How to inform this woman on her licentiousness wardrobe?


#1

This woman at my Parish comes walking in all the time for Mass, wearing the tightest fitting dress, with the lowest cleavage, not to mention she is built super fine with big breasts. I mean I’m trying to keep my chastity in check, and this married woman it seems to me is trying to seduce me, the virgins, other married men, and the priest. I’ve seen at least 3 Acolytes walk into walls because of her, saw a Deacon trip over his own feet because of her, so I know it’s not just me noticing her.

I want to tell her to stop it, but don’t quite know how to say it.
Should I say something, and/or tell the priest about it?
What can/could/ be done about this?

I wonder if she is even Catholic. Maybe I should ask her that?
See where that leads me, but then what do I do to verify that
modesty in dress is needed for Mass?


#2

In my opinion: Say something, No. Tell the Priest, No. You are not the dress police. If the woman is truly causing scandal the Priest will handle it.

What can be done? With all charity, man up. Oh, sorry, see you are in Texas. Cowboy up.

No matter how the woman is dressed or acts, you are responsible for your behavior and for your sin. When you see her, turn your eyes to the crucified Christ in the Sanctuary. Pray for her. Pray for yourself. Pray for those who are tempted.

Sorry if this comes off harsh, it is not my intention. It is personal. I, like most men I think, struggle with this as well. It is easy to blame others however even if the woman is naked and handing out hotel room keys, it is up to me to stay firm and true and keep my eyes and mind on Jesus.

You sound fixated on her. Fixate on Jesus.


#3

Back off !!! By confronting the lady or anyone associated with her about the way she dresses will not only cause an uproar, but also will result in long term hate and discontent !!!
If you really must do something, make an appointment to see your Pastor and discuss the matter with him, and let him handle the situation.
But, no matter what you do, keep your feelings to yourself. Ask yourself the question: Who are you to decide what anyone wears, and what gives you the right to do anything about it - especially in Church?


#4

It would be better to just change Mass times.


#5

If you’re going to bring it up or draw attention to it and you think she’s trying to seduce someone, then congratulations!

You’ve just helped her succeed.

You know it says a lot that me and my buds can say “Two honeys at 3’o clock” behind said honeys back without them catching us at it and giving them that same satisfaction.

You’re better off trying similar code words and tactics if you’re trying to send a message without causing trouble. :shrug:


#6

Amazon I don’t think you are the person who needs to address this issue. I would leave it to the pastor or the deacon to address issues of immodesty.

You say you are socially awkward in your profile. I would suggest you spend some time reflecting on the way you think and act around people. I’ve seen plenty of people wear clothing that I think is inappropriate. Never, as a parishioner of a parish, have I assumed it was my job to police the apparel of another parishioner. It worries me that you feel the need to confront her. If she is a distraction to you, I would suggest you find another mass to attend.


#7

The woman is attending Mass, that’s all that really matters. :slight_smile:


#8

Leave the handling of this up to the Pastor. Pray for her.


#9

I wish more parish church’s would include in their bulletins reminders about proper attire and etiquette at mass.


#10

How do you know those acolytes hit the wall because of her, and not just because they’re scatterbrained?

How do you know the deacon tripped because of her, and not just because he’s clumsy?

You only know you’re noticing her. It’s easy to blame the object of your lust instead of yourself; it actually seems to be one of the oldest male arts, one in which everything from common men to theologians have revelled. In reality, you are the one responsible for you own gaze and it is you who need to control it.

Now if her clothes actually were so immodest as to make acolytes hit the wall, deacons hit the floor and just about everyone in church fantasise about this lady post missam, I think the priest (and not least, her husband) would step in and give her a hint. Unless that happens, you can safely assume you are the one who needs to work on your own temptations (as do we all, men and women alike), instead of placing the responsibility on someone else.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh, but it is the reality. You can’t control what other people do or wear, but you can control yourself. As soon as you understand that, it will be easier not only to control yourself, but to take responsibility when you step wrong.


#11

I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t need to be informed. She knows what she is doing.


#12

On a more general issue, as a middle-aged woman I’ve never understood why other women want to dress like this, in church or out of it. I didn’t do it as a teenager and I have always felt extremely uncomfortable if I think I am too “exposed” - all my clothes are modest, always have been. My mum was the same, so I assume I learned from her.

I think that some women need constant affirmation that they are attractive to the opposite sex, or define themselves in that way. It’s a bit sad really, when you think about it.


#13

Are you making this up? I only ever see stuff like that happen in Hollywood fiction.

Rule of thumb: Women put a lot of thought into every detail of their appearance… If she’s dressed like that, there’s almost certainly intentionality behind it. Good luck.


#14

We have a reminder in our bulletin about appropriate dress. The vast majority dress extremely well. But “appropriate” is sometimes in the eye of the beholder. She may feel quite appropriate.

Reflect on your description of this woman. Is there something sinful in your focus? Pray, read your missalette, or meditate on the Lord. as you wait for Mass to begin. Her appearance may or may not be “wrong”, but it is your responsibility to discipline your thoughts

Most people I know sit in the same general place in Mass each week. If she does, sit where you will not have a view of her.

Leave it to the priest. Period. He will handle it IF it needs handling.


#15

That’s not all that matters. Remember what the Blessed Mother said at Fatima, “Fashions will be introduced that will offend my SON greatly.” And “More people go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason.” I have seen some pretty skimpy, skin-tight, low-cut clothes that are shocking to me, an old lady. I can’t imagine what young kids think, especially young boys. One of the Corpule works of Mercy is to admonish the sinner, God Bless, Memaw


#16

I also learned over the years that a number of women who dress that way were in fact victims of ongoing sexual abuse by men when they were young. They had become sexualized objects when they should have received healthy paternal love.

No matter what I am glad to see them in church but miss the days when our priests would guide us all better in this matter. After all aren’t we there to honor God. I’m in Florida where many dress like they are on the way to the beach.

Gods peace be with you,

Isabel


#17

As a woman and Christian I can’t agree with you entirely. I think the OP should mention this to the Priest and ask if he could address the virtue of modesty during one of his Homilies. I would not approach the woman directly. But the Pastor could remind his Deacon and others to mind their “eyes” and to promote modesty through example.

I am aware of a parish where the vast majority of the women who attend Mass seem to be trying out for the local “Street Walkers Group.” It is disgusting. I personally am tired of seeing men and women dressed in provocative attire in general, let alone in public. People need to be reminded that modesty is an essential practice to all Christians.


#18

You have my sympathy. I am sorry that you have to endure this, and that you have no obvious recourse. I am sorry for the woman as well, who must be desperate for male attention and is making herself into a spectacle. And I am sorry for those other men who are affected by her attire and behavior. :frowning:
What you do have is the sacraments. Confession and the Eucharist, as well as the use of sacramentals such as holy water and the Rosary, can strengthen you against the temptation to lust. Adoration is something that I have heard is good to help men struggling with this kind of challenge.
What you cannot do is approach her about her attire or behavior. Perhaps the pastor might be able to do so, but if anyone else were to do so, I can see a swift lawsuit over sexual harassment in their future. Women who do this know the power they wield, and they know that, in our modern world, they can get away with suing anyone who says anything to them.
It is a horrible situation, so all you can do is work on yourself. Turn your eyes and thoughts to our Lord and His Blessed Mother every time you see this woman. Do not give her the satisfaction of knowing she is affecting you. It will only encourage her. Focus on Jesus on the Cross. Remember His behavior towards women, and ask for His strength so that you can imitate Him.
God bless you!


#19

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#20

If you know any of the elder ladies in the congregation; you might mention it to them? We had a similar situation in our church with a young lady and one of the elder rosary ladies had a word. She took the hint; whatever was said.

Years ago; my brother got a ticking off for wearing his Napalm Death t-shirt to Mass. When Mam got to hear about it (She attends vigil) she tanned his hide!!!


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