How to Handle a Woman, some advice


#1

see blog.adw.org/2010/11/how-to-handle-a-woman/


#2

In the end, the only way to “handle” a woman is to love her.

Who needs an article to tell them that? I thought it was common sense! :p


#3

The Bible's been saying that for much longer:p


#4

Oh boy, I thought it was going to be a link containing 'different' things.

I just saw the title "how to handle a woman" that contained a link and automatically assumed you were a troll...

Good thing I didn't report this, I was about to.


#5

I thought it was a great article - sometimes we just need to keep it simple.


#6

[quote="BlueShadow123, post:4, topic:221403"]
Oh boy, I thought it was going to be a link containing 'different' things.

I just saw the title "how to handle a woman" that contained a link and automatically assumed you were a troll...

Good thing I didn't report this, I was about to.

[/quote]

Oh, BlueShadow, I also freaked out when I read your post that this could be a troll, with the suspicious-sounding thread title! :eek: Talk about chain reaction! :D But then I saw the poster's name, mdgspencer, a longtime member and frequent poster here at CAF.

Anyway, the link leads to an awesome blog with many good articles, by Msgr. Charles Pope of the Archdiocese of Washington. I just finished reading another article on his blog, the story of Jephthah from the Book of Judges. I never even heard of Jephthah before, he is not as well-known as, let's say, Moses or King David. But the story, and the way it is explained by Msgr. Charles Pope, is up there with the greatest Old Testament stories, and well worth reading (although part of it is heartbreaking, I must warn).

But to return to the original, "How to handle a woman", all I can say is this: I woman is not a man. One should talk to her differently, than one would talk to a man. :p

OK, now I'm going to run and hide behind some large and sturdy object. :D


#7

Why would that statement cause people to throw things at you??? It should be obvious to everyone that men and women are different and bridging the gap can be one of the hardest things God ever asks us to do.

I love this blog article (is that a right term?) and I want to send it to my husband. Would that be trying to force a solution? I keep thinking that he just doesn't want to give me more emotional intimacy, but he probably really can't.


#8

Great response there Daegus!
I totally agree!


#9

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:7, topic:221403"]
Why would that statement cause people to throw things at you??? It should be obvious to everyone that men and women are different and bridging the gap can be one of the hardest things God ever asks us to do.

I love this blog article (is that a right term?) and I want to send it to my husband. Would that be trying to force a solution? I keep thinking that he just doesn't want to give me more emotional intimacy, but he probably really can't.

[/quote]

Thanks, Juliane. :)

I wonder, how about planning a little evening romantic time with your DH? Tell him you want to spend an hour with him, after dinner. Then, with a good cup of tea or coffee and your favorite dessert, and some appropriate lighting (candle light?) prepared, you and him sit down by the computer, and you read this blog together, and watch the videos together on the blog. Your DH may want to go along with your plan, simply to make you happy, if you ask him, telling him that it would make you really happy to spend this evening time together.


#10

[quote="Daegus, post:2, topic:221403"]
Who needs an article to tell them that? I thought it was common sense! :p

[/quote]

Most people. :p Common sense is so rare these days, it might as well be a super power.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRPudsp75yBJKYewsI7tY_Mk7GSWY1GXLSzzYHEPCc5rWl2ziSS


#11

Fantastic article and thanks for sharing. I, too, initially thought this would be a fight and came in to be a spectator. :popcorn:

Instead, I found something that I have found to be true for my 8 year marriage. It has not been an easy road and heaven knows there have been hard times...but we love each other and sometimes, literally, that's all we've had. There have been many times that knowing my husband's love for me is what saved my marriage when it was in peril.

I pray that every woman finds a husband who can love her as God loves the Church.


#12

From the title, I thought you were posting a joke. This was nice, actually.


#13

That's one of my favorite songs from a musical. Here are the lyrics:

*Blast you, Merlin! This is all YOUR fault!

You swore that you had taught me everything from A to Z

With nary an omission in between
Well, I shall tell you what
You obviously forgot
That's how a ruler rules a....queen!

And what of teaching me by turning me to animal and bird?
From beaver to the smallest bobolink!

I should have had the whirl
To change into a girl
To learn the way the creatures think!

But wasn't there a night
On a summer, long gone by
We passed a couple wrangling away?
And did I not say 'Merlin, what if that chap were I?'

And did he not give counsel and say...
--What was it now? My mind's a wall...

Oh, yes, by jove...now I recall--

'How to handle a woman?

There's a way,' said the wise old man,

'A way known by ev'ry woman

Since the whole rigmarole began.'

'Do I flatter her?' I begged him answer.

'Do I threaten or cajole or plead?

Do I brood or play the gay romancer?'

Said he, smiling: 'No indeed.

How to handle a woman?

Mark me well, I will tell you, sir:

The way to handle a woman

Is to love her...simply love her...

Merely love her...love her...love her.' *


#14

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:7, topic:221403"]
Why would that statement cause people to throw things at you??? It should be obvious to everyone that men and women are different and bridging the gap can be one of the hardest things God ever asks us to do.

I love this blog article (is that a right term?) and I want to send it to my husband. Would that be trying to force a solution? I keep thinking that he just doesn't want to give me more emotional intimacy, but he probably really can't.

[/quote]

I think the objection comes from the false conclusion that the obvious statement "men and women are different" implies that there is such a thing as a generic woman, some mysterious Aristotelian ideal of a female human being, and that once you understand Her, then you have nailed down every woman ever born, whether the woman gets that or not. It isn't fair, but to be fair, it isn't that rare for someone to announce that they've "figured out women" or "understand women." This pronouncement usually not good news for any women in the person's life. I think this is why objects can fly with so little provocation.

Of course, "understanding" someone you've not taken the trouble to get to know is impossible in love. Love is the most intensely personal thing there is. You can't love a concept. Love must recognize the individual, or it isn't love. Anyone who thinks he can love a woman he has not taken the trouble to know--no, he doesn't have to "understand" her in some rational way, but just know and appreciate her even in a sort of descriptive sense--is fooling himself.

You're not exactly saying this, but just as an aside, I think it is important to point out that it is a misconception that men are incapable of emotional intimacy. I think it is more the case that men and women do not recognize what the other considers emotional intimacy as such. It is like asking a cow and a dog to define the word "food". They would each choose examples that the other would consider either replusive or completely incapable of providing nourishment. I think this can be true between two people trying to provide intimacy for each other, too.....not just men and women, but parents and their children, too.


#15

[quote="EasterJoy, post:14, topic:221403"]
I think the objection comes from the false conclusion that the obvious statement "men and women are different" implies that there is such a thing as a generic woman, some mysterious Aristotelian ideal of a female human being, and that once you understand Her, then you have nailed down every woman ever born, whether the woman gets that or not. It isn't fair, but to be fair, it isn't that rare for someone to announce that they've "figured out women" or "understand women." This pronouncement usually not good news for any women in the person's life. I think this is why objects can fly with so little provocation.

Of course, "understanding" someone you've not taken the trouble to get to know is impossible in love. Love is the most intensely personal thing there is. You can't love a concept. Love must recognize the individual, or it isn't love. Anyone who thinks he can love a woman he has not taken the trouble to know--no, he doesn't have to "understand" her in some rational way, but just know and appreciate her even in a sort of descriptive sense--is fooling himself.

You're not exactly saying this, but just as an aside, I think it is important to point out that it is a misconception that men are incapable of emotional intimacy. I think it is more the case that men and women do not recognize what the other considers emotional intimacy as such. It is like asking a cow and a dog to define the word "food". They would each choose examples that the other would consider either replusive or completely incapable of providing nourishment. I think this can be true between two people trying to provide intimacy for each other, too.....not just men and women, but parents and their children, too.

[/quote]

You misunderstand me, and I probably wasn't being clear enough. I do not believe that "men" (as in your Aristotelian ideal) are incapable of emotional intimacy. I just think the one I married is very handicapped in this area, and my stubborn trying to get it out of him isn't going to fix anything inside him. In fact I am likely defeating my own purpose, the classic male v female thing where we try to pull their emotions out of them and they run away twice as fast!

:D

I think "love manuals" like this are a STARTING POINT only. But a valuable tool to use, especially if the 2 partners are more different than similar. Of course each man and each woman is an individual, and must be approached as such. These tips and hints or books full of lists of things to do and try, must be added to as the man causes the woman to open up and trust him. If he cares enough to read such a list, or a blog, or a book, it shows that he is trying, and his efforts should be rewarded. And then he gets to go even deeper into unknown territory!

:eek:


#16

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:15, topic:221403"]
You misunderstand me, and I probably wasn't being clear enough. I do not believe that "men" (as in your Aristotelian ideal) are incapable of emotional intimacy. I just think the one I married is very handicapped in this area, and my stubborn trying to get it out of him isn't going to fix anything inside him. In fact I am likely defeating my own purpose, the classic male v female thing where we try to pull their emotions out of them and they run away twice as fast!

:D

I think "love manuals" like this are a STARTING POINT only. But a valuable tool to use, especially if the 2 partners are more different than similar. Of course each man and each woman is an individual, and must be approached as such. These tips and hints or books full of lists of things to do and try, must be added to as the man causes the woman to open up and trust him. If he cares enough to read such a list, or a blog, or a book, it shows that he is trying, and his efforts should be rewarded. And then he gets to go even deeper into unknown territory!

:eek:

[/quote]

That's what I meant by "you're not exactly saying this, but just as an aside". You were saying you and your husband need to work on coaching him to show intimacy to you, and that is all. I was only making the more general point (which doesn't necessarily apply to you at all) that there is a widespread misconception that men who don't understand how to communicate what they feel about their wives have that problem because they don't feel the things their wives want them to feel. This is not true, and it is a damaging falsehood, even though it is almost never meant to be.

I think it is very important to realize that nearly every intimate relationship between a man and a woman includes some analogy with obvious differences in physical needs. To deny each other's needs would be similar to a bird lecturing a cow that "grass is not food" while the cow contends that "worms are not food". That would get you exactly nowhere. Just because a bird cannot digest grass doesn't mean that it isn't food for a cow, and necessary to the cow's health....and vice versa, with the worms. Nobody ought to be throwing things when there is a recognition that these differences exist. The fact doesn't demean anyone, anymore that it is demeaning to a bird that a bird is not a cow.

Neither could the two just say, "Oh, let's have grains and seeds, that should be enough for anybody." That won't fly. The needs that aren't in common don't go away just because the ones that are in common are met. There has to be a recognition, appreciation, and acceptance of the needs that are very different, and it takes some imagination and generosity of heart to do that. I don't just mean Man/Woman differences. I mean I/Thou differences. The recognition of this is what starts the ball rolling.


#17

[quote="HAnne, post:11, topic:221403"]
Fantastic article and thanks for sharing. I, too, initially thought this would be a fight and came in to be a spectator. :popcorn:

Instead, I found something that I have found to be true for my 8 year marriage. It has not been an easy road and heaven knows there have been hard times...but we love each other and sometimes, literally, that's all we've had. There have been many times that knowing my husband's love for me is what saved my marriage when it was in peril.

I pray that every woman finds a husband who can love her as God loves the Church.

[/quote]

Amen!


#18

[quote="mdgspencer, post:1, topic:221403"]
see blog.adw.org/2010/11/how-to-handle-a-woman/

[/quote]

:bighanky: I really liked it too...as a woman it made me cry...lol (I don't know why I'm so emotional lately...:rolleyes:). I guess I've given up trying to find a man who believes such things...maybe it was nice to see that there ARE men who feel this way. :)


#19

^^^ Ok now I feel stupid having said that...I have to learn to think before I "type" - sorry, didn't mean to offend any men out there who might have read my comment. Obviously there are a lot of "great" guys out there...I haven't met too many...but that prob. says more about me than "reality." :rolleyes:

Ok...back to work and practicing on keeping my mouth shut. :rolleyes:


#20

I am so glad this link was posted. Reading thru the comments it's clear that when we feel unloving our first recourse should be to pray for the will to want to love!
Just a little story:
On our first Christmas together, not married yet but celebrating with his family, my future husband gave me this paperback book entitled "Everything Men Know About Women". My future mother-in-law watched me unwrap it and before I could open the book she asked to see it and burst out laughing when she opened it.

Every page was absolutely blank.


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