How to heal my relatiosnhip with Jesus Christ?

I long for Jesus Christ. I have experimented with all kinds of different religions and different spiritual techniques over the years, many of which have given me incredible and profound insights and spiritual experiences beyond anything I could have imagined. None of the other spiritual experiences I have had, really mean anything to me, if they don’t lead me to him, because to him my heart belongs.

Unfortunately however, I feel as though my relationship with Jesus has been damaged over the years due to my great struggle with sin. I fear God greatly and am terrified at the thought of his wrath. I can’t help but think of the time he struck Uzzah dead simply because he reached out to steady the Ark, then I think of some of the things I have done and I feel hopeless, like I will surely end up in the lake of fire, because I am weak and have a tendency to sin.

I know that the love of Jesus can heal me, if only I allow him into my heart. But I feel like something is blocking me or holding me back and I dont even know what it is. I trust that he forgives me after I go to confession, but somehow I dont feel forgiven and this is what I mean by saying I need to heal my relationship with him. You see I have grown so used to looking myself as a dirty, despicable, wretched sinner who does not even deserve to think about Jesus that I find that I continue thinking myself in that manner even after I leave the confessional. I then have to keep reminding myself that I am forgiven, but it seems as though I have developed a fear of Jesus as pertaining to him as just judge. Because I am afraid of him, I am unwilling to truly give myself to him or put my trust in his love and at least I think this is the reason I feel so distant from him and yet long for him day and night. When I go to adoration, I can always feel his wonderful presence washing over and lightening my burdens but I am still afraid to really open the door to my heart and let him in. I am afraid I am just too wretched inside and I need to become pure first I guess? But then I never seem to attain purify I hunt for. I am depressed and afraid of Jesus and I am so frustrated at my own failure to not sin. I dont even enjoy sinning half the time anymore and then I feel so much guilt afterward, yet for some reaoson I sill commit sins.

Reconciliation. So named because it mends our relationship with God.
If you feel like you have a lot to say, make an appointment for Confession with your priest. Pour your heart out, be forgiven, tell the Lord that with His grace, you repent of your sins. We all sin. reconciliation is there for this very reason. You list yourself as Catholic. Go to confession and receive healing and the peace you so desperately want.
Be assured of our prayers.

Praying for you. Ask Mother Mary to take your hand and lead to her Son.
Make a good Confession, pray the Rosary, receive Holy Communion frequently and devoutly. Talk to Jesus in your own words.

Ask God for the grace to forgive yourself.Know that He forgives when you confess. It isn’t based on feelings.

You should try going to Jesus through Mary his mother. She is the quickest and eastiest way to him and to get closer to him.
If you are unwilling and not confident in his mercy and love then you are not going to get much in return. I say this not by Jesus giving you nothing but what I mean is that the LOrd gives us everything we need and everything we ask for but it is up to us to open the door and receive them.

The truth is that Jesus also longs for you. The bible says that Jesus is the “friend of sinners” and so He is. He did not come to save the righteous. You remind me of how I felt before I was born again. Before that, I too went on a search of many religions looking for something authentic and a spiritual experience. Then, a friend told me about how he was born again and made. new. I was still sceptical and didn’t think it was for me, but for some reason I was curious enough to listen to a Christian station and after hearing about salvation a few more times I understood that its about what Jesus has already done for me. I need for you to read Romans ch. 5. (5 is the number of grace) notice that it says “free gift” 5 times. Read slowly and ask the Lord to show you what it means. Read it several times until it starts to work in your spirit. All you need to do is, by faith,accept what He has already done for you and give Him all your sins. He is able to carry your burden. Be assured (again by faith) that your sins are gone forever. See Heb. 10:17. Read again the parable of the lost son Luke 15.

God bless you

I don’t have much time to reply…but just want to offer this.

Guilt has it’s uses. It can remind us of why we do not want to sin again.
Unfortunately guilt can also lead to despair. The trick is to use guilt rightly.

The remainder of my answer will need to wait.

Peace
James

“Not feeling forgiven” when you know intellectually that you are is not really an uncommon thing.
This pretty much ties into the guilt that I mentioned earlier.
The problem is less about God forgiving us than it is about us forgiving ourselves, or put another way, accepting the forgiveness that we have been given.

Consider - You love someone a lot. Then you hurt them badly. They forgive you.
Yet - you have that memory of hurting them and how it made you feel and you think…I know they forgave me, but still feel awful for hurting them.
This can affect your relationship in all sorts of ways - many of them subtle.
It takes time to rebuild, to put it in the past, to let the memory fade 9though it will always be there).

So mostly - give it time. Keep Loving the Lord and loving your neighbor as yourself.

Peace
James

It can seem so hard, so that it’s almost impossible. I can assure that it isn’t, although the other side wishes us to believe that.

Reconciliation is #1. It can be hard, too, but it’s so worth it. Pray, pray, pray. Ask Him to lead you into Confession. Ask the Blessed Mother to be your mother, too, and to give you comfort during this journey.

Decide to go to Confession. Just MAKE that decision. And that let it alone. Either make the appointment soon, or find whichever parish nearby has it the soonest and go. Don’t give yourself a moment to doubt or change your mind.

Next, it doesn’t matter one whit how you feel after Confession (although sometimes we do receive some amazing consolations after); you are FORGIVEN. Perform your penance as directed, and know that you are loved. Don’t withhold forgiveness from yourself; by doing so, you’re putting your forgiveness above His…and we can’t do that.

Now, as for feeling like the lowly worthless sinners that we are…that is true. I can’t deny we aren’t. But more importantly than that, we are the children of God, we are the sons and daughters of the KING! That makes us royalty, princes and princesses. Remember that, every minute of the day.

Remember the story of the prodigal son; God wants that for us. Remember the story of the missing sheep and the shepherd. Remember the story of Jesus dying for YOU, and loving YOU, and wanting YOU with Him.

Each day is a new day to start fresh with God if we need to; or we can build on the relationship we built yesterday if we can. Just start moving forward. It can be done. If you can’t do it, ask Him to help you, or to do it for you; He will, if you let Him.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
And if any of this made sense to you, thank Him above for giving me the words that touched you. If it didn’t make sense, please forgive my shortcomings in explaining the beauty that is God’s Love and Forgiveness.

Begin with confession. Jesus is waiting for you and wants to forgive you, assure you of His Divine love and fill your soul with His peace.

Some have said it already… but go to confession. When I returned to this sacrament, I went to a Franciscan and had a great conversation and confession with him. Second, is attending mass… go early and go often. Third, serve Christ by serving your brother and sister; your neighbors. You will see and hear Christ in all of these things. Despite what some will say, I believe that spending time with Jesus directly is the quickest and surest way to heal and build your relationship with Him; not through any one else.

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