Okay, to make a long story short, my bff moved to another state to be with her boyfriend (who has a little boy from a past relationship). Her bf is a great father to his son, and has been great for her compared to past boyfriends, and up until now I have generally liked him. She told me this week that she thinks shes pregnant.
First, a bit of background. My bff is very pro-life, and has adamantly in the past said that abortion is murder, even to past boyfriends that disagreed. She’s been depressed before, and now is isolated in another state. She’s pretty fragile-minded lately, and I’m worried…
She was a little scared because they’re not married yet, but she said she was a little happy and excited at the possibility (she hasn’t been tested yet but has quite a few early symptoms, will be tested this week, so this may not matter in the immediate future if shes not actually pregnant).
Then today she tells me that she talked to her boyfriend and they’re considering ‘taking the morning after pill’. face palm I had to explain what the pill actually was and all and how its not going to terminate her pregnancy if she’s already 3 to 6 weeks pregnant since you use it immediately after unprotected sex. She then stated that her and her bf were thinking if she is pregnant and its early enough she may get an abortion because shes not ready to be be pregnant and theyre not married and shes “honestly trying to do what’s best for them right now if it comes to that”. She said if its early enough she will hopefully feel like shes not killing a baby.
Its really, really obvious her bf is completely pressuring her (she sounds so unsure of her reasoning, and this is a complete 180 of what she told me earlier when he wasnt around).
I reminded her that abortion in a really gross process first of all, and she said she didnt want to think about what it involves (Im going to write a nice long email detailing it of course if she is pregnant). I know for sure her mother would be heartbroken if her first grandchild was ‘terminated’, and would be more than willing to help, if not raise the baby herself. Then there’s of course adoption. I pointed out that if they’re so not ready than she can adopt it out.
I’m so adamant not just for the (possible) baby, but because I know how strongly she feels. I know that emotionally and mentally she’d be crushed and would 100% regret it and would probably get depressed. I’ve known her for 7 or 8 years now and am positive of how this would crush her and change her. I’m really concerned about how an abortion would affect her. I told her not to let him pressure her and not to compromise her beliefs, and that there are ALWAYS other options. Her friends and family would lift her up and help her in every way possible, and adoption is always always there.
She didn’t respond so I think I hit the nail on the head that its him trying to convince her. Im hoping after she gets tested that if she is pregnant that she’ll at least talk to her mother before doing anything rash.
Can anyone recommend some kind, loving resources that I can forward on to her? She is against abortion, but may not stand up to her bf because she wants to make him happy. She’s not getting tested until later this week, but I’m worried about her compromising her values so much for him after just one conversation…
Any tips in coming to her from a really caring, loving standpoint? I don’t want her to do something that would crush her spirit and destroy her first baby (again, all speculation, but it seems highly likely that she is pregnant based on her symptoms).