t communicate with that mentality. Let me guess… he was perfectly wonderful and charming while you dated and it was all about you two doing fun things together, just the two of you. And you were gaga over him and he was the center of your world (just where he felt he belonged). Then when baby came along, so did the fights. Because now there was a helpless baby in the picture needing BOTH your attention, and as soon as the conversation stopped being about him all the time, he doesn’t want to talk anymore.
When people are angry and accuse things of being “all about you” it’s usually because they’re mad that it’s not "all about me."
I have read many political message boards and some people seem to have a whole lot of time on their hands. I suspect they go there because they think they have an audience who appreciates them and is hanging on their every word. And they get to be combative and belligerent with no consequences for that behavior (other than being banned, wherefore they go to other sites and start over.)
The internet is like a candy shop for the narcissist. They can incite and arouse discontent, get lots of attention, even if it’s negative. And it’s all about them. And too bad your husband can’t see that his own child would give him the most wonderful and worshipful attention at all if he tried to interact with him.
Maybe there is a nice way to say that to him. But it’s not selfish to ask that he take care of his own child.
You can password protect the computer and only let him on when his chores are done. But that puts you in the Mommy category. Which won’t help.
He needs to grow up. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Just know that your feelings aren’t germane to his world and you have to find another way to skin that cat. Good luck.